Yesterday I wrote about dreading the repeat of bad cycle which I experienced at certain periods in my life. Call me crazy or superstitious but these bad periods usually happen during the fifth year of a five year period. When that time strikes, I usually feel that things are looking up, only to get cut down to size. Things then start getting bad to worse to worse and the plaques that hit Egypt, I get physically, mentally and emotionally scarred. Last one really hit me so hard that it rocked my faith in God and right now I feel that it's lurking somewhere in the corner waiting to strike again. If there's one thing that I want to change, it's this cycle which I really want to break which reminds me of that song of Crowded House called "Distant Sun".
If I was asked what I want to change, it's this damn cycle. I'm mature enough to know that there are good times and bad times, but this type of cycle has been a thorn in my side for a long time, especially when the bad times hit. When it hits, I really feel like I have been battered and bruised and coughing up water from my lungs. Everything I've built up comes crashing down and in the end, I search my head for answers on how I could've prevented this from happening. I felt this one to many times that right now I'm trying to figure out what to do to prevent a repeat of the past.
Just because you came back from Hell doesn't you want to go back there. Man if I let this cycle happen again, it means that I didn't learn my lesson which really hurts. You know I've bore the emotional scars of the bad times without complaint, but right now I don't want to go through this experience again. It's something that I wouldn't want my family to go through either. Life has thrown a lot of hard balls at me and I took the blows as best as I could, but I want to break this cycle once and for all and I hope this time around that I will find a way to do just that.
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