Saturday, August 30, 2008
This morning my temper's a little has cooled down a bit after that rude awakening the other day. I'll tell you try your best to keep it together just so things go smoothly around here and your blood pressure stays constant as you can hope that day begins and ends right. Sadly when one person goes into hysteria mode, it sets off a chain reaction like those zombie-rabid movies where one bite deserves another and pretty soon everyone's infected. At times like that raw emotion wins out over restraint as you start getting angry yourself because you can't take it anymore. When things cool down, you start feeling like a jackass because you acted that way and when that happens, I hear the song "Breakdown" by Tom Petty And The HeartBreakers playing in my head as a way to sooth my already shattered nerves and ruined mood.
Although the song is about about giving to a someone's request as he weakens the other's emotional wall, right now for me is about being able to have the right to blow off some steam like everyone else. In this house, when you feel angry and want to express it, everybody starts to restrain you a like putting out a cigarette by crushing it on an ashtray. However, when the slightest mistake happens, it's time for mass hysteria and the whole world goes upside down. All the suicide kings and drama queens come up on stage and do their revolting act as you are helpess to stop it. You're the guy who always has to keep it cool and reason things out and the worst part of it all is that it's not appreciated and you get by the heat in the process. When the tables turn, it's always one-sided.
I guess that's the reason why I don't express my anger often, though I think should give in to my emotions time to time because it' hard to just bottle it up. One thing I can tell you is that I wouldn't do what some of the idiots around here would and that's when you vent your anger at some innocent bystander. The only thing that it does is spread the hate around and pretty soon you'll have everybody at each other's throat. What is so infuriating is when the chaos escalates, the initiator runs and hides and even washes his or her hands off the whole mess. For those of us who get caught in the crossfire, gives us a chance to blow off some steam because when we are wronged, it really can piss us off.
One of the things that really ruins my day is when something or someone wakes me up early on a weekend because on weekdays I wake up at 5 a.m. or earlier so I want to some quality zs on a weekend. This weekend I suddently wake up at 6:40 a.m. to the rantings of a family member due to some petty thing which turned major as the people this person was ranting at got carless and broke something important. This led to more shouting which ruined not only my morning, but my entire day. Man, it's bad enough that I'm stressed out as it is and I have to listen and even witness this crap. What's worst is that I have to drive this person somewhere which really added insult to injury to another ruined weekend which prompted me to use the song "Congratulations" by The Traveling Wilburys for today's entry.
True this song talks about a person voicing out his sorrow after a break-up but one thing this song and my mood have in common is that the singer and me are both pissed at some even if the reasons are a bit different. One thing we have in common in this song is that we both care for the annoying people who caused us a lot of stress. The only difference is that the singer was abandoned and I have to deal with this person's mood swings and urges. The singer's world is empty with that person while my world is in chaos because of the annoying developments caused by this person. Atleast the singer can find someone new, I'm stuck with this one and right now I'm really annoyed because these ruined weekends are becoming more and more frequent at my expense.
Sometimes I think this person takes pervese pleasure in ruining my weekends. Still I care for this person who I really want to take good care of. I just wish this person would just cut me some slack cause lately I'm stressed out and I just don't want to show it. Sometimes this person doesn't realize when to stop and fear one day this person might go too far. In ending, if I were to give this person a medal, it be the ROYAL ORDER OF SOUR GRAPES FOR HAVING A RASIN FOR A BRAIN AS WELL AS SOURING OTHER PEOPLE'S MOODS!!!
Friday, August 29, 2008
Lately I've been feeling the weight of my age and the sad part about it is I have nothing to show for it. I'm hitting that point where you're at the crossroads of your life and you keep bouncing between first and second gear. The sad part about is when I see other people that I know and when I look at them, I begining to feel that I'm being left behind. With so many things to take care of as well as problems of the financial kind, the feeling of getting older really hits me hard in the chest.
When the hear the song "In Between Days" by the Cure, I'm often reminded of that sad fact.
This was one of my friend's favorite bands back when we were high school. I remember he even wore make-up and the same messy hair style. However this song reminds me of a sad time in my life when things were starting out great only to fall apart in the end. I don't want to go into details but let's just say a lot of things that I hoped to achieved went up in smoke and I spent the rest of the year trying to hold together or regain what was lost. I was lucky I was able to keep things secure academically and I proved that I didn't neglect my studies. However, I really felt sad because of so many hopes and dreams that fell apart. I felt like sacrifed all my dreams for that and when I remember it, it really stings.
That was one of the most painful periods in my life. It also made me a bit superstitious about comparing life to the seasons of the year where some are warm and fruitful while others are stormy and barren. Since then, I've been in deadly fear of the bad times because when bad times strike, it really is bad. Going back to the song, when bad thing happen it really brings you to your knees and it was during those terrible times that I felt that I would die. It was either that or the experience was so painful it would make me cry, hence the reason why when I hear this song, that old painful really gets to me.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Sometimes I feel that I've made so many mistakes in my life, I don't know if I have anything to say, let alone the right to say it. I'm at that point where I'm begining to envy the young because they have their whole life ahead of them whereas I'm trying to make do with what's left as opportunties become more and more scarce because I've failed to achieve my hopes and dreams in life. As I've mentioned in the past when you give up on a dream, even if you get over it, the fact that you didn't make come true will haunt you for the rest of your days. This is even more painful for those who were so passionate about their dreams only to have it shattered by cruel twist of fate. When I hear the song, "Stand In The Fire" by Mickey Thomas, I painfully remember the fact that if you really want your dreams to come to life, you have to be ready to fight and sacrifice to make it come true.
I remember this song during my third year in highschool which ironically was the time when things were on the rise only to have everything come tumbling down. The massage of this song is quite simple: Are you willing to gamble it all for your dream. Dreams and Ambitions are easy to conjure up but keeping focus and overcoming obstacles to making them real is quite a different matter. It's just about achieving your dreams that's at stake, but it's also a test of a person's determination and conviction. When I think of my failure to achieve my dreams, I feel so empty and feel that I'm lacking in courage and conviction because of I didn't achieve my ambitions in life.
Thinking about that when you're at the crossroads of your life really puts alot of emotional weight on you. I hear my co-worker's voice when she advised her students not to waste your lives because you're only young once and you should live your life wisely. Man, I wish I had a little more conviction and courage cause if I had, things would have been different. Well time is now passing me by and what's done is done. Despite all that, there's no use to cry over what didn't come true, so I have just have to make do with what I still have and hopefully find something meaningful while there's time because while there's still life, still hope.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Def Leppard was one of my favorite rock bands when I was growing up and back then, they were really heavy. When I was in college, I was wondering why they haven't done a follow-up to their hit album "Pyromania". The question was answered when I saw a new song by the band and what struck me was the fact that the drummer now had only one arm, yet still played the drums. Man, I was blown away that he still was playing with the band with just one arm. The song that caught my attention was their hit single "Animal" from the album hysteria.
For me, when emotion overrides everything else, I think about this song. Just like the song says, when it's an urge from the blood, you really gotta have it. Whether it's love, fighting or obssession for a thing or a even a person, when the you get the itch, you got to get the cure. This is especially true when you get in the heat of the moment. At that point, all reason leaves you and the only that you want is satisfaction in any way that you can get it.
I guess in the family, I'm the one who seldom gets into this mode of emotion. I guess it's because with everyone being quick-tempered during a bad situation, the one thing I don't want to do is to throw more fuel to the fire. Sometimes I get criticized for being too nice because of that. Despite being labeled as such, I sometime have my moments when something or someone ticks me off and I just go blind because the incident pissed me off which it proves I'm capable of that animal emotion where logic gets tossed out the window and all you want is to get it done or win in the conflict no matter what. Be that as it may I try to stick to reason especially now that I have a lot of things to sort out and the fact that majority of the people around me tend to yield to their animal instincts when things go wrong.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
I'll have to admit, lately I long for the days when I would go out with my friends and brothers to have a few drinks and enjoy good music together. With so many things to think about and deal with, all I'm left with is the memory of those good times. Hell, I have to admit, there are times when I wish could go to a classy joint, wearing a coat, tie and a fedora and listen to gorgeous lady singing the blues with a glass of whisky on the table and a good to boot. I guess it's only elegant way to spend the evening. And when this thought comes to mind, I request for the song "Only The Lonely" by the Motels.
Sadness and elegance are the words that best describe this song when I hear it on 24K. Everytime I listen to this song, I feel like I've stepped back to the 30's or 40's where such style of clothes were a the trend of the times. When I saw the video of the song, I guess was correct in terms of the setting as well as the mood. The way Martha Davis was dressed up in the song, I would have pictured the singer in my fantasy in the same style. I can't help but illustrate and interprete this song in this manner because of the classy aura that I feel when I hear it.
With the way things are, I'll be lucky if I can enjoy a beer in peace in my room since soaring prices have not given me the opportunity to enjoy such luxury. True, some good music along with a few brews and good people to enjoy them with will do just fine. Still, it's good to be exposed to others things as well. It makes you well-rounded and broadens your horizon. Who knows, one day, if God allows it, I might be able to have that chance.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Although I'm now in recovery mode from my deep blue funk, I still get a dose of bad luck from time to time. It's like finally getting the division withdrawal in order from a battle field only to get some pounding from enemy shells as the troops march out. Emotionally, mentally and yes, physically, I'm still trying to get myself in order and the sad part about that is the year is almost out. Very little has changed which is why I've had that prolonged feeling of frustration these past few months which were exacerbated by alot of unfortunate incidents which started my temper boiling. When things remain the same no matter how hard you try to change them, you really get the feeling that some people really got it lucky which is further accentuated when you them and think about your situation. Wishing about greener pastures make me want to listen to the song "Wouldn't It Be Good" by Nick Kershaw.
For me, the song talks about what happens when problems really start to take their toll on a person. It gets to a point that you wish you were on the other side of the fence where thngs are better than the situation that you are presently in. When I see the video of this song, I think it tackles the difficulties of being different, especially in the part where the people start crowding arounding and he tries to run. In the end, he runs away from it all and when sees a large satellite, he transports himself out that area. In way, I think that was the coolest part of the video.
With reality baring down on me everyday, I'm begining to appreciated this song and the video more. Right now, I want to change what's happening around and I hope to eventually achieve that one day. I know this won't be easy and time is running short, but I have to keep on trying because I don't want let things go on the way they are. It's natural to wise that things were different and that life was better, but wishing for something and making real are two different things. Still, though my faith is shaky, I hope that I achieve all my goals even if takes time and a lot of effort to achieve it.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Whenever someone would ask me why I'm still single, it's because I still have a lot of issues to resolve regarding my life. I lived by the philosophy that you should fix yourself up before hitching with another person. Be that as it may, I have to admit, I does my heart good when I see a couple living happily together, especially when the husband has the full support of his woman that there's nothing more that he would want in the world. I guess that affirms the wise old saying that behind every great man, there is a great woman or something like that. Stating that wise old lesson, it makes me want to request the song "Everything I Need" by Men At Work.
This is another song that makes me feel good, especially when it gets played late in the afternoon when the wind cool everything and the sun starts to set. For a lot of happily married couples, there's nothing like coming home at the end of the day to find your wife greeting you with open arms. Even when things didn't go well and there are a lot of things that need to resolve, when you see her smile as you enter the house, nothing else matters. No matter how strong men are, they'll be the first to admit that alot of credit goes to their women. If you don't believe me, read what King Leonidas said about Spartan Women in the book "Gates Of Fire".
Without that kind of emotional support, I doubt if any man can make it through the day, let alone the year. However, for something like this to happen, there has to be a lot of trust and commitment from both sides. I guess this is why though I prefer to be single, I have a high respect for the sacrament of marriage because both people draw strength from each other through the years. I really don't if I'll ever get married and the clock is ticking. If ever the day comes when I say "I do", I hope to get the same warm feeling that I get when I hear this song play on the radio.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Like I have written before, I always went against the trend when I was in high school. In music, most of the bands that I listened to at the time were those big-haired, black leathered, spandex metal groups. Screaming voices and loud guitars were the tunes that came out of my radio from morning to night. There were a lot of one-hit-wonders who came out of nowhere and then suddenly disappeared during the decade. One such band that I liked played a song that I thought was original at the time but turned out to be a cover song called "Piece Of My Heart" by Rough Cut which was originally done by Janis Joplin.
It was a male version of her hit song about give all for the one that a person loves, but feels unappreciated. That situation can really cut anyone's heart to pieces, we they really love that person. I really thought that this was an original song by this group. My brother later played the original version by Janis joplin when I was in College. I was really surprised when I learned about it. I liked both versions of the song, though I have to admit that I like Rough Cutt's version a little more because this is what I was listening to during high school.
It would be sacrilege for me not to mention the original version by Janis Joplin because she's definitely one of the great legends of rock and the song she wrote and performed came from the heart. I guess you can say that I'm a little biase because this came out when I was growing up and finding myself, but it is only fitting that I acknowledge her because she originally made the song that this band covered. What made long for this version is the fact that before there were downloads, finding album, let alone this song was almost impossible. I've got to thank YouTube and all the downloadable programs out there for providing the tools necessary to easily find this song which was one of the many tunes that I enjoyed in my youth.
Friday, August 22, 2008
I'll admit I'm not much of a dance music fan when I was young. Apart from not having enough audacity, My preference in music at the time was against the flow: Metal, 60's and 70's rock, blues and some folk. My batch and those of my brothers' on the other hand, soaked the dance trends of the times like sponge on water. When the dance music played, everybody just went craazy on the floor. What astounds me is that some of these dance tracks are still being played by todays generation on the dance floor and once such track is "Let's Groove" by Earth, Wind And Fire.
My most vivid memory of this song was at brother's third highschool party when the summer was already approaching and his class wanted to celebrate the end of the school year. As the preparations were finished and the guest had arrived (many of whom were intoxicated), the stage was set and when brother gave his friend the signal to set it off, he slid through the dance with amazing grace, grabbed a girl by hand and danced as song played. All of a sudden, the living room-turned-dance floor erupted as the rest of the guest rushed to the floor and everyone started to dance like crazy. While majority danced, others were drinking beer and whisky or enjoying a "fat one" and despite the fact that it was getting late, it didn't the stop guess from dancing their feet off. When I woke up at around 7am to go to school, I was surprised that there were still a lot of guest who were there though by that they were exhausted from all the revelry.
I have to admit that to this day, this song is strong among the young. To be played in dance parties through so many generations shows just how popular a dance tune this was. Apart from that, this is one of those songs that once it enters your head, it's hard to turn off. When it enter my mind, it takes me back to that night and that party with so many cool people. I guess that's the reason why I eventually accepted this song because I also had a good time at that party and today when I think of that time, this song starts playing in my head.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
To All Those Who Always Wind Up On The Short End Of The Stick: Fortunate Son By Credence Clear Water Revival
When I ask if after all the bad luck that I'm experiencing has ever dampen my faith, I would admit there were times when I lost faith but later found it again. The problem is that the bad times just won't stop. Sometimes you can take it, other times it can really knock you off your socks and that's what I'm experiencing lately. I don't know why things are always tough on me and no matter what I do, my luck doesn't change. It makes me feel like I'm not one of the lucky ones like the song "Fortunate Son" by Credence Clearwater Revival".
The song is criticizes the fact that during the Vietnam War only the poor served while the rich kids were able to evade the draft. Using their families'wealth and connections, they were able to avoid being sent to fight while those who couldn't or wouldn't avoid the war paid a terrible cost. Even during times of peace, a lot of people who seems to enjoy certain privileges while others work their asses off and get crap in return. Many times, there are people who give their all for the institutions who get discarded after a small mistake while others simply kiss butt and get rewards they don't deserve. It really proves that life isn't fair.
I guess I'm writing this because lately, I'm really feeling the grind from working hard only to get totally drained and have more problems rain down on me. Just now I receive some news that really cause blood to leave my face and it was all because I want to do something good for the house. In all honesty. I volunteered because I wanted to do something good and I wind up with hand getting bitten by something which is now working it's way to my entire arm. The reason why I did it is because I know nobody else would and right I'm starting to feel the unfairness of it all. I'm not asking for a reward for doing this; I only want to give something back, but despite this unfortunate development, I'll still push through because I believe in keeping my word.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Smokey Robinson is a singer who needs no introduction. From his early days in Motown to the present, the man's voice as well as his songs were absolutely amazing. I hate to admit it but the first time I truly appreciated him was when I heard the song "Tracks Of My Tears" when I saw the movie Platoon during the "session" scene which I will write about later. What I will write about is a song that became popular during the late 80's which aptly describes an experience that I will never forget. The song that best sums up that experience is "Just To See Her" which is what I hear in my head when I think about that precious moment.
Just like the song that talks about wanting to a beautiful whose image is implanted firmly in your brain, so too does this song take me back to that time when I met someone who made a deep impression on me on my way back home. It started when I was catching a bus back to my house and dark clouds were starting to form. I got a ride just in time and settled into my seat when a strikingly beautiful girl also stepped in. She went up and down the aisle looking for a good place to sit and lo and behold, she chose to sit next to me. As the rain started to fall, I commended to myself that I was lucky to have gotten in and all of a sudden she said the same thing and the conversation took off from there as we started talking from Ortigas to South Super Highway where I got off and she said goodbye.
To this day, that memory still warms my heart and I deeply regret not knowing her name before I left. Her perfume really caught my nose as she walked back and forth in the bus which really caught my attention. When we were talking, I never felt so comfortable and so happy in my life. Her smile and laughter made me oblivious to the rain and traffic. I would given anything to prolong the trip just to chat with her some more. I still think about her from time to time and like Smokey's song, I hope I get the chance to see her again.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Today I'm going to try writing about something I'm not very good at: opening up at relationships. I can tell you first hand, I'm as romantic as Woodrow Call and the last thing I want be right now is to be vulnarable, let surrender myself to some else. One thing I do know that is important in a relationship is that both of you know each other as well as yourselves because you have accept each others virtues and faults if you want it to last long. Unless you're both honest with each other, things are going to get rocky and eventually collapse between the two of you. It takes a lot of courage to be honest with each other because when you do so, it already states your commitment to your partner and with that in mind, I remember Simply Red's version of "If You Don't Know Me By Now".
Originally performed by Harold Melvin And The Blue Notes, I chose to post this version because it was popular during my time. In a nutshell, it's all about yourself and your significant other. It's not enough that you fall head over heels over someone and even if you don't you have to find why you felt that way in the process. Sure you don't think about it at first, but if you want to make it last, you have to know a great deal about each other which will really determine if you are truly serious. I remember what the Grandmother of Salma Hayek's character in the movie Fools Rush In said about the only way that you will ever know true love is if you surrender yourself fully and I believe the only way to that is to really know each other well. If you ask me, it's only through knowing that there can be accepting.
Whenever I'm ask why I'm not in a relationship, especially now that the clock is ticking fast, it's because I still have a lot issues to sort out things to fix. It wouldn't be fair to get into a relationship when you have so many questions that need answers. Right now I'm still picking up the pieces of the mess I made because I want to set things right and no one can do that but me. Maybe later on when things settle down. Hey, when you're alive, anything is possible.
Monday, August 18, 2008
With times getting harder, it's not surprising if a lot of us are wishing for something better or even wanting to leave the country for greener pastures. Nowadays, you'd be seeing people sitting by the porch or leaning by their doorstep with a faraway look in their eyes. Staying on a deteriorating area can sap your energy as well as your wallet as you feel your energy being sucked away. During hard times like this, we all want to find something better in life. Feeling the grind reminded of the song "Heaven Must Be There" by Eurogliders which is probably what everyone is wishing for right now.
The song describes a small town in Australia where opportunities are few, making the people wish for something better. It voices out the frustrations that the people living in the area feel about the state they are in. Many dream of something better and if takes going to another land, they are willing to do it. This is relevant now just as it was 20 years ago when I first heard it. I guess we all want something better because there comes a point where we realize that there is more to life than this.
Right now, I find myself feeling way after what I've been through and what I'm still going through. With the way things are, I guess better start doing some heavy about what to do about my situation. Time is gold and I better do something quick or forever whine about my plight which I don't want to do. I'm not asking for much; just for something better than what I got is all that I want. I hope I find it soon because like the song, there has to be something better out there and all of us have a right to that.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Lately, I've been noticing that my beard is starting to show some strands of white hair. When I saw that, I also notice that there were white threads of gray in some parts of my hair. I guess the join the old group, but then again, that was already evident when I turned 40 last year and with the way things are, I really need to shape up. I hate to admit it, but I'm starting to envy the youth because they full freedom and energy that despite the limitations adults set on them, you get the feeling that they can do anything. When a I hear the song, "Only The Young" by Journey, that idea hits home with a lot of power.
I first heard this song on the movie Vision Quest which was about a love affair between a mature woman and an ambitious highschool wrestler who was intent on achieving his goal for that year. When I watch the lead character in that movie, it reminds me of the time when we had a lot of goals and we were so full of energy that we were determined to achieve it, no matter what the odds. Even if their elders put them down, it only makes them more determined to make it and if they continue to have that mindset, then the future will always be bright for them. I guess when see the energy of the youth, it makes us wish we were young again.
I guess I made a lot of mistakes in the past that ran contrary to youthful energy such hesitation and lack of drive and right now I'm feeling the consequences of these mistakes. I know I can't go back anymore and that best thing I can do is move on. Making all those mistakes and the fact that I still haven't put a lot of things in order doesn't qualify me to lecture the youth on what they should do. I just hope they don't make the same mistakes that I did because it leaves you with a lot of regret especially when you look back at your In the end, I have to agree with the Louden Swain when he said people live every moment like there's no tomorrow because the fact is there isn't and that's very true.
You know this monotonous details is really starting to wear me out. Everyday, I get a reminder of what the term "Dead End'" is all about physicall, mentally and emotionally. Don't get me wrong; it's not that I welched out of my last two entries on faith. I'm just saying that I kinda long for the good times when the everyone was here and the drinks were flouring and the "fat ones" were being passed around as it further heigthened everyone's spirits and everyone didn't the night to end. Most important of all was the times when you were at your best and you felt that nothing can stop you. When remembering those time when you were at your best, I guess it's time to listen to Bruce Springsteen's song "Glory Days".
To put it simply, the song is all about remembering the best times of your life. When you look at the song's video, it was aptly set in a bar which is probably the best place to discuss such a topic. Usually when you're young, you talk about what you want to do or your ambitions, but when your old or getting older you talk about the great times and the crazy times you spent with cool people as well as the accomplishments you made that gave your life some meaning. Whether things went as planned or not, there were still some great moments in everyone's life worth remembering. And when friends gather, it's the first thing they talk about and only thing through out the night as laughter and beer mugs clinking fill air.
Well I can't say that my life is turning out as planned at the moment, but those "glory days" always gives me something to smile about. My only problem at the moment is that there hasn't been any such gathering in a long time. I sometimes fear that it may lead to the fading of those days. Hopefully, one day we will all gather together to talk and laugh about those days with the goods friends who made them happen. When that day comes, I'm sure that those good times will come alive again and most importantly, so will the emotion that we felt and shared during those great times.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Last entry, I talked alot about keeping in touch with the Almighty and his mother in times of difficulty. One good thing about keeping a blog is that it serves to remind me about that lesson. I have to admit there were times when things were really bad that when out of the blue, a most unlikely individual would come to our rescue. The surprising part of it all is that those who help us out of a jam are the ones we least likely to expect. I guess is the Good Lord's way of watching over us through these individuals and with that in mind, I feel like listening to the song "Yah Mo Be There" by Mciheal MacDonald and James Ingram.
This song reminds us that no matter what happens, the Big Guy will be there. It talks about times when people are in despair, yet sends a message of hope during troubled times. The video shows different situations of people with problems that are getting too much for them to handle, ending with the two singers using a raft to fish them out of the water. I guess it means that when even in the last minute, there will be someone out there to get you out. If this song doesn't give you a sense of hope, I don't know what will.
I guess another thing that this song teaches us not to loose faith during our time of trials. I have to admit there were times when I faltered and that's no understatement. I guess I needed some time to cool off and clear head because sometimes I too tend to loose it when hard times really hit me. I guess a good thing about keeping a blog is to remind myself about these lessons. It keeps it fresh in our minds and most importantly, in our hearts.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Even though the dark period is at a close I still find no peace because I feel that I'm just going to repeat the same cycle all over again. The mere thought of that really tears me apart and fills me with dread. There was a time when my faith was shattered due to the fact that nothing good was happening and trials just kept on coming. When I came to terms with my faith again, I felt the dark clouds cleared and after that and I made a point to pray every night before I retire. Whenever I feel that the troubles just keep mounting, I always remember the song "Let It Be" by The Beatles to remind me to keep the faith during troubled times.
If there was ever a song that can also be a prayer, this would probably be it. It's like praying to the Blessed Virgin during our time of need. Even when things get worse, She is still by our side. No matter what happens this song tells us to stay strong and be brave in times of hardship. It's cool rock and faith rolled into one. Whatever happens, She will never abandon us and this song really reminds us of that.
I have to admit at the time that I lost my faith, it didn't do me any good. Later on, I started to talk to the Good Lord again and things improved. Although things are a bit better, I want to improve my life not just for myself, but for the people around me. A lot of times I pray not go through that horrid experience again but whatever the answer, I hope She'll be with me. Lord God Almighty and Mother Mary, have patience with this bumbling fool that one day he may finally find his place in this world and like a seed, may he finally take root.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Once I again I'm going to hear it from my brothers when they see this post, but right now I guess I'm feeling sentimental and this song fits the mood. Writing that entry about the good old days only made me long for them even more. With the way things are turning turning out, who wouldn't feel this way. If it's not one thing that's going to depress you, it's another. It makes you want to go back to simpler times when things weren't so complicated, let alone depressing. That's what I feel when I hear the song "Round And Round" by Spandau Ballet.
Whenever I hear this song, for some reason, it takes me back to my younger days and it puts me at ease. The video of the song further heightens my nostalgia since it was set at an elementary school showing the students at their most innocent and when I look at them, I have to say that I'm envious. The play scene reminds me of all the skits I use to be apart of and I remember how I was often drafted to those activities. It was the time where your imagination was at it's height and you felt that you can do and be everything you want. Those were the good old days!
I have to admit when I hear this song, images of the past often come alive around me. When they do, I wonder about the people and places that made an impression on me during my childhood. I wonder if they are doing well or trying to get by during these hard times. This question grows more intense during the evenings on the weekends because it's during those times when the urge to look back is very strong.
Maybe one day, those days will come back and when it does, I'll bask in the sun with all those people who made the past a very cool place.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
When adults tell the young, they have it easy, they better believe it. I took that advice for granted and today, I come home tired and full of apprehensions as to what to do about the situation I'm currently in. Man, things were so different back then when you cared about was if there was anything happening on the weekend. Whether it's having a few drinks with a tight circle or a big party where everyone will be there and have the time of their lives. Even hanging around with your buddies was good way to pass the time and when your young, time seemed endless. With this sentimental thought, I remember one of Rod Stewart's song "Young Turks" which was one of my favorites during the early 80's.
This song describes the somewhat free spirited and restless character that teenagers have during the height of their generation when they want to do everything and be tied down by nothing. Some do what they want and to heck with the rest. Others get into awkard or unfortunate situations such as teen pregnancy. Most just want to get as much of life as they possibly can. When you're young and full of energy, you just want it all and won't be restrained by anything or anyone. It's the same with any generation past or present.
I kinda like this song because it reminds me of how simple and easy life was. Compared to the present, everything was so simple and there wasn't a care in the world. Today, there are too many thoughts racing through my head which gives me no peace whether it's day or night. When I remember those times, I always wish that I could back and enjoy them again. When your time comes, make the most of it by being all that you can be and do all what you can do. Do it while you can because when it's over, it really is over.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Though the frugality period is almost at an end, it still hasn't put my mind, let alone my soul at ease. Once again, I find myself looking at the mirror and worst part is I don't like what I see. Whenever I get like this, it reminds me of filling the dread question on a job application where they ask how do see yourself so and so years from now. It's not easy to admit that your shift goes only from neutral to second gear. When everybody's life is in order while I'm still bouncing up and down from wall to wall with no sense of security is really starting to creep me out, especially since I'm not young anymore. No song drives this thought to my head straight to home than "Middle Of The Road" by The Pretenders.
Whenever you're down with this thought, listening to this song in a bar after a few smokes(including fat ones)and a lot of drinks can really get you rowdy. For me, this song is like finding yourself at the crossroads and trying to decide what to do next. It also describes how hard it is to find your place especially when you don't have much options due to difficult times. Yet time waits for no one and no matter what you decide, you still got to move yourself. Another reminder that life isn't easy.
Whether the term is crossroads or middle of the road, the meaning is still the same. I find myself moving forward only to move back again. With the passing of time, it's getting harder and harder to resolve that. Still, I'll keep trying and hopefully break this monotony. Not's not just about riches or fame, but simply finding myself is what matters most and I hope one day that I be able to do that.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
When you're young, it's easy to mention what you want to be when you grow up as well as visualize the kind of life you want to live. As you graduate from high school, you should be able to make up your mind or have have a plan B as to what you want to do and what you want to be. Unfortunately for me, though I had a plan, I didn't get much support and later on I gave up on it which is why I find myself in this very dreary situation. One hard lesson that I have learned in life is that if you really want to be something, you have to fight and work hard to make it come true. Right now, I'm trying to make do with what's left to my disposal, but I still believe something will turn up and when I listen to "St. Elmo's Fire aka Man In Motion" by John Parr, it helps remind me that there are other alternatives when you're still alive.
This is one song that every teenager who will graduate from highschool or college would do well as to listen as they march up the stage and get their diploma. It's message is all about what are you are going to do when you grow up and to keep on fighting for your dreams no matter how hard times get. The first thing that you realize when you enter the real world is that nothing gets handed to you like your school allowance. If you want something to happen, you better be ready to do all that it takes to make it happen because one painful thing that you will learn is that spoon-feeding is over and there will be plenty of obstacles to your goal. Some make it while others don't and the rest keep on trying. For those who got knock down and for those who are still struggling, keep on working and don't loose hope.
Right now I feel that I'm at another tight situation where I'm being tempted to make impulsive decisions regarding my life. I have no one but myself to blame to blame and I'm just trying to make do with what' left, especially now that I'm in the crap and they're taking that away too. I can't go back and do things differently and allI can do is to soldier on. Hopefully, I still have some drive and some smarts to make things right. I just hope that if there really is a St. Elmo, the Good Lord would light his fire and show us the right way.
Man, I'm glad this week is over and some of the issues have been resolved that left me and others in a cliffhanger situaiton. Nevertheless, what I went through left a bad taste in my mouth and and a thorn in my side which means I better be ready for anything. It's bad enough I've been rushing hear and there to get things done and just when I thought there's some breathing space, here it comes again. To say that I'm stressed out is an understatement and on top of that, I have to deal with a very bad development in a thankless and dead end situation that take's alot out of me physically, mentally and emotionally. Anxiety and stress with no rest plus a pounding chest is how I see myself at present like the song "Analog Kid" by Rush.
When I was I would listen to this song with my brothers as we enjoyed brews and "fat ones" and let our imagination fly. The powerful guiter riffs, drum beat and the lead singer's voice really takes your mind to another dimension. Nowadays, this song best describe the stress that I'm feeling for the past eight years. What really gets me with this song are the lyrics about too many hands, feelings and things on my mind which is very true at the moment as well as leaving something behind and what one hopes to find. It reminds of that choice between a good but faint possibility or dreary sure thing.
Though I'm relieved that some of the pressure is off, I'm on my guard just in case it goes up again cause right now I can't tell what will happen. Whatever happens, I better make preparations to ensure things don't fall apart again. If it does, it'll break my heart. Just because I survive a bad experience that doesn't mean I want to go through it again. I'll just play it by ear and ride the waves when they rise and when things calm down, I hope to listen to this song the way me and my brothers use to do with beer and "fat ones".
Friday, August 8, 2008
When we're in trouble, there are times when we really can't do things alone and when that happens we can say that we are fortunate whenever someone comes along and solves our dilenma. However, we should never just take the money and run, meaning when people come to our aid, we should be ready to do the same thing for them when they are in need. Sadly, many of us tend to disappear once we get what we need or want and when it's our turn to help, we are reluctant or flatly say no which is a cruel thing to do, especially if these people went out on a limb to help us. I hate to admit but there were times when I was guilty of this shortcoming and the bad times that followed could be a form of karma for my failure to help. Due to that, I've become a firm believer in the Confuscian Rule and the song "Catch Me Now I'm Falling" by the Kinks makes me remember not to do that.
I have to thank our friend Chris "This Bliss" for this because my brothers taped the studio version of this song in his house along with a lot of other cool tunes. For me this reminds me that we should never take good people for granted. I may be too literal but for mem, this song is about Golden Rule "Do not do unto others what others would not do unto you" because the lyrics tallk of a man who has helped others and now needs help but isn't getting any. It's a bitch when that happens because people have helped others through tough times should be taken care of. They are proof that good exists in the world to screw after all that they have done is a terrible thing to do.
Like I said in the first paragraph, I too was guilty of this failure and not a day goes by when I don't think of that person because people like these are becoming a dying breed which is bad news for society. Since then, I've become very careful how I treat people because you can lose material possessions which are replacable, but people like these are not and to know them is a true gift from heaven. So if someone really helps you, help them in the same way, if not ten times more. If you can't do that, remember what Bruce Willis said in the movie Last Man Standing: Do do no favors, don't ask for any.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
From my early childhood to the present, I always considered myself a simple man who like living an ordinary life. Be that as it may, as times change, you learn things and pick up habits that you get from your siblings or your peers. Nevertheless, there some some principles and codes that become so much apart of you that no matter what the trend is, these are the things that you'll always believe in and nothing or nobody will convince you otherwise. For me, we all have certain ideals that we live by and when challenged on our beliefs, we stand our ground no matter how much people try to change our minds. One such song that reminds of being true to what I believe in is Bob Seger's song "Like A Rock".
Everytime I feel like looking back and reflecting on the decisions and the things that I've experienced, I often hear thing song playing inside my mind. The video really suits this song which features Bod Seger leaning by his car as he waits for the train to pass and as he waits, I'm not surprised that he has a lot in his mind. It's increadible how a lot of thoughts can go through your head when you pause for a moment and the video captures this very well. Through it all, he stood firm on his beliefs no matter what the results of his actions produced. Memories and principles are powerful mix even during a short pause.
When it comes to short pauses, I often do alot of reflection on my beliefs and my experiences in the past as well as the present. Right or wrong, I'm believed in those things then, I still believe in them now. Even though I tried to a few trends and fads, I never was one who change spots easily, which why when I was young, I was always against what was in style. This song wants me to break out a bottle of Southern Comfort and light a cigar as well as a "green one" whenever I hear it and like liquor because of how it affects me emotionally. It's damn good song then and it's still a damn good song now especially when it comes to reaffirming your principles which haven't changed through the years
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
An Appeal To End War, Poverty And Starvation: Harvest For The World By The Christians/Isley Brothers
Man,things sure are bad right now and I hope it doesn't get any worse. Despite the fact that I feel kinda down about how things are, when I read the newspaper or watch television, I get reminded that there are others out there who are in worst conditions than me. Hunger, poverty,war, you name it, somebody's suffering from it.
While the rich and powerful live in up, it seems the rest of us have to go without and bear the hardships that plaque the world. Right now I find myself asking if this will ever end and wait in futilitiy for an answer. The hard times that we are all experiencing right now remind me of the song "Harvest For The World" by The Isley Brothers and was later played by the band The Christians.
Originally made by the Isley Brothers and later in the 80's by The Christians, this song often reminds us of the various problems affecting people, especially the poor who ironically are the ones who have to give more while the rich grow fat at their expense and right now it's getting worse. It also speaks of the pain of war and the damage it inflicts on those who fight it. The tragedy of it is that those who gave their lives up in battle are the ones who are forgotten when the conflict ends. Nevertheless it also offers a message of hope that one day these problems will be solved on a long term. Both bands were really good in performing this song that I decided to post both videos on this entry.
Sometimes I get too caught up in my predicament that I forget there are worst problems out there than mine. I do hope things get better as I try outlast this personal storm. I guess I'm being too wrapped in myself and need to reflect more on what to do. I just pray that things don't get worse. I know that life's not fair, just don't make it anymore unfair than it already is.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
I hope get through this two weeks without a hitch. Right now, all I could say is that it's been a rough month and two weeks of belt tighting and finger-biting waiting but atleast the end is near. Hopefully nothing bad financially happens again because that throws everything down the drain and we can't afford it. When I think about money problems, I often wonder how do some people do it: make money effortlessly. Whenever this thought comes to mind, it reminds me of the song "Money For Nothing",
It was one of the songs that characterized the 80's fast times fueled by big money. It's video also featured computer generated-animation which was a first in music video. If I remember right, the song talks about Liberace when they mention the "f" world wearing the earing and the mink coat. When I think about the workers wishing they were rock stars, I guess it's because of the tough times that they have to financially contend with. It was a time when a good idea really got you rich and when you at the present economic situation, you really long for the old days.
When I look at the predicament I'm in now, a good idea can be very useful indeed. I just hope that I able to make improvements in my finances, though I really don't want to be to rich. All I want is to have a little bit more for the needs of my parents and myself which are very simple. I hope that I achieve that before the year ends. Although sometimes I really wonder how successful people do it because they really reap the fruits of their labor. I hope I get to do the same.
Monday, August 4, 2008
It's now August and the rainy season is in full swing. Don't be fooled by the dry morning because the clouds start growing darker and the smell of water grows stronger. Before you can duck for cover, large drops of water start to pelt you like English arrows from Braveheart. Right now when the rain comes down fast and hard, you really to get your wits together and find a way to stay dry or wait out the downpour. It's the same thing with life and since I've been reflecting on the rain, ironically, I remembered a song from the 80's that I liked called "When The Rain Comes Down" by Andy Taylor which remains me of this wet period and a difficult situation that I have to deal with.
I would've wanted to write about this song as one of my favorite party songs during my highschool days but sober events have dampen the theme which I'll be writing about right now. On the up note, this song reminds me of the care-free days that I had as a teenager where we partied on weekends and had not a care in the world. On the downside, just like the rain, right now I'm in a middle of a storm which I have to ride out for a certain period of time. To make matters worse, a recent development has made a bad situation worse and now I have to do something about it.
This is isn't the way I wanted to write about thing song because despite, elements of confusion in the lyrics, it's really an upbeat tune. It just pisses me of that this had to happen at a time when things are difficult enough. As angry as this situation has made me, I'll need to regroup and think of a way to solve this predicament. Hopefully, something good will turn up and things will get better. In time, I have to keep my head above water and toughen things out and I hope I make it through the rain.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Whether you're arguing with your partner/spouse, your parents, your kin or even your boss, when tempers flare, you can expect that people leaving the scene in anger. It's a piss-off when things can't be solved reasonably and both parties wind up not talking to each other. Sometimes, it can years before those involved would start talking to each other again. I guess this is what happens when we're so caught up with ourselves and only see our side of the situation. A song that best describes this kind of situation is "So Long" by Fire Fall.
When you listen to the song the first thing that comes to mind is a heated argument. Both sides air out their reasons but neither reach a point of understanding. Instead the conversation grews intense and they start hurling accusations and insults at each other. Finally reason is no longer present as both sides leave the scene angry and hurt. Only time will tell if they if they resolve the issue or even talk to each other again.
For me, this song isn't just about arguments, but also about being unable to solve a frustrating puzzle that's becoming a thorn in my side. At times like this, I feel like like throwing my arms up in frustration and feeling very angry at the futility of it all. Especially, after dealing with a really bad development that happened recently which I won't mention lest it becomes an issue again. Everytime things like this happens, I feel like a chump and I don't like it. Although I'm not good at expressing my anger, situations like this make me angry nevertheless.
Yesterday, I was able to breathe easy as the paper came down and our group was still intact, although it still hasn't calmed my nerves, let alone allayed my fears. It's bad enough things are getting tough and this had to happen. As much as I shouldn't and mustn't complain, this nevertheless stinks. Why is it bad things keep happening when you already have enough problems to deal with, I never understand. I guess this is What Huey Lewis And The News were talking about in their song "Sometimes Bad Is Bad".
Whenever I hear this song, I feel like waking up early in the morning to what is pre-ordained to be a very bad day. The song is very different from their usual happy-go-lucky tunes because it has a very blues-like feel to it. They talk about bad times and how being cool or I guess keeping your head clear is one way to deal with the situation. Despite the good advice, bad things still happen. I guess in the end, it's a matter of trying to keep it together and figure a way out of a horrid situation.
Right now one part of my predicament has been solved, but as I have written in the first paragragh, I still feel uneasy. I guess one reason is because we're under the microscope and the reason why is still a mystery. A part of me is also angry because this isn't right and I feel like somebody's arrogantly playing the Big G with us. Hopefully, there would be some light at the end of this dark tunnel and things get resolved without a hitch. Until then, I'm going to have to toughen things out cause right bad is bad and that's no understatement.
Friday, August 1, 2008
You know it sucks when you're back's up against the wall and you feel the sharp blade of the knife starting to cut at the skin of your throat. When you're at the end of your rope, you get that desperate urge that a miracle would happen and you get rescued from your plight. However it hurts when you think that you're in the clear only to come up short or worst is when someone gives you a glimmer of hope, only to fail you and leave to your doom. All that you can think of is the empty promises that brought you momentary joy, but in the end was nothing more than false hope. I've experienced this many times and the song "Tea In The Sahara" by the Police often reminds me of these sad experiences.
Forgive if I interpret this song literally because whenever I hear this song, I remember those feelings of being forsaken and lied to at certain times in my life. The story of sisters condemned asking for one request only to be denied that request really saddens me. Given assurances that never came true is one of the cruelest things that one person can do to another. I remember experiencing one such promises a few years ago and when I found out it was a lie, all the air went out of my body and I was numb to everything and everyone around me. That was one of the worst periods of my life.
They say don't listen or watch or read anything that makes you feel bad, but in this song, I can't help it. It's a very haunting song and I'm a sucker for such types of music. This song also reminds of a very annoying situation that has transpired lately and like the sisters in the song, I wound up with a cup full of sand. I hope a find a solution to this predicament soon because I hate going through this experience because I feel that somebody's playing a sick joke on me and it's not funny at all. I'll say it once, I'll say it again: Just because life's not fair, doesn't mean it shouldn't be anymore unfair than it already is.