Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Just when you thought things couldn't get any bad, they get worse. Everytime I pick up the paper or turn n the television, all I can see is how the financial markets are plummeting due to the big fall of Wallstreet. There's no escaping it as it's impact is felt in every corner of the world. You know it's sad enough when you're on your way to work or going home and see all these homeless street wanderers on the side of the road, you can't help but wonder if there'll be more people who'll wind up this way. It's a grim reminder of how hard life's getting and I wonder if this is just the start. Whenever I see the effects of hardtimes all around me, I think of the song "Another Day In Paradise" by Phil Collins.
The song reminds of the day to day images of life that remind me of the casualties of hardships. Whether it's grease and soot-covered man wandering aimlessly with nothing but dirty rags or a group of children approaching you for some change, it's a grim reminder of what happens when things start crumbling down and when there's no one there to catch you when you fall. Things were hard enough as it is before the financial meltdown. I never thought they can get that worse that quick and I feel that we've been caught with our wallets out of our pants.
Right now a lot of things are once again crowding my mind with this new dilemna. I'm having a hard time trying to keep my head above water and the same probably goes for members of my family as well as everyone else. Right now the only thing I take comfort in is my family. After loosing my grandfather and my nanny eight years ago, I don't want to take anyone for granted anymore. Well I guess it's either figure a way to maintain the budget or ride out the storm. Until then, I guess it's just another day in paradise.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Whenever I think of the Band Genesis, Phil Collins would be the first name to pop out of my head. At that time, I didn't there was another singer in that band who went on a solo career. When that guy, burst on the music scene when I was in high school, I was surprised by his firstsong and even more surprised by the video. The first time I heard the song and saw the video, I was very surprised. The singer's name is Peter Gabriel and the song is "Sledgehammer".
the song was a hit single from his album "So". The song felt more like it belong to the 70's rather than the 80's with it's psychedelic beat. The imagery of the video is kinda errie and I dare say best appreciated when you're under the influence. You just sit back and listen to the song and let the video stimulate your imagination. I wonder if William Hurt felt like this in the movie "Altered States". One word that describes the song: Tripping.
I got that idea from the fact that I came down with a bad case of H-fever when I first heard this song. I guess when your fever is up the boiling point, you'll be seeing images like these as well. I thought I was hallucinating from the fever when I first time I saw this video. Hallucination or not, it's still a cool song and cool video. Now that's what I call 80's psychedelia.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Starting today, I'll be putting one metal song or a really good rock song in my blog entry once a week. Heavy rock music played a large part in life when I was growing up, especially when booze and the "green" came into play. Whether when I was working out or hanging out with the guys, there was always a metal song playing in the room or in the car when something was going down. The metal craze really hit it's peak for me when I was in college where a lot of my friends who listened to it had black leather jackets, cowboy boots, long hair, tie-dye shirts and devil jewelry. First song that I'm putting in my blog in that I listened a lot to back in college is "Mystery" by Ronnie James Dio.
The first thing that comes to mind when listening to these kinds of songs is dragons and sorcerers. A lot of my female classmates weren't into this kind of music and were really annoyed when my friends would play it with the volume full blast. When I saw the video of thing song, I wasn't surprised that it came out the way it did and at that time a metal video in this country was always rare. Video or no video, it's still one of my favorite metal songs. Every time I hear it, it makes me stop whatever I'm doing and listen.
Today, I really feel like I'm old whenever the subject of music is brought up. I can no longer make a connection with today's music that I don't know what new bands are popular anymore. Well, I leave that to the present generation. As for me, I'll stick to my oldies and always goodies which will include metal songs. Though they were not played on RT, it's apart of me and it's good for the imagination and gives a good pump of adrenaline to boot which is why I'll be adding them to my blog.
Man, it's bad enough that not only am I getting older and things are harder, but good times are getting fewer. When they said that when your an adult, it's time to face reality and pull your weight, I never realize how tough it was gonna be until I was thrusted into it. Right now I find myself longing for the time when all that you think about was where you were gonna go and how much dough you had for beer and "greens" to enjoy with your buddies and brothers. More than the beer and the "greens", what I missed most was the times we shared and the laughter which filled the night to the break of day. When I think of the good times I shared with friends and brothers, it reminds me of the song "When We Was Fab" by George Harrison.
This was cool song where Harrison remembers the glory days of the Beatles or "Fab Four" when they were on top of the world. It remind me of the times when my friends and brothers did a lot of great things together and gimick money and materials were our only worry. It was back in 1982 when things really got wild and we always did them together. Whether it was at home, at a friend's house or at a bar, there was always something worth doing and we did it to the limit. Man I thought the good times would never end.
Well, like I said earlier when reality sets in, you find yourself with deadlines and assignments to think about instead. Getting quality sleep is the best thing that you could hope for and praying that nothing bad happens is a thought that is imprinted on your head day in and day out. Still, those good times shared with good people always warms me at the end of the day. Starting the day and ending the day with no hassles is good enough for me. Maybe when things finally calms down and everything is right, once in a while those days will come to life again.
Friday, September 26, 2008
These past few days, I have been very reflective about a lot of things that have happened to me. Sometimes I wonder if some of the things I did was worth it or not? It's true that I haven't accomplished much lately and there are a lot of things that need to be addressed around here, but atleast I'm still to do it. Despite the fact that I've had a lot of dissappointments, I don't take for granted the fact that I'm still here which means that I still the chance to do something. That's the reason why the song "Alive" by Pearl Jam is my favorite grunge song of all time.
When the alternative music scene first appeared in the early 90's, gone were all the spandex, synthesizers and shallow songs of the past decade as music went back to basics with a very mean beat. The first time I listened to this song was during my last semester in college and as I prepared for my graduation, a flood of questions filled my head as to what have I learned and am I ready for the real world? It takes me back to my exit interview where I finally poured everything that I felt about what I've experienced and my feelings towards graduation. It seemed that I had a lot of questions and I felt like I a had a few pieces missing and those pieces were the things that I didn't accomplish as a student which left gaps in me that still exist today. Those missing pieces and questions, coupled with the failed ambitions knocked me up quite alot and lately I find myself always going back to the drawing board.
As you have read, after college and at the crossroads of my life, I'm still trying to get together. Too many failures and too little successes with a lot of hurt is how I describe things so far. Be that as it may, I have survived and I'm still here. If that's the case, I guess there's still hope to jumpstart things and I better get to it because time is gold and you never know when it runs out on you. In closing, I remember what Lord Toranaga said to John Blackthorn: "If you're alive, then act alive!"
Pearl Jam - Alive
Vezi mai multe video din Muzica »
Thursday, September 25, 2008
A few days ago, somebody told me that alot of my entries were about my bad periods. He was worried that I had been affected by too much "negative energy" caused by the things around me. Hearing him say that made me realize that it's time to do something about my situation. True, when we're hit hard by bad times, it hurts so much that we are paralyzed into inaction, yet we can't stay that way forever and must make a choice to be consumed by grief or get back on our feet and start over. I guess this is the reason why I like listening to "Stop Your Sobbing" by the Pretenders.
This is one of my favorite Pretenders song and helps me get over bad day whenever I hear it. When something bad happens, we all need some space to express our grief and anger because it's too painful keep inside, especially when something so special or important to us has been desecrated or violated. Be that as it may, we can't remain curled up like a ball in our rooms forever. Sometimes we have to work through the pain to make bad things good again. It's okay to cry because even strong people do that, but eventually, we have to get up get it together which is what strong people do afterwards.
I've had my share of bad hits from time to time and some of those hits still have wounds that bleed from time to time. But through out the years, I've learned to get up when I could and get back to the game. I had a hard time getting into this world which is a reminder that I should be thankful that I'm alive and that means I won't let these bad times beat me. Like I've said in my past entries, "tough times don't last but tough people do" and that's what I intend to do. It's all water under the bridge so get a move because tomorrow will be better.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Sometimes when I look back at the bad cycles of my life, I often breathe a sigh of relief that those terrible times were over. Yet even though I was able to make through, there are times I'm still haunted by those sorrowful days that I thought would never end. I can understand survivors of concentration camps and prisons who made it out but are still trying cope with the experiences that they went through. Be that as it may, I'm always remember the old saying "Tough times don't last, tough people do" as well as Henry Bergson's "Shipwreck Theory" which taught me that the bad times will come to an end and things will be okay again. These are the lessons that I always remember when I listen to Nelson's "After The Rain".
I remember during those dark days when things weren't changing and erybody was on my case because of my inability to remedy my bitter situation. Every word that came out of everyone's mouth was like a stone that smashed into my body or a knife that cut me up. The worst part about it is that I had no choice but to swallow every word because the bottom line was that I failed to deliver. Even though they were just concerned and I understood that, it nevertheless hurt like hell, yet I kept on trying because I didn't want to give in to the pressure. Despite all the pain brought by those terrible cycles, I managed to live through it and yes enjoy some good times in my life.
Presently, I always remember this lesson because there will come a time when things go bad again. When that time comes, I hope I'll be smarter and a little tougher to deal with it. I also know that there are some stubborn habits that I have to break if I really want to change things for the better. I now know that there will always bad times and good times in life and that I have to be ready to deal with both. I should always remember when the rains stops, then the sun will shine and shine brightly it will.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Everytime I read the newspaper or watch the news on television, it seems that the world is sinking deeper into chaos. Whether it's terrorism, oil shortage, ailing economy, the environment,etc., it seems that things are going from bad to worse. Nobody is spared from these issues and everyday we feel pressure from these problems more and more. Everybody is reaction to these developments vary from trying to cope, to complaining through rallies or simply going into a state of denial. When I hear the Alarm's song "Absolute Reality", it reminds me of the present state that the world is in and how it affects each of us.
When you the song for the first time, it's like the band is screaming into your ear as if they want you to be aware about what's happening around you. It doesn't matter if you are young,old, rich, poor, smart, dumb, these are issues that will be in your face and affect how you survive in this harsh society. Apart from that, it also urges people that they must act on this problems because they are very real and will not only plaque us, but also future generations as well. To sum it all up into two words: DO SOMETHING!!!
When things are getting worse, you can't just stand by and do nothing. Unfortunately there are those who care more about their own interest who not only cause all this problems but also promote it. One thing's for sure is that we shouldn't wait until it affects us because by then it might be too late. Whether what you can do is big or small, the important thing is that you act up and do your part to stop this crap. If more people follow, then we might be able to turn the tide and with God's blessing, eradicate it and I see the day when that happens.
Monday, September 22, 2008
This morning I had to attend a seminar on promoting healthy lifestyles and effects of cigarette and cigarette smoke on an individual. Hearing about the ill effects of cigarettes and the need to take better care of your heart once again reminded me of how old I'm getting and how I'm starting to feel the physical slowdown that goes along with it. Although I'm no cigarette man, I go for a good cigar every now and then with a cool beer or some good whiskey. Although I'm not the cigar smoking-booze guzzling glutton that I use to be, there are times when I long to enjoy both, especially when I need to chill out after a very BAD day. With that in mind, I feel like listening to Dramarama's song "Last Cigarette".
Man when I was young, I smoked and drank like there was no tomorrow. When I lit and popped, I wouldn't stop till I'd hurled. As much as I try to be careful with my health, I still would like to smoke a good one, although there's no good place to do so. With all the tension, that I'm feeling right now, I'm begining to see why I lot of people smoke, drink or do both at once. Given a good place to do so, you get a chance to get yourself together and have some time to think when something needs to be solved and quick.
Nowadays, I have to have a very good reason to light up or gulp down. Good times or bad, there are times when a little vice can do more than medication can. The bad part is that prices are going up and having no place to enjoy or people to enjoy with can sure cut smoking and drinking from one's budget. Add to that the demands of family have cut rather than fuel the need for both. I hope that someday I can light and popped the way I use to: Smoking and drinking with good music and good people around me.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Ever had one of those days when badluck hits like a ten ton truck at the speed of sound? Or worse yet, a bad night when you leave the work place feeling like your heart's been ripped out of your chest and fed to a pack of pitbulls? It's one of the worst experiences that a person can go through. I sure had and it still haunts me to this day. I felt so messed up that I barely made it home and I was still so upset that I literally slept the whole day. When I hear Reo Speedwagon's "One Lonely Night", that memory literally floods my mind.
It happened during one of my "bad seasons" and you can that it was a prelude to the dark days where I went through the "Nebuchadnezzar Syndrome" again. All I can say is that at the time I had tried to what was asked of me and I fell short and sparks started to fly. I went home really late at an hour where it could be dangerous to walk the streets. I didn't care and along the way, I picked up a bottle of whiskey and a shot glass which I almost finished as I tried to block out that terrible moment. Little did I know that it was the first step to another bad time which I'm still trying to recover to this day.
You know I'm mature enough to know that life has both bad times and good times, but sometimes there's too much of the bad and too little of the good. This last bad phase was one of the worst that I ever went through. Right now I'm just glad that I weathered the storm which I thought would never end. At present, I'm trying to be very careful making decisions that will affect the course of my life. As I've said before, just because I've made it out of Hell, doesn't mean I want to go back there and I hope I never go through a night or even a day like that again.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
As there are only four months before the year ends, In the U.S., the Presidential Elections are just around the corner. With both sides locked in an intense battle to win the presidency, the race is now neck and neck. Both sides promise changes for the good of their country and each has criticized the other on just what type of change is need and how to carry it out. With the race heating up, I just hope that whoever gets elected fulfills the promises he made to his constituents, especially now that so many problems have been troubling America. Making good promises is one thing, but making them a reality is another and this reminds me of the song "Hey You" by Bachman Turner Overdrive (BTO).
I must thank "Chris The Bliss" for giving us this tape which was always played during our beer and leaf binges. But going back to the November elections, both candidates are now pulling out all the stops to get the American Public to vote for them. With the many problems that the U.S. has at present, they are looking for change because the last eight years have taken it's toll on them from 9/11, Afghanistan, Iraq, terrorism to oil prices and now the economic crisis. Although I know who I'm rooting for, there's part of me wondering if who really wins can truly deliver the promise he made during the campaign period. I just hope that they are sincere about their objectives and more importantly, that they can pull it off.
I remember what Sting said when he was confronted by Vinnie James in the movie "Lock, Stock And Two Smoking Barrels" about choosing his words carefully which was my favorite scene. I mention this because both candidates and their partners need be realistic rather give off fantastic solutions that don't cut it when it's time to put them to practice. I do hope the winner is just as careful about what he promised during the campaign because winning it is one thing but doing a good job by fulfilling promises is different matter. Once again, I thank Chris The Bliss for this very cool song. From day one, it's still one of my favorites.
Friday, September 19, 2008
One of the saddest memories that I had was when I received a phonecall from my brother's classmate telling me that her brother who was my highschool batchmate passed away and asked if I can visit his wake. This happened when I recently lost a job due to reorganization and as I spent days that turned into weeks that turned into months looking for another job and now this just came in. Man, just when I thought that things couldn't get any worse and I was really sadden by the news. I went with a friend to where his remains were at and I was shocked at how gaunt and frail his appearance was. Whenever I remember that night, I think about the song, "It's A Shame About Ray" by The Lemonheads.
I think a lot about him when I hear RT play this song on a Friday. I remember how his elder sibling told us what happened to him before he died. Hearing about it really made me sad especially about how he lost his job which led to his being depressed and reclusive. I can relate about what she told us regarding how he felt like he'd to ask permission for anything as if he didn't have the right to it even if his sibling cared for him and provided him with what he needed. His smoking and the depression did him in eventually. As I looked at him, I kept saying to myself that it could have been me in that coffin and that both scared and sadden me.
During the time when I lost my job for a second time, I felt that I not only lost my source of income but also my dignity as well, making me feel that I didn't have the right to demand anything. Seeing him go that way made me wonder if he kept in touch with friends, could this have been prevented. When she talks about how he kept to himself in his room, I remember those days when I had no one to turn to and the only difference is that I didn't to give up. I wish he didn't give up too and after that night, not a day goes by when I don't think about him even though we weren't that close. Here's hoping that he's in a better place with a lot of good people.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
With all the threats of terrorism and bombings, security and safety hang heavy on the minds of individuals around the world. When I see news about bombings by terrorists at some part of the country, it's a sad reminder of the threat everyone is facing from terrorism. I remember when I was growing up, we had to worry of about the threat of communism which was the main theme of the Cold War which pitted Communist counntries led by the Soviet Union against Democratic Countries led by the U.S. where the world was constantly in danger of going into WWIII with superpowers using nuclear weapons leading to the end of the world. One song that pleaded for a stop to this this conflict was the song "Russians" by Sting.
This was one of my favorite songs when I was in high school because it focosed on the Cold War threat between the two superpowers of the time and the destruction that could follow if the two went to war. I think Sting was trying to say that the Russians are still people like the Americans who love and care for their own and even though they make a big show of their armaments and military might, they still wouldn't dare to flirt with nuclear war because they too know what the consequences will be. I missed his live performance of this song at the Grammys and I'm glad that it was posted here at youtube.
Today we face threats of terrorism from Muslim extremists most notably Al Quieda who have already started a large string of bombing sprees around the world since 9/11. I hope that these people see that are other ways to present your views in the world aside from the use of terror and violence because even if they have a point, they only the innocent. When the Cold War ended with the collapse of Communism, I had hope that whenever conflict would arise, we would be able to reason things out, but alas, it was not to be. Be that as it may, I hope that there would be a peaceful solution to this present conflict. Both sides love their children and they should think about whenever they plan to attack the other.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
I have often mentioned about the dark periods where I have hit rock bottom more than once. Each time that the sad times hit me, I felt like everything broke down and I fell from grace. It hurt even more when you hear people berating you for making wrong decisions or for letting it all fall apart. In those times I felt like someone branded the scarlet letter on my forehead and the stigma was even more painful than the burn. The worst part about it is that no matter what you say to explain, it always comes out as your fault. Whenever I hear the Car's song "Drive" and see the video, those feelings always come back in large wave.
In those periods, I thought Iwas going crazy. I often called these periods "Nebuchadnezzar Syndrome" because it reminded me of the time when the great king went insane and ate grass like a cow. What I went through during those periods, I felt the same way and often hid from shame. Even though I was able to pass those times, each experience has left me emotionally scarred. In the video when Paulina Poritskova was crying, I often turned away because it was too much for me to see.
I hated those feelings of helpessness and despair because I felt totally incapacitated. The pain overrided everything inside me that I often found myself numb. I really don't want to go through this again and I don't want anyone in my family to suffer this kind of ordeal. It is the worst kind of experience anyone can go through. Even today, I try to be careful about the decisions I make because I donot want to fall in that state of disgrace again.
Monday, September 15, 2008
After a thoroughly wretched day, I finally make it back home and this is just Monday. It's a reminder that just when you thought things couldn't get any worse, they do. In some of my past entries, I talked about how my life always goes around a certain cycle and there comes a point where I find myself at a bad phase and I've got a bad feeling the phase is starting again. Right now, the thought of it is making me relive all those other bad phases which I definitely don't want to go through again. In was in one of those bad phases, where my entire year was ruined that this song called "Blue Kiss" by Jane Wiedlin became a hit.
The year at that time started out pretty good. I felt that everything was coming into place and that's what I wanted because this particular year was very important for me and if there was a time when I didn't want anything bad to happen, it was during that particular period of my life. Then low and behold, everything just started falling apart as everything that I wanted to come true crumbled to dust and I went from sky high to splat on the hard stone floor. Needless to say, what began as great year, ended in bitterness and near failure where the only consolation was that I was able to retrieve some of my dreams but the others were not so fortunate.
There were other times in my life when the bad phases took place, but that year's memory really hurt because there were alot of things that I wanted to accomplish and I was left with a cup full of sand. Another there are good times and bad times in life but lately there's too much of the bad and too little of the good and it's not just me. Well what's done is done and it's all water under the bridge cause no matter what I do, it's all in the past. I guess the fact that I'm still here and functional is something that I should be thankful for. In some way, it showed that I was able to live throught it and I hope that I can prevent this phase from happening again because I don't want another bad memory.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
In my past entries, I have blogged about the need to be alone and sometimes about having a dream about sailing in a boat just to find some peace of mind. With all the crazy developments hitting me left and right at the moment, I find myself once again wishing fo just that. It's like keeping up with fast assemblyline only to get overwhelmed by the speed and the workload. Feeling weary from all the demands of both work and home, right now I wish I can go on a sail boat and just cruise the seas just to grab some quality time and collect my thoughts . First I would do if I do get to be in a boat out on the sea is play the song "Cool Change" by The Little River Band and enjoy a "fat one".
The first thing that I feel when I hear this song is a sense of escape from all the pressures of everyday life followed by that of a sense of adventure now that I'm free for the moment to enjoy the trip. Knowing that there's nobody there to mess with you or having not to worry about what to finish before the end of the day for just a short period of time is something we all want when things get too much. With the big blue sea and the marine life to keep you company, I'd take that over prozac any old time of day. The difference is simply that it's a natural high apart from enjoying a "fat one".
Right now that is just wishful thinking as the weekends draws to a close and the daily grind is just around the corner. I just hope something better comes along one of these days that could help ease things a bit around here. Until then I better steel myself up for the demands of the week since a lot of changes has happened in work except for the fact that I do alot of the work. Maybe one day, I'll get the chance to do what I have just blogged here. It may not change things, but if I get the chance to do it, that would be cool.
Friday, September 12, 2008
It's funny that what goes on inside your head when you're dreaming while your asleep. Some dreams are so good that just when things starts to go good, you suddenly wake up and realize that it wasn't real. Other times the dreams can be so scary that you're lucky if you wake up screaming. One such bad experience that I had was when I was dreaming that the room went black and the darkness started to envelop me, causing me to break out in a cold sweat. Bad or good, one thing I do know is that whenever the dream is intense, it's almost real and I have no control over what's happening to me which reminds me of Rainbow's song "Street Of Dreams".
When I listen to the song, it reminds of some of the intense dreams that I had during my life which I still can't shake to this day. One good dream I had that Iwish I could go back to was regarding the blog entry of the Outfield's "My Paradise" (Please refer to that entry) and a bad example is that one I mentioned in my first paragragh of this entry. The thing I hate about both good and bad dreams are that the good ones leaves me with a need to know what will happen next while the bad ones are hard to shake off, making me wonder if something bad will happen. Though the video of this song is kinda cheesy, it reminds of my experiences in my dream where either the landscape changes or I find myself using odd implements and meeting strange people. Either way, I have no choice but to play along until I wake up.
Some say dreams have messages while others believe that they foretell the future. In the later, I have to admit that there were some dreams that I had in the past that have an errie similarity to situations that I've been in during the present. When I realize those similarities, I hope the bad dreams would manifest itself to the letter because those dreams have left me apprehensive on what the future holds. I just hope that if I work harder, get lucky or both, the future won't be like my bad dreams because lately a lot of my dreams have never materialized and since then have turned to dust. I guess having a dream is one thing, but making it a reality is another.
For anyone who gets bone tired, as the week draws to a close, Friday is the day that lightens everybody's mood because that's the day when the clock strikes five, it's time to bolt out to the office for some much needed R&R. Whether it's drinking out with the group or just quietly listening to some cool tunes at home, when it's Friday, the weight of the world eases off your shoulders and all the bad things that happened during the week fades away. For me, I loved Fridays because it's was 24K time when I would load my cellphone and text my request and just sit back and wait as I listen to my favorite songs on my ipod. Just getting to hear my favorite oldies on the best day of week way enough to lift my spirits which is why The Cure's "Friday I'm In Love" is one of my favorite '90s song.
I can say that the song clearly describes a person mood as the week progresses. As much as we want to start the day right, Mondays always gets us down knowing that it's the start of a week's worth of grind and same goes for Tuesday is just an extension of Monday. Wednesday is usually the time where we feel a little eased up because it's the midpoint of the week. Thursdays makes us anxious because there's only one day left. When it's Friday and it's five in the afternoon, we all zoom out and let the good times roll.
Just like everyone else, I always look forward to Friday, but with the demise of 99.5rt and 24K, I fell that there's something missing. I feel that a link to my past was severed when rt went off the air. Although I've managed to collect most of my favorite 24K songs in CDs, I still miss the program when Friday comes along. I guess it's the thrill of listening to rare songs getting played on the airwaves after waiting patiently for it can be compared to a hunter bagging a prized game. I hoped that one 24K would come live in the airwaves again so that I can listen to my favorite songs and share them with my buddies on a Friday night.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
With so little options left to ease my weary soul, blogging has become one of the few things that helps put me at ease during these tough and hectic times. Apart from that, it helps me keep track of the things that I hold dear as well as the vows that I either forget or have trouble keeping. I know I expose myself with every entry that I make, but so far, so good. Unlike a diary, atleast I can edit my entries if I find any errors. I that's why whever I hear the song "Everyday I Write The Book" by Elvis Costello these days, I would probably call it the blogger's song".
Though the song talks about a person's day-to-day experiences at love, the reason why I call this "the blogger song" is because of the simple reason that I blog everyday. It helps sharpens my writing skills and helps put my thoughts in perspective. It took me a while finally go into this field of writing because I want to really commit myself to it. Another reason is since I'm a very introverted individual who sometimes fumbles at speech, I thought it would be good for people to know me since most of the time, I have been misunderstood.
Since I have started, I never failed to put an entry in my blog everyday. Especially since there are a lot of things in my mind which weigh heavy on me day by day. I find this to be therapeutical because it takes the stress away from the bad developments of the day. I'm not saying I'm now a master writer because of blogging and I still have a lot to learn. Still, it has done me a lot of good which why everyday I write an entry on my blog.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Yesterday, I wrote about beig stuck with a lot of loud mouth people and no matter where I turn, I'm always caught right smack in the middle. To say that I'm getting stressed out from this situation is again an understatement. Just coming home today from the rain, I get reminded that I live in Loud Mouthville where something's bound to raise your stress levels. It's getting to the point where I wonder if I'll ever have some quiet time for myself. I guess this is what Huey Lewis And The News meant in their hit song "A Couple Of Days Off".
The revolves around the singers hectic schedule where he needs to do a lot of things with little time to get it done. Though he likes what he's doing and the pay is good, just like every other guy, he also feels the eventual fatigue from all that running around. Like everyone who gets tired from so much work, he needs some day off to recharge and enjoy a little, especially after working so hard. Lately, I know how he feels because I need a break myself. With the way things are, I wonder if I'll ever get a day without the stress which is already rare.
I'll reiterate that I don't mind helping the people here, though sometimes they can ask too much from you that it's starting to take it's toll. The worst part about it is that you have to to lose your temper for them to get the hint that you're spent. I remenber reading a survey in Phiippine Star about Filipinos getting overworked. Given the fact that times are hard, you need to have sidelines and you're lucky if you get a day off, that sure is true.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
I guessed I feel a little bit better from yesterday's depressing mood regarding my embarrasing behavior. Lately, I try not to do anything stupid, but sometimes too much stress and exhaustion has me snapping at people when they make me do something from out of the blue. Be that as it may, I try not to act to proud, let alone arrogant for fear that I might get divine punishment. I also don't want to be put in a situation where I find myself stuck between a rock and a hard place. Reflecting on that situation makes me remember the song "Stuck In The Middle With You" by Stealers Wheel.
The reason why I've been thinking about this song is that I often find myself in a dead end or worse oblivion. It's like choosing to be chained to a slave barge or jump to the shark-infested sea. Apart from that, I remember when I stumbled, I found myself eithering being berated for my mistakes or forced do things that I don't like and though I they mean well, sometimes these people remind me of the clowns and jokers mention in the song. One for sure, they are not funny. It's something I donot want to go through again.
As for betraying my beatles entry, yesterday was Mother Mary's birthday and my moym wanted to go and unfortunately she asked me to take her and I was very cranky that she decided to go with our neighbor instead. I felt very bad after that because I wrote praises for Mother Mary, yet I wouldn't take my mother to church to celebrate Mother Mary's birthday. I guess the physical and mental fatigue got to me. As I close this entry, I'm fortunate to find this video which featured the band performing this song. It was either that or the Reservoir Dog clips which I think are too violent.
Monday, September 8, 2008
As always, things around here can get a little crazy, especially when some people here want something, they just got to have it, even if it means wearing you out physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. This is what I've been feeling lately which is why I feel that I've betrayed the entry I made regarding the song "Let It Be" by the Beatles (the reasons I'll explain in my next entry). I don't mind looking after people around here since I'm the only left who can do it. The problem is that it's starting to put a strain on me and I've noticed that I've been getting very irritated from the stress caused by the constant hassle. The worst part about getting mad about it is when I blow up due to the pressure and once I cooled down and realize that I've hurt others' feelings, I then feel bad because I've lost control and I failed to keep up to my promise to take care of them. Trying to come through for people you care about is really tough as well as stressful and that's why the song "Anyway You Want It" by Journey was on my head since last night.
Whenever I hear this song, it's all about having it no matter what it takes to get it. The beat of this song alone gives you an idea of how intense they got to have it. Problem is that they never thought about the pains that it took just to get it. Usually the people who made it happen wind up on the floor exhausted, grip their chest and breathing heavily and the worst part about is that they're made to do more. It's either that or the whole place goes into armaggedon where nobody is spared. Explosion or implosion, either way, everybody winds up miserable if these people don't get what they want.
Man, I guess that's the reason why I try not to ask too much from people anymore. After what I've been going through with these guys when they suddenly get the itch when I'm so tired is something I won't do to others. Man just when you think you're done for the day, there they go again. Still, I care about these people and I want to take care of them, but all that I'm asking for is a little slack because it's starting to get to me already. I still want to help them with what they want to do and the reason for that is because I CARE about them and I don't want to dissappoint them anymore, though I hope God grants me some more strength and patience in this situation.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
My last entry was all about the nomition of Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin as Vice-President of the Republican Party for the 2008 Presidential Election. With the campaign on a full roll, it's going to be an intense and difficult for both candidates to plead their case to voters as to why they should be chosen to be their country's next leaders. As the election time draws near, their will be alot of mud-slinging and character bashing by supporters of both candidates which will be very ugly indeed. Though I what I know about Governor Palin is limited to what I read and watch on the news, I can see that she's a very tough, yet down-to-earth woman without Hillary Clinton's arrogant flare. Another song that could best describe her efforts on the campaign trail would be "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" by Pat Benatar.
Though the song talks about a tough girl who won't have her heart toyed by some seducer, you can also say that this is another good song for her because she's tough and she showed at the R.N.C. Yet, she still has that down-to-earth and hometown town girl character trait that appeals to a lot to the average American. Still, both she and McCain still have their work cut out for them, especially with issues like the economy and other issues that Democrats have the advantage in. Whatever, her plans are, I wish both her and Senator McCain well and that they win the election this November.
As I end this entry, I would like to make it clear that although I've taken their side, I wish their opponents good luck as well( with no malice). I hope both sides remember their vow not to drag personal issues such as family. I understand that both are determined to win, but please play fair. As for the supporters, although you've made your choice, please respect the ideals and beliefs of the other side. There's too much calling as it is already. And if anybody stumbles upon these two entries, please refrain from posting vulgar remarks because although we have the right to choice and support a candidate, that doesn't mean we throw away respect in the process.
With the all the courruption in local politics, especially during election time, I'm not at all excited as to who will win. In the U.S. Presidential Campaign, it's a different story and with this election history is about to be made. If the Democrats made history by selecting Barack Obama as their candidate, the Republicans made history by a woman run as their candidate for Vice President and that woman is Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin. In the Republican Convention, she gave a speech that showed that she was indeed a person with substance who in her debut in the public stage blasted away her opponents and inspired her party. People like that are a rare breed and I now understand why John McCain chose instead of the usual candidates. I guess this is the reason why I chose the song "Barracuda" by Heart for today's entry.
I've been a fan of Ann and Nancy Wilson since I was a boy and I always songs which I thank 24K for playing every friday. Their early songs were cool and this was one of the best that they came out with in the 70's. In became a signiture song for Palin when it was revealed that her nickname was "Sarah Barracuda" when she played basketball in high school. When I saw her speak on T.V., he knew she from different from the other candidates because she was more down to earth and at the same time she didn't kow-tow to the media who ARE BIASED in favor of the Democrats. To be fair, it's not the Democrats fault because Obama is young and is new face, but now so is Palin which helpds narrow the race even more.
Though Palin impressed me alot, she still has a lot to prove, especially now that the campaign's in full swing and unemployment has increased. But if she is able to display that same substance she projected during the Republican Convention, I know she will make a good Vice President. I think she would even make a fine President. I hope I don't get any hate comments because of this. Although I side with the Republicans, I nevertheless, respect the Democrats and I may the best party win this November. As for those who are outraged that this song was played in the Republican Convention, remember it's still a good song no matter who listens to it because it has stood the test of time.
Friday, September 5, 2008
If it's not one thing that's stressing me out, it's another, these days. I guess when you grow older, the more you worry about things around you. I just try to cope with whatever life throws at me, though sometimes it really gets difficult. When things get too unbearable, I to take a walk or if I have enough gas money, drive around for a few hours or simply find a way to chillout. I guess I need to ease up a bit at times like these and one song that helps me do just that is "Take It Easy" by the Eagles.
Though this song is more about a guy with a lot of women giving him problems, I'd rather think of this as a good chillout song. One of the best ways of listening to this song is when I'm driving by myself and this song is on at a reasonably loud speed. As I cruise on down the road while this song is playing, I get some relief from the stress that I get from the daily grind. Instead of looking for a lover who won't blow my cover, I hope to find some peace of mind which what I really need at the moment. When the day's over and I hear this song play, it's almost as good as a a "big fat one' or better yet enjoy a a "big fat one" and some booze while listening to it.
Apart from that, I just try to get by as each day ends. I know there's no way to avoid problems cause their a fact of life. Be that as it may, I hope I get a chance to enjoy some really quality which has been a while. Thank I'm still able to cope with the challenges that come my way. I guess it's a sign that the sound of my own wheels aren't driving me crazy.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
The hard part about reaching my age and not getting my life in order is that I'm really starting to feel like the world is closing down on me. My parent's are getting older, my brother's have been distant and if disaster strikes, I don't I'll be able to handle it. They say what doesn't kill only makes you strong; right now I hope that's true because though it hasn't killed me yet, it all ready has raised by blood pressure and shattered my nerves. On top of that, I get all this preachings on what you should and shouldn't have done. With all these things crowding my thoughts, it reminds me of Billy Joel's song "Pressure".
When I see the video and listen to the song, it literally has pressure written all over it. When I see the scene where he's sitting infront a big screen with all these subliminal messages and as he's watching it, he really gets enraged, I know how he feels. Sometimes you feel pressured even if there's no one hassling you when things get worse rather than improve at times when you need a change for the better. That part where he was walking down the streets and oblivious to the car splashing water at him is something I have felt and experienced before. These days I get that numb feeling not because I'm bored, but rather due to the stress that I get from pressure.
I know life's not fair, but sometimes I wish the Big Guy wouldn't make it more unfair than it already is because I'm doing my best to cope with all the things life's been throwing at me. It's bad enough when I hear the sermons from self-righteous know-it-alls who think they have the answers, but all they do is kick sand in your face when what you really need is some help. All they do is make a bad situation worse by giving the so-called two cents worth. I just hope that I be able to find a way to resolve all these things. More importantly, I hope I'll be able to find the strength to cope with them in the mean time because problems will keep coming and we have to keep on fighting inorder to show them that we can still handle it.
Billy Joel - Pressure
Vezi mai multe video din Muzica »
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Yesterday I wrote about dreading the repeat of bad cycle which I experienced at certain periods in my life. Call me crazy or superstitious but these bad periods usually happen during the fifth year of a five year period. When that time strikes, I usually feel that things are looking up, only to get cut down to size. Things then start getting bad to worse to worse and the plaques that hit Egypt, I get physically, mentally and emotionally scarred. Last one really hit me so hard that it rocked my faith in God and right now I feel that it's lurking somewhere in the corner waiting to strike again. If there's one thing that I want to change, it's this cycle which I really want to break which reminds me of that song of Crowded House called "Distant Sun".
If I was asked what I want to change, it's this damn cycle. I'm mature enough to know that there are good times and bad times, but this type of cycle has been a thorn in my side for a long time, especially when the bad times hit. When it hits, I really feel like I have been battered and bruised and coughing up water from my lungs. Everything I've built up comes crashing down and in the end, I search my head for answers on how I could've prevented this from happening. I felt this one to many times that right now I'm trying to figure out what to do to prevent a repeat of the past.
Just because you came back from Hell doesn't you want to go back there. Man if I let this cycle happen again, it means that I didn't learn my lesson which really hurts. You know I've bore the emotional scars of the bad times without complaint, but right now I don't want to go through this experience again. It's something that I wouldn't want my family to go through either. Life has thrown a lot of hard balls at me and I took the blows as best as I could, but I want to break this cycle once and for all and I hope this time around that I will find a way to do just that.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Some people might think I'm crazy for mentioning this, but lately I've been having this paranoid feeling that my life is going around in an cycle where everything is already fortold. I mean the time, the place and people may be different, but I feel that I'm acting out the same script over and over again. Right now, I'm at a precarious situation due to some disturbing developments that have left me very uneasy. I fear that I'm relive a very awful experience that I went through in the past which I don't want to happen. This paranoid feeling reminds me of the song "Here I Go Again" by Whitesnake.
The only difference between my cycle and what the singer is going through in the song is that it he talks about falling in love while I'm thinking about falling into a void which is something that I dread the most. Still, there are some similarities that the singer in the song and I have in common is that we both don't know where we are going but we sure know where we've been and I don't want to go back there. Another is that we both wind up alone, especially me since I tend to burn bridges which I'm trying not to do. Right now, there's too many changes that are happening to fast and I don't what to do since it took me by surprise.
They say those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it and that's pretty ironic for guy who briefly taught history. One thing I do know is that I don't want to go through that awful cycle again, especially now that I'm getting older. I'm just a guy who made many bad judgements and making do with what's left. The last thing I don't for me or any member of my family is to fall into that void that I endured for a long period of time. That's why to God not to let me or my family experience that kind of pain because the last time, I almost went crazy and if I go through it again, it'll break my heart.
Monday, September 1, 2008
One lesson that I need to learn is "Don't Burn Bridges" because I have a bad habit of doing just that. I was reminded of that lesson by a friend when she gave me advice on finding better opporutnities. Being a loner at heart, I always feel that when the time has come for something to end, let it end and in the process, the bridge gets burned. For me, once it's over, it's over and that's that. When that thought comes to mind, I feel like listening to Arcadia's song, "Goodbye Is Forever".
When I hear this song and see the video, I remember the feelings I had during the last few months of college when the number of my batchmates started to get ready for graduation. When I saw they were preparing to graduate for that term, I knew it time was to move on as well. The weird ride that the two singers went on can be compared to the wild and crazy times of your childhood to your adolescence and late teens. In the last part as they get off the crazy ride and walk into the sunset, it's like a chapter has ended and they move on to something new. I guess that's how I felt when I started making preparations to finish my subjects so I can take my turn to walk the stage and get my diploma so I can move on.
So what does all that have to do with not burning bridges? If I were a practical man, I guess I would call on my classmates for some help especially now that things are not so stable. Be that as it may, when it's over, it's over and I need resolve these issues on my own. I don't even know where most of them are right now, but I hope they're all doing well. All I know is that chapter in my life is closed, but if opportunity, luck or heaven would permit, maybe, just mabe I'll try rebuild a few bridges to the past.