Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Well the countdown has started and pretty soon we will welcome 2009 with open arms (and lot of fire works and booze to boot). With the start of the a new year, we get a second at dreams and hopes that were unfullfilled in the past. A lot has happened this year and alot of it has been bad. After a terrible year full of war, economic depression, corruption and other problems, we all need a fresh start. Whenever I listen to Tracy Chapman's song "New Begining", I am reminded of that second chance to start anew.
I wouldn't be surprised if everyone wants a fresh start after all the hard times we went through this year. There have more bad times than good lately and it's just this year but in previous years as well. What hurts most is alot of bad times occured during crucial moments when a lot was at stake. Man, we get to break the cycle this time around because this cycle is one bad ride that I really want to get off. I also know that I'm not alone in thinking like this because the one thing we don't want is a repeat of the past and there's been too much repetition lately.
I don't always show it during the revelry, but I do hope that some good changes happen this time around. I hope lessons will be learned and confictss will be resolved because the last two years, there have been pains and issues unspoken and wounds unhealed that it's effect is like having a dagger stabbed between your ribs while being gagged so tight, you can't scream from the pain. As for me, I hope I can muster enough strength and make the right decisions to really break the cycle this year as I start to feel the weight of my years on me. There's too much at stake and I don't much time which is why I have really steel myself some more to really change things around. I believe everyone deserves a fresh start and I hope this new year is really a new begining not only for me, but everyone else so as the celebrations start, I keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Well tomorrow will be New Year's Eve and once again, everyone will be gearing up for the celebration with drinks, food, firecrackers and anything to stir up the excitement as well as the imagination. These days whenever the last round of the holidays come about, my feelings of melancholy grow even more as I look back at the past and try to build with what's left at present. These last eight years have been one crazy emotional rollercoaster ride with everyone getting their world rocked. When I think about all that's happened and what failed to transpire, the only consolation that one can get is the hope that the new year brings. Until then, I might just sit back and take a long at all that's happened around me to the tune of the song "These Are The Times To Remember" by Billy Joel.
The first time I heard this song was on an NBA music video which featured the legends of basketball from past to present. When I hear it, I think about things that was lost that no one talks about yet affects us all as well as unresolved issues that continue to haunt us up to now and all the other social and economic developments whose impact really hit all of us really hard. I also think about dreams that never came true and opportunities that were lost. I try not to be bitter about it but sometimes I get a stabbing pain when the thought enters my mind. Growing older but not smarter as the new year approaches really makes you sit down and think about all that come and gone as well as what to do about it.
Like I said in the first paragragh, these last few years have been hell on me. I really hope that next year, things will be much better. Although I'm not one to be an ingrate, I guest I'm really disappointed in what happened this year. I really tried hard to find ways to make things better but alas, it didn't do well. Once again, I hope things change for the better and I'll try harder to make that happen.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
I really should thank my brother Ding for what he gave me this Christmas. The MP3 player and speaker were great, but more than that, the cool tunes in that player were priceless. It was a big help for me because I got somethig to listen to during the week days when there's no 24K. More than that, he was able to get stuff that I myself forgot about. One of the songs that he gave me is really cool song that 24K rarely plays. That song is "Brandy (You're A Fine Girl)" by Looking Glass.
This is about a bar girl from the a port town who served drinks to sailors and took care of them as came in to wind down. Unfortunately for her, the man she loves chose the seas over and when it's closing time, she walks around thinking about them. This is a cool song that really takes your mind of the chaos of the mess that goes around everyday. It also makes you want to go to your favorite bar and drink you signature drink. This is definitely a good chillout song.
Hearing this song during my brother's Christmas dinner really took my mind away from my holiday apprehension and blues and it together with all the other songs were simply awesome. I can listen to these, plus my other collections all through out the rest of the holiday until 24K weekend rolls in again. They sure don't make music like this anymore. If you'll excuse me, I'll just stock up on the batteries and listen to all my favorite tunes. Happy Holidays everyone!!!
I just had my morning ruined again on the day that I was looking forward to all month long. To say that it's not good to wake up and be pissed the whole day is a gross understatement. Good thing 24K was on and to soothe my boiling temper, I simply turned on the radio and just listened to all those great and rare hits that I grew up on. It really takes me to a time when good music was all around us and that was all we needed. I get reminded of that when I listen to The Doobie Brothers' hit song "Listen To The Music".
This song takes me back to the garage days where we gathered around with all our cassette tapes and booze to chill out. Nothing but good music and laughter filled the air and some of brothers really got into the song as they lipsinked or actually sang along with the tape. I never claim to be a music expert but I do know that good music works wonders for the soul on any ocassion. When it comes to dancing the blues away, this song fits the bill.
I'm feeling a little better now after a good afternoon of cool songs from the past. You can say it's a cheap form of therapy which gives comfort to an otherwise crappy holiday. When I hear this song, I long for those day when we celebrated the holidays the way it should be celebrated. After what's been happening lately, I groan with the thought. Oh well, at least there's 24K and till something good happens, I'll let the music play and listen till I chase those blues away.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Though we've already celebrated Christmas a few days ago, the festivities aren't over yet. Though we're still reeling from all the booze and herbs that's messed up our heads and stomachs, New Year's fast approaching which means another round of drinks and revelry to welcome 2009. I wouldn't be surprised if most of us are more focused stocking up on alcohol and fireworks, than listing down our resolutions. One thing for sure, there's going to be alot of firecrackers exploding as well as bottles opening when the big day arrives. Whenever we get excited about how to spend the last day of the year, I remember Jackson Brown's song "For A Rocker".
Whenever this song is being played, you can bet that something big's going down. Just like Christmas, you want it to be really special and spend with special people. For those with money to burn, I wouldn't be surprised if they've stocked up on pyrotechnics for a real blast and if they do that they literally burned their cash (just don't loose a finger). Others would probably just sit back and watch the festivities with some booze and a fine cigar. Either way, it's going to be a blast.
Right now, I just want to look back at the things that happened this year and refect upon it. The good and the bad times and what I can learn from it so that things would be better for 2009. Well, I know that with the new year comes new hope and that is what we all look forward to. Party hard but keep it safe everyone as the we make the preparations for 2009.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Well the first part of the holidays are over as I'm trying to gather my wits about me from all that alcohol I just drank. Next week we begin to say goodbye to 2008 and welcome 2009. Of course, with the new year just around the corner, we all hope for better things and to fulfill that which was denied to us during this year. When I think about this year and the years before that, the first things that come to mind were all the dreams and plans that went up in flames which once again I hope won't happen in the coming new year. When I think about the things that did I wanted so much to come true, but went up in flames, I remember John Mellencamp's song "Paper In Fire".
Losing things that mean alot to you is a really bitter and hard pill to swallow. This is especially true when your salvation or your future is at stake. You try and try and just when you're so close, something happens and it all goes up in flames so fast that you can't put it out. When the smell of the smoke and the burning embers are all that remain, you just stand and stare with mixed feelings of shock and anger. There's alot of that going around and it's going on so frequently that I'm sure alot of people are sick of it.
Looking back, I sure hope that things turn out better next year then they did this year. I know hoping is not enough to ensure a better and more prosperous new year which means I to move to make things happen. I just hope that I do the right things this time around so that it will come true because there's so much at stake and there's little time left. With that in mind, I better be careful about what do so that things turn out right this time around. The one thing I don't want is to it all burn up in flames again cause it's just for me but also for those around me.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Well today's the day because it's Christmas! Everybody's in full gear as the party in every household goes into full swing and kids are probably tearing open their presents to find out what Santa Clause (or their parents and uncles and aunts) gave for Christmas. Even if you're the coldest person on the planet, there's no avoiding the Christmas Spirit. When the celebrations begin just go into full swing. This is what comes into mind when I hear Hall And Oates' version of "Jingle Bell Rock".
This version of the song was very popular during my time because the duo had a lot of hits back then. When you hear the song, it really tells you that it's Christmas. When you look at the video of the song, it shows the ideal way Christmas should be celebrated with family and friends spreading good cheer all around. Although for me, large helpings of alcohol and a good smoke and my bros to share it with will suffice. I'm looking forward to that this evening.
I don't how other people will celebrate this special day but I wish them all well this holiday season. May all enjoy the spirit of Christmas and say Happy Birthday to our Lord Jesus Christ. May friends and family bask in the glow of love and care that the season brings. Me, a few good swigs and I'm set for the night. Merry Christmas to all and may all be happy today wherever you are!!!!
A lot of times, I've had experiences where the truth hurts once you hear it. When that happens, your whole world falls apart and then your knees go weak as you struggle to stay on your feet. Even when you get over the awful shock, you either feel hollow or numb from the massive pain that fate has dealt you. At times like this, a sweet lie is often better than the truth. That's what I feel when I hear the song "Tell Me Lies" by Fleetwood Mac.
This is one of those songs that helps soothe the hurt that the truth gives when your world comes crashing down. I guess the part about telling sweet lies is thinking of you wanted things to be or what could have been. Although it's an illusion, it gives you comfort nevertheless, especially when the truth is too cruel to bear. You can say it's like getting injected with morphine after a really bad injury whose agony is unbearable. I guess lies aren't that bad at certain times.
Eventually you accept the truth because a sweet lie can only get you so far. In the long run, the sweet lie will be like a drug that one will use when the going gets tough and eventually be that person's downfall. What could'ves are great, but we got to build with what is because that's all there is. We're entitled to a little time out when things hurt but in the end, we should get over it and move on. Oh well, atleast the lie was sweet even for a moment.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Lately I've been going through alot of mood swings regarding alot of things that have been happening around me. If it's not one thing, then it's another and there's no escaping it. Every experience has left me either dazed at the least and my blood pressure hitting the roof. Although I have to admit, there have been some good times as well. All in all, they're really crazy times if you put them all together. Whenever I think of all these highs and lows, I hear the song "Locked Out" by Crowded House" in my head.
Whenever I hear this song, it reminds of the whirlwind feeling I get when something happens that turns my world updsidedown. Whether something good or bad happens, you can bet that in between my heart starts pounding from the urgency of the situation. During the bad times, I sometimes feel like I'm on the outside and can't do anything about and when the times are good, I really just caught in the deluge which can't be avoided. When I watch this song's video and see the expressions of the people running, I can really relate with that. Everyday, you feel like running at a hectic pace and wonder if you'll ever slow down.
Well right now we're making preparations for Christmas and I still have those up and down mood swings coupled with that hectic feeling. I guess I'm nervous as to how things will turn out. When I think of the problems that fill my head, I feel locked out because I can't do anything about and locked in because it affects me too. I do hope one day things turn for the better just like in the lyrics. Maybe one day things will be okay in the end which is what I wish for the most.
Monday, December 22, 2008
When things are too quiet, you know that something's going down. It can be a good kind of kind of quiet when someone throws you a surprise party or it can be a bad kind of quiet when you're boss suddenly calls to his office and shuts the door. It's worse when you enter a room and everybody's quietly doing their own thing to the point of being oblivious to each other or someone going off from the group for reasons only he knows. At times silence can be good when you need some time to collect your thoughts. Whatever the reasons, when things are too quiet, you know something's going down and that's what I feel everytime I listen to Simon And Garfunkel's song "Sound Of Silence'.
For me, silence is one of my imagenary friends who gives me shelter from the chaos brought about by some bad mistake. When someone dumps a truckload of crap on my lap, if I start clamming up, it means I'm pissed. Whenever a person gets pissed or is not feeling right, it proves the old saying that silence speaks louder than words. The negative energy that the person projects is louder than any whining or shouting that can uttered. When you feel that aura spreading to the room, you better take notice.
What projects a person's true emotions bottled up inside can also be the thing that can soothe him. Like I said previously, when all things are quiet, then I can let all that negative dissipate without passing it on to someone else like a deranged zombie bitting one victim after another. It also helps me pull myself together to reassess things to know how to deal with the situation. One thing for sure, be wary when things get to quiet. That's why I appreciate the sound that silence makes.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
When I entered that blog entry by Darlene Love, one person gave me an emotional reply which I am grateful for. Right now as the big day fast approaches, the more my anxiety grows. Christmas for me is not complete unless everybody is there. For the last 11 years, I always keep my fingers crossed till everybody arrives and then I can breathe easy. At present I'm hoping against hope that everybody will be there.
Because of this apprehension, I keep hearing the song "It's Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)by U2 which was originally done by Darlene Love.
I have to admit the only time I didn't feel like this was when I was in a deep sulk which back in 2002 and because of that, I feel that Karma is teaching me a lesson about being angry during the holidays. Whether we celebrate Christmas on the eve or on the day itself, it's not complete when someone is missing. I know it's childish of me but if the family is incomplete, it's hard to feel festive when that happens. When that happens, I feel like someone just blew a giant hole in my chest and slice my heart to a million pieces.
So here I am again with my fingers crossed as the days draw close to the most important day of the year. Last year, I didn't it but I was worried to death as to what will happen and fortunately things ended for the best. I'm not so sure about this year which got me very worried. I'm not blaming anyone or am I siding with anyone but if things go bad on this day, it sure is going to hurt and that hurt might cause the tear to rip through the bonds of this family. If that happens, then it's not Christmas even if there are bright lights and carols all around.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
During my last semester in college, the one thing that I hated was the fact that all the good schedules were taken and I was left with late slots. To make things worse, I had a four hour break in between those schedule. I felt it would be a waste if I went home only to return again. Luckily, I was able to meet with different kinds of people during my time in college. As a result, not only did I find a way to pass the time, I was also able to meet and hang out with different types of people with did me good. That's the reason why I remember those times whenever I hear the song "Down Boys" by Warrant.
It was a crazy time because one minute I was asleep in the library and cramming for my thesis in the next. Whenever I was with the long-haired rockers, it was all brews and spices. If I was with the geeks, I was exposed to Macross, anime, manga and other stuff(it was surprising the type of things these guys carry). Other times, I was with the run-of-the-mill types and just exchanged conversations till class started. It was a crazy way to finish college but I made it through.
It's been a long time since college graduation and I still am trying to get it together. Despite dealing with a lot of things both at work and at home, whenever I think of those crazy times, it takes some of the pressure of me. It really did me good because I was able to meet different types of people, learn a lot from them and best of all have good time with them. Thinking about those times really puts a smile on my face whenever it comes to mind. Just goes to show how much of a good time you can with different people if you just let yourself enjoy their company.
Friday, December 19, 2008
A lot of times, I often find myself wondering if things were different. Sometimes it gets to the point that I find myself wishing for so many things. I know at this point in time, I should stop wishing and start doing. I just can't help it because a lot of things that I wanted to go right just went wrong. When that happens, you often find yourself wishing for better things. Whenever I get into this mood, it reminds of Go West's song "King Of Wishful Thinking".
Although this song is about getting over a break-up, you can relate that feeling to a host of other failed goals. When it comes to failed goals, I have so many of them that I can fill a whole dumpsite. Everytime things crumble, like this song, I try to get my wits about me and say to myself that this will past. In between, I fight the urge to breakdown or lashout even if that urge hurts a lot. As much as I try to rationalize it, I feel like another stake has been driven through my chest, leaving a huge hole in my heart.
As I end another year with dismal results, I once again try to make plans for the coming year. As I feel the weight of my age and the urgency of the situation, I have to regroup and rethink what I have to do not to make this mistake again. I hate to admit this but there's been to much wasted time and opportunities that I can't let another chance slip by me again. I know it's foolish to be too wishful, but I can't help it. After all, some wishes do come true if we try hard enough and thinks smart enough.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
A few months ago, I blogged about one of the best summers of my life. This was during the Summer Of '89. All I did was hang out with my buddies and get wasted from noon to night. It was one of the few times that I felt really free and life was sure good during that time. It was really the summer where we rocked and rocked hard. One of the songs that my friends' jammed during that summer was a classic song from the band Cream called "White Room".
Man, this song brings back memories of those good old days when good music was rare and beer was cheap. I'd walked over to my friend's house as he and my other friends would start setting things up. After a few brews and spices, they would start jamming and this was one of the songs that they really played well. Pretty soon the bottles would start rolling on the floor and we were stewed for the day. I was so knocked up, I had to get a ride to go home.
More than the drinks and the good music what made those days so memorable for me was the fact that I found my own group of friends rather than just going with my brothers in their gimicks. Soon enough, they were joining us and the more the merrier. With cheap beer, alot of spice and good people all around listening to music, who can ask for anything more? It was next best thing to heaven for me and it still is. It will always be one of the best things that happened in my life which I will forever cherish.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Man I remember during one of my bad periods when a lot of things were taken away from me. Though I felt destitute and heart-broken, I also realize that I had two choices: either you finish your decent to failure or fight to reclaim what was taken from you. I chose the latter and proved those who took what I cherished that I wasn't going down the tubes as they expected. I wasn't going to let all that I held dear slip away without a fight after working so hard to attain it. Whenever I think of how things are against me during my darkest hour, I remember the song "Prove Me Wrong" by David Pack.
This song provided me with the fuel to reclaim what was taken from me during those down days. You know people all have dreams and aspirations in life and it stinks when something happens that threatens all we hold dear, especially when we worked so hard to achieve it. Whenever we struggle to achieve our goal, you can bet that there's some jerk out there who who'll try to gum up your plans and put you out of the race. When that happens, you got to fight tooth and nail to prove that you're on track and not listen to those who jeer at your efforts. When you win out in the end, the joke is on them who scurry out of sight when you are the victoer.
No matter how many times you win out in a struggle, you can be sure that there's a new one around the corner. Life is a never-ending struggle to survive and there cruel people out there who would like to see you fail. When that happens, it's time to stand your ground and fight hard for what you believe and hold dear. You can bet that they'lll be more and more vicious in their desire to see you fail. Just remember to hold your ground and prove them wrong.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
A Cool Song That Everybody Can Agree On/Cool Soundtrack That Takes Me Back: On THe Darkside By Gerry Cafferty & The Beaver Brown Band
You know one of the dilemnas that people had during a party is what kind of music should you play. Some like to dance, others like to rock and those in between like to just chill. Getting songs that would please all three can really be difficult since each would insist on their own taste. Fortunately, there are some songs out there that would probably please all three. One song I recommend was a soundtrack from the movie "Eddie And The Cruisers" called "On The Darkside" by Gerry Rafferty And The Beaver Brown Band.
The song was about a fictional band whose singer suddenly disappeared. One of my favorite scenes in the movie was when the lead character was performing the song as a ballad and Eddie gave a more rock edge that caught on and became a hit. Whenever I hear this song play on the radio, it really takes me back to the good old days when there was always something going down and the drinks overflowed and was one of the few songs everyone would agree on at a party. The best way to enjoy this song is live in a bar with a cool beer and good cigar. Just sit back, listen and enjoy the music.
You know it's sad that there very few songs like this out there now. Most of the songs that I hear now are all about people who whine about the mistakes they make or about gloom and doom with no substance in it. Everytime I hear these new songs, I wanna shout at the radio and say "Oh Grow UP!!!" I wish we had more music like this again. Thank God for 24K because it's only there that I can listen to good music such as this.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Ever had those times when you wish for something so bad and it never materializes. You try hard and channel your energy to do all that you can but it didn't work and all that effort goes down the drain. In the end, someone tells you it was never meant for you so just let it go. As much as I'm a level-headed person, I try hard to fight the urge to strangle the jerk who said that. What adds insult to injury is when the alternative that is offered to you is something you detest to the utmost that you want to scream to the high heavens "That's Not Funny!". Whenever I find myself in this kind of situation, I hear Pearl Jam's song "This Is Not For You" playing in my head.
Whether it's losing a dream job, getting passed over for some else, a rejected project or losing someone to another, this song really fits all these categories. It hurts when the thing or person you want the most was never meant for you and that's an understatement. I hate to admit it but I've been through alot of the above and it happened during the times when I needed it most. You keep wondering what went wrong and despite rationalizing on where you went wrong, the hurt remains. Like I said earlier, being given a lousy alternative is like adding insult to injury because that is not the one that you want and if people force on you, that's when all hell breaks loose. You can take so much when it comes to something you want so bad, that's when you draw the line.
That's why I'm begining to understand why no one wants to settle for anything less. It's either that or nothing. In situations like that, I realize now why people fight tooth and nail to get what they want because it's stinks when you're forced into situations you don't want to be in. Although it makes people stubborn, I have to admire them for their determination to get that which they really want. As I close this entry and looking back at the things and opportunities that I've lost I often ask myself is this is not for me then what is?
Well today is my birthay and another year has just past which I thank the Big Guy from above this morning. Apart from that, Christmas is just a week away as people make their last minute preparations to ensure a good celebration. If there was one thing that I wish for on my birthday is that everyone will be there when the big day comes. Celebrating Christmas took a new meaning for me when we started to drink together and laugh together because I felt our bonds grow deeper. My wish for this to come true gets heighten whenever I hear Kenny Loggins'song "Celebrate Me Home".
I never admitted this to anyone but whenever the family gathers around to celebrate, there is nothing more that I could ask for. Seeing the kids open up their presents and smiling at what they received while me and my brothers and sometimes my friends would break the evening silence with good music, beer bottles opening and a chorus of laughter. In all the times that we did that, it made me proud of who I was and who my family is. More than the drinks or the presents, what was cool was the fact that we were all there happy is always the best present that I can ever get. Seeing that and feeling that makes reminds of what family is all about.
You know even if there are no fancy presents, expensive food or even good booze, so long as I see everybody there, it is enough for me. I don't care if there are no Christmas trees and only dried fish is prepared so long as I see all of them happy then I am happy. With the way things are right now, I do so hope that a miracle would happen and things end well. I know it's childish of me to make such a wish, but then the holidays bring out the child in all of us so we better make sure that we wish for the most important thing. Christmas is all about family and if there's no family, then there's no Christmas.
Friday, December 12, 2008
As Christmas fasts, approaches, people are already gearing up for the big day where we celebrate the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ. Of course, for the kids, it's the time were they wait patiently for the clock to strike midnight to tear open their presents while for the adults, it's the time for families to gather and renew old aquaintances and share few drinks (sometimes too much). With all the hustle and bustle to ensure a good celebration, we should never those who might be able to celebrate: Those who have to work; who have no money and worst no family. Not everybody will be happy on this most important day of the year and that thought not only sobers me, but also saddens me. I know I'm being a bit naive about feeling this but I can't help it because no one deserves to be miserable on that day and whenever I listen to Darlene Love's "All Alone On Christmas", I always get that melancholic feeling regarding the holidays.
I remember in my first job, I almost spent my holidays guarding an abandoned building so some fat cat can call meeting when he feels like it. I'll never forget that melancholic feeling mixed with a little dread about being alone while that jerk is gourging himself on a Christmas night. I'm glad they decided to drop the idea because that's not my idea of a happy holiday. Whenever I see people who have to work on the holidays or worst are victims of a cruel twist of fate, my heart goes out for them. Call me childish, but I wish everyone was celebrating and happy on this time of the year. Christmas means nothing if the all the people you care about aren't there.
As we celebrate the holidays, let us think of those who won't be there on Christmas Day: Doctors and nurses on duty; Police and army personel on call; call center employees; hotel workers who are out there to serve instead of being with their families. Let also think about those who are no longer there and remember the good times we've spent with them. I do so hope that all wishes be fulfilled and that everyone spread the holiday cheers. Merry Christmas to all.
Once in a while a charismatic figure would appear and become a beacon of hope for everyone. Jesus Christ and President John F. Kennedy were two such people who spread call for change that was heard by everyone who listened and then followed. Sadly both were killed by those who found their ideas too radical to accept. Yet the ideals that they still live on today and many still preach the good news that they started. Whenever I think about these two movers and shakers, I listen to XTC's "Ballad Of Peterpumkinhead".
This song really captures the essence of their lives, deaths and impact on others. Both men change the concept of how society should treat it's people. Their charisma attracted many followers but also spawned many enemies who were jealous of their achievements. It was tragic how these two great men died and betrayal is a common element that brought about their deaths. Yet death could not eliminate the ideals that they taught to the people. Today, despite all the chaos happening in the world, many have continued the work they started.
I wonder when will we find another like them in this generation. Hopefully when one does appear, we will listen and understand what they are trying to say. May we also find the strength to protect the values they have given us for the good of society. Too many good people have died fighting the good fight. Let's not add more to the list for there are too many martyrs and too few mover who can change things for the good.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
What is a friend? Believe or not, there was a time when I didn't even know what that was and people who I think were friends only took me for all that I was worth. It was a long time before I learned what a friend was and I think about the few people who I am grateful to have met and taught what me what that word really means. A good friend is the next best thing to brother or a sister and I've been fortunate to have known a number of people who fit that description. Many of them have changed my life at one time or another and when I think of them, I feel like listening to the song "You've Got A Friend" by James Taylor.
Originally written by Carol King, JT made this song his own and has been an anthem for all good friends everywhere. It clearly describes what a friend is all about. A person who will be there through good times and bad and will never deceive you when others will. I think about two very important friends in my life: Jovy and Inaki. I thank them both for all the good times that we've shared and helping me through the bad times. Very few people will go the extra mile the way these two have and the things they did for me, I will never forget and can never repay.
A good friend is worth more than all the money in the world. The bond that you forged with them is so close that they are practically family. Even though I seldom see them, I always think about them everyday. I hope I able to hangout with them one of these days because it's been a long time since we did anything like that. Thank you both for the times we've shared and for being patient with me. You guys taught me what a friend is all about, thanks.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Man, as the holiday draws near, I find myself once again with the bad case of the Christmas jitters. This is when you wonder if everyone will make it and if things go smoothly. I've been having this type of anxiety since 1997 and recent events have have only made them worse. I never told this to anyone and it's something that I've been feeling not only during Christmas, but on every important occassion involving people who are dear to me. The last two years have left my nerves shaken due to the personal conflicts that have not been resolved and whenever I think about how it affects everyone in between, it reminds of the song "Crossfire" by Stevie Ray Vaughn.
What I hate about conflicts is that a lot of people in the middle get hurt even though they have nothing to do with it. Although no one talks about it, I know they all feel bad about it. What I thought was resolved at the begining of the year has only grown worse and those in the middle can't do anything about but sit helplessly back and watch the bad story play through. As all of this is going on, I can't help but feel that something good has been destroyed and because of that, what were once strong bods have severed and nobody is talking to nobody. Nobody wants to take sides or intervene less they too get caught in the crossfire.
If there's anything that I want to come true on my birthday and Christmas is that this conflict end and that issues be resolve so that everybody can get some peace of mind. To be honest, not a day goes by when I don't think about this and now with the holidays with just a few weeks away, I feel my blood pressure rising as I pray that things will work out. I hope that this gets resolved and that both parties learn from what happen so that it would not repeat itself. I do so hope that happens instead of an ugly scene. I don't want to celebrate the holidays getting caught in crossfire argument that will only ruin things for everyone and I pray that it doesn't.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Once again when my brothers see this post, they'll probably wonder why I posted this. Anyway the reason why I posted this is because this was probably best describes the feeling we get when we fall short of people's expectations or when we srew up big time. There's always a lot of pressure on us whenever everyone has their eye on what we do and we don't deliver, feeling the heat is just an understatement. It really hurts when you fail and you catch the ire of everyone around and any explanation that you make is written off as a pathetic excuse.
In the end you just say that you'e only human like that song by Human League called "Human".
Whenever you have a goal in mind, you really want to do your best, especially when a lot is at stake. When you fall short of your goals and see everything fall down the drain, it's even the tip of the iceberg. The hard part comes when everybody starts to grill in their own painfully individual manner. Again, what makes it worse is when you turned down or refuse other offers that in their eyes (or even your own) were far better. When you say that your only human, it's not acceptable. Try as much as you want to save the situation, you can't and when they chew you out, you really feel your human limitations.
I really don't like making excuses for my failures because I feel like I'm trying to wash my hands off my failure. As much as I hate to see things fall down the drain, I know there's no escaping the music. You have to face it, take it and learn from it. The only comfort I can get from such a bad experience is a reminder that to err is human and that there are times when I will make mistakes. I just hope that I do better next time. I know it's natural to fail or make a mistake, but that doesn't mean I like making them.
Monday, December 8, 2008
As much as I'm not a lazy person, I know alot of people agree with me that this is the day we like the least. That day of course, is Monday. Whenever that day starts, you really pray that it would be a good day. How your Mondays go always determine the rest of the week. Everytime my alarm clock rings on that day, I always wish for a few more minutes in bed, but the weekends are over and it's back to the grind. Whenever I hear the song "Manic Monday" by The Bangles, I get reminded that how you start the week will determine how you end it.
Man, the hard part of this day is when the sun breaks, there's no escaping it and it's time to earn your keep. When you get to the office, you hope that the workload doesn't get too heavy or too light. When it's too much, your energy gets sapped and when you still have four days to go and when you have too little, you have to figure out how to be productive in between days. When I get to the office, it's time to shake off the hangover and concentrate on the day's chores. Hopefully, you be able to get the bulk of the data you need, write it down, organize it, have it edited and send it out without a fuzz. When that happens, then you started and finished the week right.
If I wasn't to tired from the weekend's demands which takes the fun out of my day off, I'd probably have more energy to meet the first day of the week. It's hard to start the week when your batteries aren't fully charged. Be that as it may, there's no escaping it. Just go out there and do your best. Don't think about what day it s, but focus on the task at hand. Before you know it, the week is over and all your chores are done. I just hope I get enough R & R on the weekend so that when Monday comes along, I'll be ready for it.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
One of the greatest frustrations that I have is trying to make things better only to see things get worse. I'm lucky if the situation reverts back to square one. People tell me that I'm not trying hard enough or am making unrealistic plans that would never or have a slim chance of coming true. The worst part is when things start getting harder and you have few options left. As much as you try not let it get to you, the feeling of regret over not making the right choice weighs heavy inside you which is further compounded by the lectures of those around you and you have no choice but to swallow it because you slipped up big time. Be that as it may, you find a way to change things for the better to get out of this situation and the song "We've Got To Get Out Of This Place" by The Animals tells me that the choice is mine to make.
This song reminds me of the bleak situation I always find myself in. The worst part about it is the people who shouldn't have to work hard anymore still do and I can do little to ease the pressure. Whenever that happens, I hear the sermons and preachings of the could'ves or should'ves, but didn't ringing in my head. Everytime I try to do things the way I want to, it all goes up in smoke and in the end, I feel like an idiot. This really hurts when there is so much at stake, especially now when I'm needed and there's little that I can do. That really makes you wonder if there is really a light at the end of the tunnel.
Be that as it may, I still have to keep trying because I don't want to see things go down the drain. The only reason why I've been so stubborn is because I'm tired of always doing what other people tell me to do even if it is for my good. Well there's no use in crying over spilled milk because there's work that needs to be done. I know in the end it's up to me to find something better not only for myself, but also for the people around me. I hope I do because I really want to because I still believe there's something better out there for all of us.
It's hard to be caught between two conflicting superiors. The problem in that situation is when one asks you to do a job, the other cancels the said task and in the end, you're riddled with bullets from both sides. The worst part is when one forces you to do something that the other won't approve it, leaving the assignment up in the air. When it doesn't push through the helpless worker is left out to dry. It's not fair especially when the victim is a hard worker and is the best that he could to accomplish the job. When it gets too much, these people just throw the towel and leave and when I hear the song "Dirty Work" by Steely Dan, my heart goes out for these people.
Usually it's the hardworking ones who fall victim to these situations. They just get thrown into it and when the pride of two opposing superiors get into the assignment, it's time to call the paramedics. It's like being poked by a spear in your back as you are driven towards a spiked wall. Whether it's the spear or the wall, you're dead meat is the most likely result. The worst part about it is that these people are always the casualties of office politics and it's not fair. When they decide to leave, the ones who started it don't even know the reasons for they're leaving and that sucks.
Hardworking people deserve better especially if they do all they can to make sure that the task is completed. Superiors shouldn't use them as pieces in a chessboard for their own personal pride. A lot of employees leave good institutions because of that. The boss should make sure everything is running smoothly and that everyone is on the same page. If they don't then the institution breaks down due to internal conflict and a lot of innocents will get hurt in the process. All of this because some poor joe is forced to do some dirty work.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Alot of times in my life, I always find myself misunderstood. Whenever that happens, I really like I'm on the outside. There was even a time during a workshop when my co-worker called me weird and if that isn't being misunderstood, I don't what is. Other times, I had difficulty trying to express myself to others and because of that, I often myself feeling awkward. Whenever I find myself in any of these two states of emotion, I remember the song "Rough Boy" by ZZTop.
Though I can express myself well, sometimes that ability fails me when I need it the most. I guess it's because the pressure gets to me or I just get to excited since there's a lot at stake at that given moment. Whenever that happens, things fall apart which is a real bummer. You can say I'm a roughhewn individual who sometimes fumbles a bit even when it comes to the big score. Just a mentioning that is already hard enough to admit.
Lately when I'm tasked to do something, I do my best to accomplish it to the fullest. I not only do the best work that I can but also try to work off these two character flaws that I have. It's like trying to get two birds with one stone. Hopefully, I'll be able to achieve just that if I keep trying. Till then I hope others have more patience with me cause to put it simply, I'm a little rough at the moment.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
In two weeks time, it will be my birthday. Whether you spend with family or by yourself or celebrate it or not, the decision is up to you. Like Christmas, New Year and other yearly occassions, this day comes once a year and you have the right to enjoy it anyway you see fit. It doesn't matter what other people think because only you know how to spend the day which marks your birth. What matters most is that you get to enjoy that day to the fullest. With that in mind, I like listening to the song "This Day Belongs To Me" by Seals And Croft.
My idea of a good time when that day comes is you wake at anytime you want to. Then you get to go to the places you want to see and buy the stuff that you've been wanting for a long time (what that is for me is confidential). Maybe take time out and find a place with a good view and chill. If I have the dough, dinner with family all present is probably the best thing I could want. Heck, just seeing everyone all present is the best present I can get. Man all that would probably be the best way to celebrate a birthday in my view.
Right now, I'm short of funds so some of the things I mentioned in the previous paragragh won't come true. Nevertheless, there are other ways to have a good time when that day comes. What's important is that I enjoy the day to the fullest. I also should thank God for giving me another year of life which nobody should take for granted. No matter happens, I know things will be all right because that day belongs to me.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
A few months ago, my VHS was damaged and when bought from to the repair shop, they told me there are parts for it. I went from one shop to another until I finally gave up and bought another one. What this experience taught me is that nothing last forever in this world. Something you think that these things or even these people will always be there for but the sad truth is they won't. The song "Dust In The Wind" by the band Kansas reminds me of this truth.
This is probably one of the most haunting songs I've ever heard. When I listen to it, I feel that something important is about disappear, leaving me very sad. It makes think of the things and also the people who aren't here anymore. You'd hope that you'd be together with them forever, then all of a sudden, they are nowhere in sight. Whenever I see movies about ancient rulers who bury all their treasures including they're servants, I can't help but wonder what they would be thinking if they entered the afterlife alone after finding out you can't take it with you. Sometimes I think they're in denial if they believe they can hold on to it even after they have left this world.
Like I've said before, lately, I have learned not to take anyone for granted anymore. I have realized how important they all are to me. For some reason, I always think about what would happend if they too disappeared right now. All I know is that it would break my heart if that happened. In the end, it's all ashes to ashes and dust to dust. Cherish everything and everyone while you still can. In the end, everything is dust in the wind.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
As I have blogged before times are hard and based on what some economic analysts have reported, it might get worse. Right now people everywhere are doing what they can to weather out this economic crisis. With the pressure bearing down on us day by day, it's no surprise that alot of folks are hoping for quick solution to this crisis. As much as I too want a quick fix to this, it's not going to happen and our resolve to get through this will be tested now more than ever. Whenever I think of toughing it out and bearing hard times, it reminds me of the song "Patience" by Guns N' Roses.
Though the song talks about patience in terms of relationship, for me it's all about being able to bear things inorder to solve problems. In an age where people want satisfaction, that's very difficult to do. Some things really take time and this economic crisis is one of them. The last thing I want to do is jump up and down and whine like a spoiled brat because that won't solve anything. Instead of going mad, we need to focus harder on the solutions that would end this problem affecting all of us. It's going to take a while but if we are able to stick it out, maybe something good will come out of all this.
As I've mentioned before, I like Henry Bergson's Shipwreck Theory because it teaches us that one day we will be rescued from the wreckage and just like this crisis, I know it won't be forever. So long as we are willing to take time and effort to confront this, we can lick it. I've always been a patient man through good times and bad which is why despite taking a lot of blows, I will keep on fighting. A journey of a thousand miles always begins with a single step and it's just a matter of making the first step. There will be a light at the end of the tunnel and one of the things we need is a little patience.