Staying Upbeat Even Though It's Raining: Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head By BJ Thomas

Though it's a bit hot in the morning, don't be fooled.  After lunch, the clouds start to turn dark grey and a rumbling sound coupled with a scent of water in the wind fills the air.  Before you know it, it starts pouring buckets as the rainy season has finally arrived.  It's a downer especially when you got a lot on your mind and no money in your pockets but it won't stop from being hopeful.  Staying during the rainy season reminds me of the song "Raindrops Are Falling On My Head" by B.J. Thomas.

This was taken from the soundtrack of the movie "Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid" during famous bike scene.  Going back to the rainy season, it could be a hassle when you have to commute to work most of the time logging around your rain gear and trying not to get wet.  Apart from that, you got problems at home and at work hanging on your head.  Still, you have to set that aside and concentrate on what needs to be and what you can do.  Rain or shine, it'll always be with you but if you hang it there, it will eventually it will be resolved.

Well it's starting to pour again and I try to get a ride as quickly as I can.  Though, my coat, trousers and shoes are soaked, I'm sweating inside cause of thickness of my clothing.  Another hard as ended and the only difference is that I come home wet instead of sweaty.  Still, I made it through and am still hopeful that something good will happen if I keep on trying.  Not even the rain can prevent me from doing that.

Why We Love The Outlaws: The Outlaw Blues By Peter Fonda

You know every time there's a movie about outlaws or rebels challenging authority, people are quick to watch it. These are the guys who often challenge authority even when the odds are against them. From books to movies, no character gets so much fascination as an outlaw. I guess because they're willing to do things that we are ourselves are afraid of.  When I think about this fascination, the song "The Outlaw Blues" by Peter Fonda comes to mind.

Why do we admire these guys even when what they do is against the law?  It's because despite their unlawful acts, they are not afraid to challenge the establishment.  As blatant as they are, they are willing to keep going when where we are afraid to tread.  Most of all, they do it in style.  Now who wouldn't love that?

I'm not saying that I want to do something reckless or dangerous but when someone has guts to throw down when we don't, it inspires us to do the same.  Those who are afraid simply throw taunts and wait for the opportunity for the guy to fall  just to heap insults on him. When they do that, it only shows how afraid they really are because they can't where these guys can.   In the end, we love because they can and they will even if they lose.

Well Another Summer Has Passed: Summer Is Over" By Dusty Springfield

I've been so stressed out lately that it just dawned upon me that it's not as hot as it was two months ago.  Apart from that, when I pass by the local mall, they are now posting sales on school supplies and uniforms while removing all the beach balls and inflatable pools.  It all point to one thing:  Summer is now over.  That means that over hear, apart from getting ready for the rain, half the year is now over.  I guess the song "Summer Is Over" by Dusty Springfield is appropriate for this post.

Once again, I failed to enjoy the summer and instead got a lot whole lot of heat.  It was bad enough that I had a lot of problems to deal with only to find myself in a really bad situation where I and my friends are hanging by a thread.  It was a cruel let down after working so hard and experiencing one disappointment after another.  The long dark shadow casts by that one bad development still hangs heavy as rumors and gossip fill the air and we prepare for the worse.  It's a disappointing verdict but those were the cards we were dealt with.

I don't like dwelling over spilled milk but when the thought of what could have been really cuts like a knife, especially when we thought it was a sure thing.  It was a brutal reminder that you have to expect the unexpected and this was something nobody expected.  Now the air smells of water as the rain starts pouring hard whenever I go home.  After bearing the summer's heat, we now have to deal with both our personal storms and the elemental storm brought about by the rainy season.  The summer's gone and the rainy season is now here so I have to put this pass me and just move on.

All These Bad News Can Really Drive A Guy Nuts: Delirious By ZZ Top

These days it never fails that something will happen and turn my world upside down.  Whether I do something or not, crap just happens and it's been happening way too frequently.  Too much so that I'm just trying my best to keep up with all this craziness.  Still, getting too much crap isn't good and I am determined to fight through this insanity to make things happen.  Dealing with all these crazy surprises reminds me of the song "Delirious" by ZZ Top.

Every month,  I keep my fingers crossed hoping that something would come out from all this hard work only to come up with nada.  To add insult to injury, it happens when I need it most.  To top it off, some nasty situation comes out of the blue leaving rattled and almost delirious.  It really sucks the life out of me and I am sick of it.

They say, life doesn't give you something thatyou can't handle.  I just wish life would be a bit kinder cause I still have a lot to deal with and it's really killing me.  Well, it's either you beat it or it beats you.  I'm going so that means there's hope.  It drives me crazy something but doesn't stop me as I keep trying till I get it done.

Just Keeping My Fingers' Crossed For Something Better: See What Tomorrow Brings By The Archangels

The time is ticking and the days are dropping off one by one.  After being dealt a bad hand last month, we've been sitting around and waiting what the verdict will be.  When the news came down, I felt that the floor that I've been standing on was starting to crumble so this time around, I swore that I'd be more open and consider my options when the envelope is opened.  All this in the hopes that it would lead to a better future.  Hoping for a better future reminds me of the song "See What Tomorrow Brings" by The Archangels.

I've been in this situation before and back then, I didn't handle it right.  As a result, I struggled hard not once but twice.  As much as I wanted things to keep going, it happened again.  This time around, I swore that I would be less stubborn.  I have no choice as I have to make do with what's there and not much to go with.  It doesn't help that this comes at a time when I already have enough to deal with but if that's what I got to do, then that's what I'll do.

Right now I'm just making my preparations and keeping my mind open to whatever options are there.  Too rumors are floating around but I'd rather lay the foundation on what I got to do when the time comes.  All I want is something better after going through all this.  I know it doesn't happen by magic and I have to work hard for it to come true.  Well, I'll just keep my fingers cross and see what tomorrow brings.

Trying To Relax Again Tonight: Keep Same Old Feeling By Willie Boboo

One of the reasons why I've been to jazz again is to try to chill out more.  These last couple of years have left  me so tense that I have the word "worry" written all over my face.  Apart from that, there are little venues where I can find where I can put myself at ease.  Sometimes a good jazz can do that.  That's why I'm listening to Willie Bobo's "Keep Same Old Feeling" as I write this post.

While I'm listening to this song, I try to clear my mind of all the crap that keeps dogging me day in day out.  I try to remember the good old days when we'd laugh at the end of the day.  Think of things that make me smile and goals that I want to achieve.  I know this is only for the moment but let it be a moment that I can savor as well as purge those bad experiences that ruin my day.  It's not much but it helps me face whatever the daily grind brigs my way.

I'm trying to run away from my problems (I'm too old to do that and that won't solve anything).  I'm just saying that I just need some time to chill.  I have to admit I miss that feeling where you don't have to worry and everyday was a breeze.  That's why I'm listening to this song tonight.  I just want to relax and relive that feeling if only for a moment.

Another Song About Preparing For The Worst: Worse Comes To Worst By Billy Joel

 

Nobody's talking about what they intend to do when that bomb went off two weeks ago.  Some are just trying to get by while others are already making their plans or considering their options.  Until we find what the verdict is, I guess anything can happen.  We hoped for the best but now we have to prepare for the worst.  That's why for this post, Billy Joel's song "Worse Comes To Worst" is a good choice for this post.

It's a wicked game of Pascual's Wager where you have try to make the best and safest choice possible.  It's a dark reminder that you have to be prepared for anything.  That's the reason why you need a plan B because you don't what to expect and life doesn't always go the way you want it.  We are now learning it the hard way.  We didn't expect it to happen and now we are scrambling to salvage what we can.

Right now it's a matter of wait and see.  Most of us already have our cards prepared and we are now waiting for the dealer to show his hand.  The waiting is tough and a lot is riding on this gamble.  Whatever happens will happen.  Just be prepared.  That's all you can do when worse comes to worse.

Too Many Things In My Mind: Voices Inside My Head By The Police

I remember when I had an activity in a workshop I attended where people would write what they thought of a person's face when they saw them.  Whenever I get piece of paper, it always says that I think too much or I have a worried look on my face.  That was 17 years ago if I had a worried look back then, it's a heck of a lot worse right now.  Lately, I've had so many things in my mind, I don't get any sense of peace day in day out.  That's why I'm using "Voices Inside My Head" by The Police for this post.

These days, I've got the weight of the world hanging on my mind.  There have been a lot of problems that I'm still dealing with in the past and more problems keep coming my way.  The latest one has my livelihood hanging by a thread.  Whether I'm awake or asleep, these problems keep dogging me like voices that won't clam up.  I may look okay on the outside but my mind is so full of these things that I don't what to do.

I just try to deal with it as best as I can.  I am just preparing for the worse as my hopes were dashed last May.  I just hope that when I rise above it, things would get better.  Till then I do what I can and it's not much but it's something.  Hopefully when all is resolved, these voice will stop.

Really Need Some Quality Time: Time (Time Of The Heart) By Culture Club

With all the bum deals that keeps taking me by surprise .lately, I feel the need to have some quality time for myself.  Lately, I've been alternating from being restless to being beat and worse part about it is that I haven't made use of the time given to me properly.  I guess it's because I haven't found the answers that I need to get things started.   As a result, whether it's a day or month, I still don't feel that it's enough and I'm left feeling restless and tired at the same time.  The need to find quality time and be satisfied about it reminds me of the song "Time (Time Of The Heart)" by Culture Club.

That feeling of being restless and tired at the same time is not a good feeling.  You want to find answers or accomplish something but your body wants to have some time to rest up.  When it doesn't get done, it sure weigh heavily on you especially if it's something that's vital to your everyday needs.  When the days and there are no gains, that's a real bummer.  It's another reminder that you wasted good time over nothing.

Man, I still believe that it's out there.  I wouldn't be wasting my time if it wasn't because I was able to reap the benefits of it before and I believe that I can do it again. With so much at stake, I can't give it up now.  When I do find it and harness it, only then I can truly rest.  Hopefully, I'll really enjoy some quality time.

Still Out There Trying To Make It Happen: Cinderella Man By Rush

You know every time I try to do something new, something comes up and just ruins everything.  Right I'm experiencing that again and it's' leaving a bad taste in my mouth.  Yet despite all these setbacks, it only serves to fuel my desire to achieve my goals.  At this point in my life, I'm sick and tired of of having all these distractions that's why I'm doing the best that I can to make it happen.  Rush's song "Cinderalla Man" helps keep me going when times are tough.

Apart from the disappointments from the last few years, I also am dealing with a bunch of new problems that's turning my world upside down.   I know nothing in life is permanent and you have to ready for change but it still hurts because of the hard work you put in to make happen.  I'm just using that anger and frustration to fuel that drive to keep on going to make things happen. Like I keep on saying, I was able to do it before, I can do it again. It's better than doing something stupid.

Life has been throwing me nothing but grief.  Still, whining about it won't make it better.  I'm doing what I can to make what I got left real.  I've so much as it is and I have only myself to blame.  I just want to get some order and stability in life as so many things have fallen apart.  Nobody said it was easy but nobody you should give up.  that's why I keep going.

He Was The Last Of The Tough Dudes: The Last Rebel By Lynyd Skynyrd

In the midst of my melancholy state, I find myself my friend from my high school days who I wrote a couple of posts in my blog.  Man he wasn't cool but he was tough as well.  Yet despite that being cool and tough, he hung around with anyone so long as you proved yourself to be the real deal.  Sometimes I wonder if there any from this generation who would be as tough let alone as cool as he was.  Listening the song "The Last Rebel" by Lynyrd Skynyrd made me ask that question.

 What separates him from other toughies in my batch was he never had to swing his weight around nor did he had to intimidate others just to show that he had guts.  In fact, he was tough without having to act tough and you can feel it coming from a mile away. If a fight erupted, his fist would be the first one in someone's face cause if you want it, you got it. He hated the fact that there were negotiations going on and when it was suppose to be a rumble because it was wasting his time.  He was never one to start a fight but if a fight got started he had your back and that just goes to show how tough he really was.

I still think of him and my other friends fondly and I wonder how they are doing.  I doubt if I would see them in a class reunion because they hated to stand out.  Maybe I'm getting older but when I look at the younger generations, they weren't as tough as that dude let alone the guys before him.  They just act tough and get into trouble but don't know the meaning of what really being cool is all about.  As I look back, I can truly say he was the last rebel that school will ever have.

Another Song That Encourages Me To Keep On Trying: Just A Loser By Robert Cray

Lately the problems have been piling up around me one after another and this blog is the only venue where I can vent my frustrations about it.  I can bear if it's just me but lately even people I care about have been having a hard time lately.  Still, that doesn't mean that I'll curl up and hide.  Despite the setbacks and the pile-ups, I am still determine to keep on trying till I get it right. I can Robert Cray's Song "Just A Loser" to that lists of songs about trying again despite repeated failure.

This lasts couple of years have stressed us all out.  The worse part of it all is that problems are getting bigger and more difficult.  As of now, all of us are feeling the pressure and things that we thought would remedy the situation turned out to be a dud.   Still though I haven't gotten it right, I won't quit.  I know the answer is out there so I keep on trying.  This is not only for me but for people around me as well.

You're only a loser if you give up the fight.  No one will call me or anyone around me that.  I know it's easier said than done but there's no other way.  I still believe I can turn things around because I did once and I can do so again. The fact that you're still trying doesn't make you a loser so cheer up and good luck.

Habits That We Want To Break: One Bad Habit By Micheal Franks

Ever had that situation where you make the same mistakes again and again?  You ask yourself why that happens despite every precaution that you make?  One of the reasons why that happens is because of certain habits that you do.  These habits have a way of preventing you from achieving your goals and that's why you have to find a way to break them if you want to succeed.  Wanting to break certain habits that do that reminds me of the song "One Bad Habit": by Micheal Franks.

What are these habits that often keep us from attaining success?  Well they can hesitation and doubt, laziness, negative attitude or refusal to come out of your comfort zone.  We don't want to admit but we all have some habits that often act as a distraction and it could distract us at a time when we least need it.  When it does get the better of us, that's it.  Everything goes down the drain and deep inside you know why that happened.

Our inner demons often produce these habits.  We grapple with them constantly as we make it through the day.  If we want to succeed, we have to break these habits as well as not to give in to our own fears.  It's not easy but if you want to make it happen that's what we need to do.  Habits are hard to break but if the rewards are worth it, do it.

That's All I Want To Do: Back On My Feet Again By The Foundations

The last five days have left me drained  mentally, emotionally and physically.  Apart from that, I still have to deal with this situation where I have no control on.  I swear there too many unpleasant things that are happening around here lately.  All I want is to get back on my feet and have peace of mind.  Listening to the song "Back On My Feet Again" by The Foundations always reminds me of that wish.

I wish I was like the character in that song where he had someone help him to get back on track.  The sad reality is that you have to do that on your own.  That's what I've been trying to do all these years and I still can't get it right.  Just when I think I spot something that might help, it turns into dust and I back to square one.  Now that I'm getting older, things just keep getting tougher.

Though it's gets harder, I still am determined to keep going till I find it. To be able to stand on my own and have some peace is all that I want right now.  I've been through too much tumultuous and disappointing years and though I have accepted the end results, that doesn't mean that I'm quitting.  I still believe that I will achieve that even though my good days have passed.  That's all I want to do right which is why I'm trying to do all that I can to get it.

I Stand By My Family Forever: He Aint Heavy He's My Brother" By The Hollies

My aunt did something really amazing on Facebook.  She posted a slideshow that depicted old photographs of my late father.  They were so old and so rare even I haven't seen them before.  Apart from the photos, there were some music from their era that was also played along with the slideshow.  One of the songs that was there was "He Aint Heavy, He's My Brother" by The Hollies.

I guess I mentioned this because this month we celebrate Father's Day but sadly it's been three years since he passed away.  I still miss him to this day and what hurts the most is the fact that he died just when things were starting to look up.  Apart from my father, this song applies also to my brothers and my mother. Their joy is my joy and their sorrow is my sorrow.  Right now they are the world to me and all I want is to see them happy and safe.

As I've mentioned time and time again on this blog, my family is everything to me.  I don't mind having it tough so long as they are all safe and sound.  Even when we disagree at times, I will always stand by them.  If I help them, I don't ask for anything in return because they're my family.  They are never a burden to me because I care about them and they care about me.  No matter I stand by my family forever.

Always Remember That People Care About You: Good Feeling To Know By Poco

I have to admit that I've been griping a lot these past few weeks.  I just needed to blow some steam about all the things that have caused me and a lot of people a great of anxiety.  Things have been so tough that I've been stressed to the max.  Be that as it may, I don't forget the fact that there are people out there who care and they are always there when things don't go so well.  It is because of these people that I keep going.  The love and care that these people give to me reminds me of the song "Good Feeling To Know".

Sometimes the stress that problems bring you can drive you crazy.  It's during these time when people help you during your time of need.  A pat on the back, some words of encouragement or even a joke is an effort from these people to uplift your spirits.  Some would even go through extraordinary lengths to bail you out without asking for anything in return.  This is  because they believe in you.and  more importantly, it shows that they care.

Support like is hard to come by and that's why we don't take these people for granted.  They are there for us when no one else was there to lift you up.  More importantly, they lent their support without asking for anything in return.  Never forget that there are people who care about you.  That' thought would make anyone feel good.

Waiting For Things To Get Better: How Long By Y & T

I have a bad feeling that June and July are going to be very rocky months.  The fact that things didn't go well for us in May and right now we all have swords  hanging on our heads.  It was bad enough that the previous years have been bad but now they are starting to look worse.  I can't wait for this bad cloud to bug out so that things will be better.  Wondering when this bad funk will be over and when the good times will be back reminds me of the song "How Long" by Y & T.

And I thought my bad cycle years were bad enough.  These days, I wake and sleep with stress and worry everyday as something always happens and things just fall apart.  The problems just keep coming this time around and it's more than we can bear.  I'm beginning to feel I am playing a more level of this sick cycle that I find myself in.  The worst part is it's not just me but around me are also feeling the heat and that really breaks my heart.

The only thing keeping me from giving is remembering Bergson's "Shipwreck Theory" that one day this will be over.  Until then, I am just trying to find ways to help ease the situation though it seems I'm just bouncing off the wall.  Still, I know the answer is out there and I'll trying till I find it.  I just have to wait it out till things get better.  I know it will someday.

A Loner At Heart: The Loner By Gary Moore

Whenever someone would ask me how describe myself,  I would always I'm a loner.  I was always the type of person who didn't exactly fit in with others when I was young.  This was because my first exposure to society didn't start well and it took me a long time to get along with others outside my family.  To this day, I still maintain a certain degree of separation from others even though I get along with them.  This is because deep inside I am a loner who still longs to find something that will give me some peace of mind.   That's why for this post, I am using the song "The Loner" by Gary Moore.

Ever since that bad debut into society, I always kept a certain distance from what was going on.  This went so far as not even getting into the "in" stuff that people enjoyed at the time.  I was always selective of the people who I hung around with.  Like me, most of them were lone wolves who wanted to find a place where they can be themselves.  I didn't want to be part of the crowd but to get away from and find that which I can feel I belong in.

To this day, I still have that loner mentality.  Oh I get along bests as I can and do what I have to do because it's part of surviving in this world where no man is an island.  But inside is a restlessness in me that wants to be where I can be with my own kind.  Maybe when I find that which I am looking for, only then will I truly loosen up.   The restlessness in me stills fuels my being a loner because a lot of times no one understands and I doubt if any of them ever will.

Hoping That The Start Of The Day Will Be A Good Day: Come Morning By Grover Washington, Jr.

Lately I haven't been getting a good night's sleep because I tend to linger a little bit too much before I turn in. I'm doing this too often but I do so because I'm trying to find answers to questions that nag me to no end.  Sadly, I keep coming up with nada which adds to the frustration.  I guess this is why I wake up earlier than I should cause I hope that when the day starts, it would lead to something good for a change.  Hoping that the would be good day reminds of Grover Washington, Jr.'s song "Come Morning".

Everyday I try hard to find answers to questions that hang heavy inside me.  Just when I thought I find something that will lead me to the answers I seek, it turns out to be a bust.  As a result, every time I wake up, I always have too things on my mind.  Still, when I see the darkness fade into dawn, it gives me hope that  there is another day and with another chance to find that which I seek.  New day means new hope that I'll find it.

Why do I keep going?  I was able to do it once but something happened and now I'm back to square one.  Still, if I was able to do it before, I am still hopeful that I will do it again.  I just have to keep on going and keep on learning.  Maybe come morning, I might be able to get the answers that I seek.

Knowing What You Want And Going For It: What Do You Want Out Of Life By The Tubes

By next week it would be the first month of June and students will now be back at school and new graduates  are either trying to find a job or are getting adjusted to their new jobs.  My only hope for those new grads is that they be able to do well in life because I know what it feels like when your plans don't come true and you have to build with what's left while feeling uncertain about the future.  If you know what you want, go for it and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.  What comes to that question, it reminds of the song "What Do You Want Out Of Life" by The Tubes.

When you're young, you have all these expectations that you want out of life.  One of the things that you should expect is not everybody will agree with what you want and they dissuade you and even make fun of your plans.  Just remember, it's your life and you have thought over a thousand time and still want to go through with it, then go for it.  Just remember to learn what you have to learn and get the tools that you need to make it happen.  It would happen by waving a magic want but by hard work.

Do what it takes to make it come true but if it doesn't happen be ready with a Plan B.  Still, there's nothing more fulfilling by having your dreams come true.  That said, it doesn't hurt to listen to suggestions and even constructive criticism.  If it's to help you get closer to what you want, take it.  The road to failure starts when you please others instead of yourself so know what you want in life so you will be happy.

Remembering The Happy Days Of The Old House: Our Town By Marshall Crenshaw

Last week was very stressful and now I gotta get up early because has started and I wanna beat the traffic.  To add to my woes, the air of uncertainty stills hangs heavily around me as I still don't what awaits us.  I swear, I'm beginning to think life is starting to play jokes on me.  Only the good memories of summers' past give me comfort during these hot months.  Remembering great times I enjoyed as I kid to my early adult years reminds me of Marshall Crenshaw's song "Our Town".

Back then, we always frolic and ran wild in the summer.  The old house was big enough to do anything and there was always  something to do in the summer time.  If we didn't go out, we'd play war day after day.  As we got older, friends would drop by and we'd party till we'd drop.  That was how we would spend the summer year after year.  It was really a blast.

Today is a different story.  The last couple of summers brought a heat of a different kind as problems to pop around this period.  Each really stressed me out to the end of the year.  I really wish I can go back to that time when life was fun but I can't.  The good memories of those summers are all I have left.

About Not Wanting To Let People Down And Being Let Down: Never Let Me Down Again By Depeche Mode

Among the other things that I stress on this blog is about fulfilling your duties to others.  When you say that you'll do this you better deliver because if not, they won't trust you anymore. That's why when I say that I'll do it, I'll do it even if it's hard.  Sadly when I'm the one relying on the help of others, it always comes up short.  That's been happening a lot lately.  When it comes to not letting others down but being let down by others, the song "Never Let Me Down Again" by Depeche Mode comes to mind.

As much as possible I mind my own business but life always seems to throw some kind of baggage in my arms. For some reason whether I like it or not, I'm in it for the long haul so I do what I can to resolve it.  I wish the same can be said when I'm in need.  Day by day, I look for the answers but find none.  Some promise me help and I wind with nada.

Every time that happens, it's like a slap to the face.  I know you have to work hard but can be so frustrating when the tables are turned.  As if you fulfilled your part of the bargain but wind up getting screwed.  That's a bitter pill to swallow.  That's even though it's hard I try to do things on my own because I hate being let down by big promises that offer nothing in the end.

Why My Blog Post Have Been So Dark Lately: Diary Of A Madman By Ozzy Osbourne

When my obnoxious batchmate paid me a visit, he asked my why are my blog post are dark?  Given what's been happening in the last seven years, I have very little to smile about.  Even during the supposedly good times, something happens that just spoils my mood and ruins my day.  It's been happening a lot lately and apart from working out, blogging is my way of expressing my frustrations.  How frustrated I am can best be summed up in the song "Diary Of A Madman" by Ozzy Osbourne.

These days something always happens that puts me on edge.  Apart from that, unresolved problems from the past haunt me like a ghost day in and day out.  One of my classmates who I bumped a few months back chided me for letting things get to me too much.  I can't help it because I care a lot about the people around me and to hear them having it bad really affects me.  Apart from that, I too have to deal with a new bomb that really took me off guard and with no outlet for my frustrations, blogging is the best way to express these demons out of my system.

Blogging about my problems is thus far my way of dealing with them.  It's not like I'm airing my dirty laundry for everybody to see.  I just need to express these thoughts on some platform to put me at ease.  Still, I am also trying to find a way to resolve this and I hope one day I will.  Till then, majority of my posts will be like a diary of a madman who is trying to make sense of this crazy world driving people crazy.

It Is How I Feel Lately: Whipping Post By Allman Brothers Band

It's the weekend but I still feel low.  The same anxiety that has hit me two weeks ago continues to haunt me like the grim reaper on a terminally-ill patient.  So far, everything that I banked on went bust as if life forbids me to enjoy any kind of achievement.  When things keep going bad, you feel like you're being whipped all the time.  This is the reason why the song "Whipping Post" by The Allman Brothers comes to mind.

Nothing's been going right for a lot of us lately.  Every time I try to hope for the best, those hopes get shot down like a duck during hunting season.  What I get instead are a ton of problems and the worst part about is it happens when you already have too much to deal with.  Every bad news is like a lash on the back with a whip.  It makes you wonder if anything good will happen at all.

Well, right now I am just taking the bad as well as the good that life throws at me.  With more bad than good, that sure is hard to do.  Still I try my best to keep my head high despite all the disappointments.  Hopefully the day will come when all this bad juju will disappear.  When that happens, I won't be feeling like a whipping post anymore.

Chill Man, Chill: Chill Out By John Lee Hooker

Just when I thought I was already stressed out from everything that's been happening around here, I get hit with another bomb. Just when stress thermometer was going down, it suddenly shot up again, driving me into panic mode.  Then I stop myself and try to get it together.  I remember that no matter nasty the things life throws at you get, chill out then work it out.  I have to John Lee Hooker (together with Carlos Santana) for his song "Chill Out" for reminding me of that.

A long time ago, I stayed positive no matter what life threw at me.  I always remained positive but these days, I feel at I am at the edge.  At the back of my head, a voice is to hold on..  Dear God, I am trying my best.  It isn't easy cause life is throwing everything at me including the kitchen sink.

They say that there isn't a problem that the Good Lord won't give you that you can't handle.  All I know is that I am doing the best that I can. The problems keep pouring in and I try to handle it but it sure is tough.  I just hope that the solution won't be far away.  Till then, I'll just chill.

Wish I Was Able To Enjoy The Summer: Breezin By George Benson

Well it rain hard last night and the window wiper broke down.  It was good thing we were still able to make it back home despite the heavy downpour.  Still, I feel a little down that this summer brought out a lot of heat and everything we worked so hard for fell apart.  I wish things could've been different so we could have at least enjoyed the remaining days of summer.  One that I would've listened to if things were different would be George Benson's "Breezin".

If things were different, we would have been celebrating like crazy.  A week off to some outing would have been the icing on the cake.  Watching the sun while relaxing in some shady place taking comfort down south.  Man, we were so excited because it was within our grasp. Sadly, fate dealt a different hand and before we knew it, things went up in smoke.  I guess all that  I got left is this song which I was listening to last night to get the stress out before I went to bed.

Right now I am still weighing my options as well as trying to ensure that things keep on going.  It's no fun sleeping and waking up with pressure on you everyday.  I just pray that things get better and that I make the right choice when the time comes.  Right now I am listening to this song to relax and as well as dwell on what the summer could have been.  I just wish we could have enjoyed this summer rather than be apprehensive till June.

Just Trying To Wise Up: Wise Up By Aimee Mann

Well I feel that another era is about to end and now I suddenly find myself at another crossroads of my life.  I've been in this situation before not once but twice.  It was really due to the choices I made or didn't make.  Now that I've been put in this position again, I really need to think things thoroughly.  I just hope I do it right this time around.  As I write this post,  I am listening to Aimee Mann's song "Wise Up".

I feel like I've been trying to get it right for a long time.  I still the pain from making the wrong decisions and I still remember what I through because if it.  This time around, other as well as me are in the spot because of a cruel twist of fate.  Apart from that, I've been getting a lot of suggestions as to what I should do.  Well I am no trying to be practical as to how I make my decision.  Being sentimental got me nowhere last time.

Right now I'm trying to chill just to get some peace of mind.  I haven't had any for a long time now.  Apart from that, I am also trying to find a way to make money online as a means of additional income.  I haven't been doing very well at that either but I keep on trying.  In between pauses, I am looking outside the house while listening to this song.  Here's hoping that I wise this time around.

Darkness Spreading: I See Darkness By Johnny Cash

One of the worst nightmare's I've every had was when I was dreaming I was in my grandfather's room and it was dark.  Suddenly it got darker and it took over the whole room and I felt the darkness sucking me in and I was calling out for help.  Next thing I knew I woke up in beads of sweat despite the fact that the air condition was on.  It was one of those bad dreams that you won't forget.  That's just one of the reasons why I am using the song "I See Darkness" by Johnny Cash for this post.

Apart from that bad dream, another reason why I started listening to this song was because of these black years that have brought me nothing but bad news.  Just when things look all sunny, the darkness comes out nowhere and casts a dark shadows.  Even when times where great, there was no escaping it.  It's  a if  you had too much of a good time and now it's time to bear the hardships.  Ever since 2000, not a year goes by without that darkness casting itself here.

Right now I'm just trying to get by as the darkness starts to spread itself in each year.  Even when you try to prepare yourself, it just hits you and hits you hard.  If there's a wish that I want granted is that this bad cloud be expunged from me.  Till then, I have no choice but to accept the unacceptable.   It's downer but then again that's life.

Cool Song But Don't Agree With The Suicide Part: Suicide Is Painless From M.A.S.H. Sound Track

Back in the day when you didn't cable to watch good shows, one my favorite comedy programs was M.A.S..H.  It was adapted from the 70's movie about medics in the Korean War and how they cope with the pressures of war and taking care of the wounded.  A lot of times they poke fun at the higher ups as their way of expressing their resentment about this war. every episode always made me laugh. Apart from the good script where I always find myself laughing at every episode,  I also liked the opening song.  The title was called "Suicide Is Painless".

Why did I remember this song all of a sudden?  Apart from being a good song to listen to. I guess dwelling on my current situation made me remember it again.  Don't get me wrong.  I'm not contemplating on the suicide or anything rash.  I am against suicide but to admit I am still frustrated not at what's happened but also because I find myself at another situation where I am placed in a state of uncertainty.  I have to admit it lets the air out of me.

As I said earlier, one thing  I won't do is the suicide part.  If I do that, I'd give in to the pressures and thus have lost.  I don't want someone talking down my grave and saying "You didn't have the guts to keep on going".  Still, right now I really feel down about how things are going.  I just hope that I turn things around while I still can.

Those Precious Moments When You Need To Escape From Reality: Comfortably Numb By Pink Floyd

Man, I'm still feeling down about what happened this last two weeks and a lot of people still feel the same way.  Apart from that, I'm also stressed out about other developments that are still giving me a headache,  Seems like life doesn't want to give me a break and that's why I am in a sullen and annoyed mood right now. What I'd give for a little time out to just to forget about this for even a moment.  Wishing for a precious moment where I can just forget about all this reminds me of the song "Comfortably Numb" by Pink Floyd.

Whether it's a herb or a brew or both, I could sure use it right now.  Nothing's going right and life always  making me accept crap and I'm sick of it.  Right now as I listen to this song, part of me wants to escape somewhere to just get away from it all.  It has to be a place where I feel good and of my own choosing.  If not, I won't feel good and it'll be just like being dragged to some awful place where I to pretend  I like it only to feel sick deep inside.

Sometime no matter how well we carry ourselves despite life's pressures,  there are times we need to get away.  i'm already missing the "two-butts" sessions where we would wind down and get to know each other as well as have fun. This is a very bleak future I face.  That's why I long for those precious moments where you can escape reality even if it's only for a moment.  It helps you face life once you get a grip even when your comfortably at bliss just like this song.

Thinking Happy Thoughts: Dream Walking By Lee Ritenour

It's been two weeks since the bomb was dropped and I still have that shock in my system.  This week I had a hard time trying to keep my bum mood in check.  As annoyed as I am, I make it a point not to spread it around cause everyone else  would also feel bad.  Glad it's the weekend and right now I am trying to think happy thoughts to give me some comfort.  One song that I'm listening to just to get some cheer into my soul is Lee Ritenour's "Dream Walking".

I've been going up and down Youtube to find this gem because every time I hear it, it calms me down along with my other 24K tunes.  When I hear this song play, it takes me to a special place where I can be at peace.  Either the beach during the sunset with drink in my hand and fine lady at my side or at some classy joint enjoying fine dining with your dream companion.  As I listen, relaxation starts to set in and even for a moment, a smile appears on my face.  That's how good this song is when you want to relax.

Sadly reality will once again come knocking at my door and I will deal with the cold hard facts regarding the hand that I was dealt with.  Well that's life and there's no escaping the crap it throws at you.  All I can do is consider my options and I hope I chose the right one this time.  Until then I'll just listen to this song and other tunes like it to help me through this storm.  Just brave the situation and think happy thoughts no matter how hard it gets.

Still Feeling Bad About It: Feelin Bad Blues By Ry Cooder

I remember a scene from the movie "Cross Roads" where Jami Gertz's character leaves Ralph Macchio's character and he tries to chase after her but was too late.  To add to his woes, Joe Seneca's character tells him that there was no missing song by Robert Johnson.  Yet he also tells him that he had talent for the blues and at that point he starts to play his guitar to chase his blues away.  The rain was heavy but the riffs were cool.  If I remember right he played "Feelin Bad Blues" by Ry Cooder from the movie's sound track.

I started listening to this song lately to chase away my own blues.  I have to admit I still bad about what happened last week and the uncertainty that it has created has been hanging heavily on my mind.  The feeling that everything's slipping away and having no control over it can really sink your spirits to a new low.  It reminded of the helpless feeling that I had during those dark  days as well as brings back the fears that those days are here again.  It's a bummer to admit but it sure makes me feel bad.

Right now I'm still weighing my choices and weighing them carefully.  It's kinda hard to that when your heart's  heavy but it has to be done.  I just hope that things work out in the end.  At the moment, I need some respite from all this chaos.  Feeling bad can do that to a person.

It's Hard But You Have To Move On: Picking Up The Pieces By The Average White Band

Right now I'm still a little shell-shock from what happened this whole week.  Nobody wanted it to happened but sadly it did.  Still, we can stand still forever.  It's best that we start packing up and make the necessary tasks to start a new.  Having that thought in mind is the reason why I chose the song "Picking Up The Pieces" by The Average White Band".

What is like getting hit flush in the jaw and and your whole body goes numb as the blow overrides your entire being.  Yet even as the world starts to turn and and pain sets in, part of your mind is still conscious.  Even as you get up and the fight's over, you have to find the strength to accept what's happened, learn from it and move on.  Right now that's what I and others who got hit by this bad news are trying to do.  It's not easy considering the gravity of the situation that we are in.  Still, you better move or spend another cycle of misery.

What I said in the last sentence of the paragraph reflects the bad times that I went through in the past.  Going through it twice was really painful that I still can't forget what I went through and how I felt back then.  That's why I need to start planning to avoid going through that again.  This second half of the year is going to be very tough.  I just hope we all pull through before it ends.

Hope I Get Right This Time Around: This Time By Al Jarreau

The development that happened last week is still deep in my mind.  Once again I find myself at the crossroads where I have to make a decision on where I go from here.  The last two times got me falling into a deep abyss.  Just because I've made through two storms that doesn't mean that I wanna go through it again.  That's why I want to make sure that I make the right decision this time around.  As I ponder what to do, I am listening to the song "This Time" by Al Jerreau.

Like a lot of 24K tunes, this helps me relax and puts my mind at ease when everything in my world has been turned upside down.  Anyway, going back to the latest thorn in my side, right now I am trying to get over the shock of what happened.  There are so many suggestions but everything is up in the air and nothing has been confirmed.  After making so many wrong choices, I wanna make sure that I do right THIS TIME around.  That's why I am seriously checking each and every options that are available to ensure that things go smoothly when the verdict is out.

Right now I am again listening to this song as I look the window and take comfort in the darkness of the night.  I'm still trying to get myself ready once my choice is made.  There still a month and two weeks to go but I have to be ready before then.  I don't what the future brings but I hope this around all of us could get a break.  May things work for the best when I make my choice this time around.

Can't Even Feel The Rain: Walking In The Rain By The Ronnettes

Well the transition from summer to rainy season has now begun.  Just when you think it's going to be a hot day, a down pour comes out of nowhere and you have to run for cover till stops then it gets hotter as the heat from the concrete starts to rise up due to the rain.  Right now I am oblivious to it because of what happened this past few weeks.  After all that'sst past, I wouldn't mind walking in the rain.  That's the reason why I'm the song "Walking In The Rain" by The Ronnettes for this post.

Throughout the previous week, each and everyone of us felt like we were shot in the chest with a shotgun at point blank range.  Even now we're still shocked at what happened.  It's been a long time since I felt this paralyzed yet I have never forgotten how crippling and how scary it hits you.  Everywhere I look, the facial expressions are the same.  To add insult to injury, the rain starts pouring when you're about to go home.

Well right now, I'm just preparing for the worse.  I went through crap twice and I don't want to go through that again.  I just hope I make through this storm and that others around me do the same.  It's gonna be a heavy rainy season.  I guess I have no choice but to brave the down pour till storm has passed.

Can't Be Sure About Anything Anymore: Can't Be Sure By The Sundays

I arrived early at work as usual and punched in the clock as proof that I'm here already.  After signing the log book, I sat on my desk and the questions start flooding in my head.  The routine has been shattered and the changing of the guard has left an air of uncertainty in this place.  It's a sad reminder that nothing is certain in this world.  Listening to the song "Can't Be Sure By The Sundays"  reinforces that fact.

Last week, the news hit us so hard, we just stared at each other because we were so shocked at how things turned out.  Those who could speak, kept asking why did this happen.  All I know is I am facing an uncertain future and I am not alone.  None of us are confident of our future at the moment.  Everything is up in the air with our fates in the balance.

As I've blogged before, I am just preparing for the worse.  Getting my papers ready and keeping my fingers crossed while doing so.  The last three years were a blast and I really like the guys I was working with.  I just hope we all make it through.  No matter how uncertain things are, I'll do my best to make through these hard times.

What Do I See In The Mirror: Mirror, Mirror By Dokken

Whether it's morning or evening,  I see the same thing every time I face the mirror.  What do I see?  Simply a tired and worn guy who's getting older and still trying to get his act together.  Can't believe that it's been so long and I still can't get it right.  Whenever I get that thought as I face the mirror, the song "Mirror, Mirror" by Dokken comes to mind.

I see a tired and weary face every time  I look at the mirror.  Tired from all the efforts that I put in and weary from stressed when you come up empty.  I guess it's because I can't relax anymore as problems  pile up and the temptation of regretting what could've been haunts my thoughts these days.  The white hairs that start to sprout in hair and beard are starting to multiply are signs that time has passed me by and I have to make do with what's left.  Not a very flattering thing to see.

Still, despite what I see, I still keep going.  The thought that there are still things that I can do and that I'm still here means that there things that are attainable.  I just have to keep hanging in there.  It's not a very pretty sight I every time I look in the mirror but then again it's still what I am and for better or worse I have to accept it.

Still Shocked By The Weekend: Shocked By Martha Davis And The Motels

Well the weekend has finally arrived.  The fact that I opened my eyes at around 9:00 am is proof of that since I usually get a heck of a lot earlier during week days. Still, even though it's a rest day it still does not give me any comfort.  This is because I'm still shell-shocked from what happened this past week.  How I feel is bests summed up in the song "Shocked" by Martha Davis And The Motels.

I thought things were going to go smoothly as planned and I looked forward to seeing a great victory.  Those hopes were dashed when I received a phone call late in the evening informing me that things have taken a bad turn.  I was so full of anxiety that I couldn't sleep and had left the house very early.  When I arrived, my deepest fears had come true.  This was confirmed late in the day and we all went home with heavy hearts.

Right now I face an uncertain future as the situation had gone from bad to worse.  Everything is hanging in the air as we try to make sense of the chaos that blew up on our faces.  In light of this development, I am considering my options on what I must do and will start taking the necessary steps to do it.  It's a rough year getting rougher.  Getting shocked doesn't help either.

It All Hit Us At Once: Everybody Down On Me By Lightnin Hopkins

Just when things couldn't get any worse, they already did.  Last Monday, I received some news that made my knees buckle.  I turned pale and couldn't sleep and the fact that people were light of the situation only annoyed me further.  The next day, what I heard last night confirmed my deepest fears.  The looks on people's faces made it very clear.  The way the news hit all of us very hard reminds of the song "Everybody  Down On Me" by Lightin Hopkins.

Everywhere I looked, the answer was the same.  Nobody had the strength to speak or talk about it.  All you could hear were the would've or could'ves.  Some offered their own explanation on what happened but it did little to ease the pain.  As the clock struck 5:00 pm, we left with our heads hung low as the rain clouds started to form and the smell of water filled the air.  It was if we were shot and our souls left our bodies.  It was a hollow and empty feeling that I have never forgotten and to feel it again really hurts.

Right now, there so many problems that we have been dealing with and now another one has come along which only serves to knock me hard on my chest.  Once again I have to dust up a few sheets and make a few calls.  This is going to be another dark year.  Just when I thought that things were going to get better, they got worse.  It really hit us all very hard.