Monday, November 30, 2009

To Be Accepted And To Find Peace Of Mind: Take Me As I Am By Tonic

For those who read some of my entries in this blog already know that my life has had a lot of ups and downs (more down than up). When the downs hit, it hits hard and a lot of times it leaves me hurting. It seems that just when things are about to get better, they suddenly get worse. Be that as it may, I still want to get things in order as I struggle everyday to make do with what's left. The song "Take Me As I Am" by the band Tonic describes my current situation in a nutshell.

For obvious reasons, I liked this song the first time I heard it. Wrong decisions and bad results can really leave a guy emotionally scarred. Add to that the criticisms and insults that come from others who laughed at everything you say about what you think and want can sure destroy your confidence (asked any of them if they knew about it, let alone the consequence of what they said is futile because they'll probably won't remember what they did). Despite this, I am not placing the blame on others and in the end, all those mistake came from my error in judgment which is up to me to correct. Right now all I wanna change the way things are while there's still time because I'm tired of getting disappointed.

Like anyone else, I want a shot at redemption too. I'm still thankful that I am still here and that means there's still a chance to set things right. As much as it hurts, it's all in the past and I don't want to live in the past let alone repeat. I want to change things and be respected for what I am and what I believe in. To gain that will take a lot of work but I hope one day it'll be all worth it and when day comes, the hurting will finally stop and I will find some peace.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Put A Little More Effort In It: Laying It On The Line By Jefferson Starship

Right now I feel that I am being boxed in. With one bad development after another, I'm starting to hate this feeling of helplessness. One of the reasons why things are the way they are is because I guess I haven't given it all that I've got. Now faced with bad prospects and a bleak outlook, I guess I better try harder. Just like that song of Jefferson Starship "Laying It On The Line", I better take the bull by the horn.

This is one of those songs from the band that I liked before they pulled that "We Built This City On Rock And Roll" crap. Anyway, a lot of people who spoke to me told me the same thing and that is that nothing will change unless you make it happen. I have to admit, I've tried a lot of things and still, they aren't working. Other methods may have done more harm than good. Be that as it may, with everything going from bad to worse as well as that claustrophobic feeling that's starting to envelope me, I don't to go down like this.

Though I don't like to admit, these bad events have left me physically, mentally and emotionally weary. Yet a part of me, still doesn't want to give because I know that I'm close, but I still have to figure things out more. There's a lot at stake so I better make it quick. I better make a decision if I am going to lay all on the line.

Friday, November 27, 2009

The Last Days Of School: I Remember By Madonna

I know I've mentioned this time and time again whenever I think about my school days. Every time the end draws near, I always have that urge to take a look back even during last few days before it's time to call it quits. Whenever the last exam is finished, I take time to go out and look at the horizon before I head for home. I guess the reason why I do that is because I try to take in everything that's come and gone during the school year. Accept all the good and the bad which has happened and what I have learned from it all before I start anew. Madonna's song " I Remember" reminds of the sentimental feeling I get when a chapter in my life has just ended.

This song was the soundtrack for the movie "With Honors" and it sure taught a lot of lessons of what life is all about. Ironically, it was set during the last few weeks of a batch students who are about to graduate when they learn something from a homeless man that they can't learn in college. You know with every year, you go through different experiences and whether it was good or bad, we learn something from and move on. Sometimes you take some time alone to fully absorb what you learn to make that you take it with you for the rest of your life. Hopefully whatever you learn and take with you will make you a better person.

Well next Tuesday is December which is the last month of the year. Already, that sentimental feeling is starting to creep up on me. If I wasn't so busy, I'd like to take a walk somewhere and do some reflection. Or just sit somewhere peaceful and take it all in. True, there has been more bad than good that happened this year, but there some good times. Good or bad, the best thing to is to keep them and learn from them to make the new year a better year.

Dance Envy: Dancing By Myself By Billy Idol

Whenever a dance party is held, you will most likely find three kinds of people there: 1)Those who want to dance and have no trouble finding a partner; 2)Those who don't want to dance and head for cover when the music begins and 3)Those who want to dance but either doesn't have a partner or nobody wants to dance with them for some reason. You can probably count in in the second category cause so long as there's a watering hole, I'll seek shelter there. For those who fall in the third category, I feel sorry for them because they came there to dance with somebody but nobody's asking. It's big downer and what happens you feel like a kid whose excluded from all the play-time activities. When I hear the song "Dancing With Myself" by Billy Idol, I think about those guys and gals who want to dance with somebody but have a hard time doing so.

When, it comes to dancing, I turn into a ninja and disappear in background. Only if I am with someone who's company I enjoy, only then can will I be enticed to dance. There are those, however, are really searching for their soulmate on occasions like this and when they come up empty they just try to blend in with the rest of the dancers hoping to either cut in or find a partner. Some get lucky and some don't. Well, there's always the next party.

Still, there are those who keep on trying. Some may it's pathetic, but atleast they don't give up. If at first you don't succeed, try and try again. Eventually if you keep at it, you will succeed and dancing alone is nowadays acceptable. It's okay to dance by yourself so long as you don't "play" with yourself.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Feels So Good But The Bottomline Is That It's Wrong : Run To You By Bryan Adams

Lately, I've been watching the series "Cheaters" religiously and is fast becoming one of my guilty pleasures. I guess because unlike other reality shows, this exposes cheating for what it is and those who cheat regret their actions. Still, sometimes there's that the cheaters find in their companions that they can't find with their spouses. The song "Run To You" by Bryan Adams makes me wonder what it is that makes them do what they do.

Based on what some some suspects confess on the show, they get something from that other person that they can't get from their partners. For others, they feel there that they get neglected or fire simply, died out. Whatever the reason, when the urge gets to them, run to their "others". Even when the love that they get from their spouses is true, it's different from what they get when their with someone else. Whether it's love or not, they keep coming back for more.

Still, the bottomline is that this is wrong. I'm no expert but there is such a thing as talking about it and for that to happen, let alone be successful, both sides have make the effort. I'm no expert but there must be something missing or something wrong which led to this development. Still, it's no excuse for cheating and hurting your significant other. They maybe dull or have gained some weight over the years but they have always been there through good times and bad. Two wrongs don't make a right which is why cheating is still wrong. You have problem, run to them not to someone else because one you might have no one to run to.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

When The Night Is Your Only Sanctuary: Stay The Night By Benjamin Orr

, what big bust this year turned out to be. What got off to a good start suddenly made turn for the worse. I thought things were resolved and bonds would be renewed, but alas, something happened that destroyed that momentum. After going through one bad experience after another, the only solace that I find is when the day is over and the night. When I hear the song "Stay The Night" by Benjamin Orr, I feel that it is only during the night were I can find sanctuary from all this crap.

Everytime I wake up, I pray that nothing bad will happen. That's the reason why everytime the phone rings and I get a house call at work, I really get edgy. I sometimes fear that it is bad news again and when it is, it really throws me off for the rest of the day. Only when everybody goes to sleep that I finally feel at ease for the day has ended and so is tension that it has brought. Sometimes I stay up just a little longer to compose myself, reflect on what happened or just to get the bad vibes out of my system.

Just few minutes or an hour to enjoy the cool quiet air of the evening after enduring a bad day is enough for me. They say when you're grown up, things start getting complicated and this time around it sure has. So when all is said and done, I look up to the sky and take time out to appreciate the night's cool air as it soothes my soul. I've seen better days and maybe they'll come around again. Till then, I'll just sanctuary in the cool night air.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

If It Ends, It Will End: It's The End Of The World As We Know It By R.E.M.

Right now the film "2012" is showing in theaters and is making a big hit among local viewers. It's another one of those end-of-the-world flicks depicting the destruction of the world. When I was a kid, I admit I use to be afraid when my religion teachers would talk about it, especially when they about fire and brimstone in Hell. These days, however, with the way things are, the end doesn't sound so bad after all. The upbeatness of the song "It's The End Of The World As We Know It" by R.E.M. embodies my thoughts when the time comes.

You know I've seen all kinds of the game films and some of them, even features endings where mankind is able to avoid destruction. I wonder if the producers, directors and crew ever thought that if we did cheat the end, would the world be a better place? They don't call it the end for nothing. When it happens, it'll happen and despite all that trying figure out the scriptures or scientific analysis of the environment, there's nothing anyone can do to stop it. Just like Agent Scully said in the X-Files that "When God puts on a show, not even the devil can make it rain".

So what am I going to do when that happens? I guess I'll take confession and pray for everyone around me. When the flaming rock comes, I'll probably take a seat as I drink a glass from my favorite whiskey and smoke a cigar. I may even make a toast as I embrace the inevitable. That way even if the world ends, I still feel fine.

Monday, November 23, 2009

When The Love Is Gone: After The Love Is Gone By Earth, Wind And Fire

I know it's getting monotonous but I can't but feel down about how things are turning out. The worst part about it is something that I value is going to the dogs. I'm not one to talk about it but it's so bad that I can feel in the air everyday and every night. I never thought that it would happen to us but it did. Earth, Wind And Fire's song "After The Love Is Gone" always reminds me of this.

These past few months, Ive been blogging about the "bond" which the one thing that sets us apart from the rest. I'm not saying that we were perfect but nevertheless we were tight and always acted as one. Everybody saw that in us and up until now, I thought that would never be broken. Alas, outsiders have corrupted the bond causing to break and now it's every man for himself. People turning on others was never heard of before, but now it's becoming a sad reality around here.

They would probably say that I have no right to mention this because right now I'm a mess. Nevertheless, that didn't mean that I can't sit by and take this crap that's ruining everything. Unfortunately, for this to be resolve, that bond has to be repaired and to do that, we need to find that connection again which these outsiders had destroyed for their selfish goals. They time heals all wounds, well this saying is going to be put to the test. At present, there are a lot of people on my ##$$@ list because of what they have done to this which take a long time to heal because the love is gone.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Another Cool Dude Who Introduced Me To This Band: Rock You Like A Hurricane By The Scorpions

For those who read some of my past entries, l frequently mentioned a lot about not wanting to go back to my old school or not wanting to attend reunions of my batchmates. The reason for this was because of my always going against the flow, I found it hard to connect with a lot of them. Despite that lack of having something in common, there were some people who I found to have the same interest as me. making my stay there more bearable. One such person that I met was really cool for a foreigner and introduced to European Metal. One band that he listened to that I was the Scorpions and the song that I liked best was "Rock You Like A Hurricane".

I will call this guy "A" and though he was no Dr. Wu, he was still pretty cool. My first impression of him was that he was one of those "in crowd" kids who probably join the populars rather hang out with the ordinary smoes. That all changed when I was waiting for my ride home and he was packing up to do the same. We started talking and I found out that he too like metal music and gave me a tape of the band which contained this song. I thoroughly enjoyed the tape and was glad to meet another person who wasn't like the rest.

Though it's been a while, I still think highly of him from time to time. It's nice to know that there are people out there who have the same interest as you, making you feel that you are not alone. Though the present hasn't good to me, when I think about all these guys and the times I shared with them, it soothes my soul like a shot of whiskey. Like alot of good people that I've met over the years, I wish him well. To this day, I still bang my head when this song is played and I owe all to him.

Friday, November 20, 2009

That Sense Of Urgency: Better Be Home Soon By Crowded House

Looking back, we were lucky when we were young because once the weekend came in, we practically free to go where we wanted to go. We'd rock from dusk till dawn and no matter how stewed we were we managed to get back in one piece. These days if one had the chance to go out, it would be hard to shake a lot of things out of one's head even as the party started to roar on its own speed and to the demands and situations at home, you had to get back as early as you can. When I get sense or urgency to head on back while I'm in a party, the song "Better Be Home Soon" by Crowded House.

I know this song is more about a suspicious spouse who thinks his mate is cheating on him. For me, this song reminds me of the edgy feeling I get when I go out these because of the weight that I carry around me. Every time I get chance to go out, I can't help but feel that something might go wrong. Just when things are starting to get interesting, something comes out of the blues and spoils everything. What could have been one of those rare opportunities to unwind would only make me even more tense. It's enough to drive a guy crazy.

It's been a while since I had a good time with good people to share it with. With the "bond" starting to crumble and dark mood that I feel every time I go home, My solace is when the night has come and I close my eyes. I can say that Jack is becoming a dull boy. Well, at least I had my time in the sun and that is enough. When 24K songs begin to play, they all come alive again which brightens up the day for this dreary soul.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

What Does It Take To Satisfy You: How Much Is Enough By The Fixx

When you're young, you wish you could have all that you lay your eyes on. We want so many things that we seldom realize what happening to us or to those around us. This is especially true to those who were always pampered to the point of being spoiled. They are never satisfied no how much is given to them. This is what I think when I hear the song "How Much Is Enough" by The Fixx.

When I was getting older, I realize that my parents were really working hard to provide for my needs and that of my brothers. I was no saint and there were times that I wanted a lot of things, but when I realize what the cost was, I decided to concentrate only on the things that mattered. I saw that satisfying every wish or request can really take its toll to those who work hard to make it happen. It made me feel guilty that they have to go through all that because I kept asking for it.

I'm not saying that it's wrong to wish or want something but do it in moderation or more importantly, when it really counts. Today, with all the cool gadgets out there, I wouldn't if some poor breadwinner starting to have chest pains as to how get something like that, especially when that person is being nagged day in and day out. You know there are more important things out there than just those material crap. Some you can see and some you can't but you feel it anyway. If your soul empty now just wait how you'll feel when the important things disappear.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Where Have They Gone: Where Have All The Good Times Gone By The Kinks

In my latest entry, I was pretty much low after all that has happened last week. Because of that, I started to my friends who I hung around with way back then. At least I had someone to talk to who shared the same views as I a did. More than that, I'm beginning to miss all the good times that we use to enjoy. Thinking about that reminds me of the song "Where Have All The Good Times Gone by The Kinks.

This song was later remade by other great artists and bands such as Van Halen, David Bowie and Elton John. Man, back then when we gathered, time stopped and all the laughter can as the sound of bottles being opened as smoke filled the air. People were very tight back then and we thought the good times would never end. Alas, not only did the good end, so did the bonds that made it happen. Just when I thought that things were looking, one bad thing happened after another and the already fragile "bond" cracked even more.

These days problems just keep piling up and a good day is when nothing bad happens. What's happening now is a bitter awakening that the good times are gone. People who are tight are now out for themselves who gone to the dog-eat-dog mentality. Will the good times ever come back? I sure hope so because there's too much of the bad and too little of the good.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Missing My Friends: Awit Ng Barkada By The Apo Hiking Society

With all the chaos that was wrought this week, I sure feel really down from what happened. The fact that I'm alone facing this burden everyday is really wearing me down. It's bad enough that the crap keeps coming and it's really burying up to my neck. Right now, I am really missing my friends and the times that we shared when things were cool. When 24K played, the song "Awit Ng Barkada" by The Apo Hiking Society, it only made miss them more.

When you're young, you're friends are always there and when you had fun stories to tell or want to take a heavy load off your shoulders, they're laughter and counsel always saved the day. As I have said before, most of my friends were drifters and loners like me. They went against the flow and shared a lot of my interest. Lately, however, they fell they fell by the wayside and I lost contact with all of them as time went by. Now, that problems are piling and age is starting to catch with me, I find myself missing them more and more. Not a day goes by when I don't think about them and wish to see them.

I guess this is the price one pays for being a loner at heart. Even those who rather be alone longs to be with others, especially those who one has a lot in common with. When the day is over, I often reflect about the good times that we spent together and that is enough to cheer me up. Whenever I see an old batchmate, I smile cause the past comes alive again. Wherever they miss them and I hope one day, we see each other again.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

When They Make Evil Look Good: Sympathy For The Devil

In one of my October entries, I blogged about how the roles are now reversed when it comes to the horror genre. These days it's the vampires and all the ghouls who are the "good guys" and the humans are all religious fundamental "fanatics" who are narrow-minded and hypocritical throwbacks of the dark ages. Even though it's obvious that majority of these creatures prey upon us, these days, they are made to look like some misunderstood and persecuted minority class who we should understand even though they throw their weight around the hapless human population. We are now portrayed as either victims or narrow-minded bigots for these so-called "misunderstood" creatures. These days that kind of portrayal doesn't sit well with me. When I hear the song "Sympathy For The Devil" by The Rolling Stones, I think too many villains are getting away with it both in movies and real life.

Is it because of the power, the air of mystery or simply being part of a secret club that people these dd days fawn upon such monsters? When will they realize that evil is evil and that given its nature, will kill when the thirst beckons? It's not just with movies; we see robbers, rapist and even killers are made to sympathetic while shifting the blame on society or even the victims for failing to understand what drives them. Even if they came from a broken home or had a bad break, it doesn't excuse them for committing such heinous acts on people who did not even know them. We scrutinized too much that in the end, what's wrong is wrong. It may be a black and white conclusion for some, but in the end, you can't sugar-coat the damaged done by these idiots.

I still believe that forgiveness and sympathy are great quality traits that people are capable of expressing. However, it is something that is EARNED not DEMANDED! I may sound puritanical but nowadays we have become too soft and too forgiving that we are letting evil get its way. Before anyone accuses me of being a "brown shirt" Nazi, look around you and tell me I'm wrong. Too many criminals are running wild while the cinema continues to glorify evil. That's the reason why I really believe that there's too much sympathy for the devil.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Ahh, The Good Old Days: Better Days By Bruce Springsteen

Right now, I'm glad the week's coming to a close. After all that crap that happened, I just want to forget it all after all stress that turn everything upside down. Seems to me, it's the bad times again and the thought of it makes me pin for the good old days. That's what I think when I hear Bruce Springsteen's song "Better Days".

I remember the time when I had money in my pocket and I just left the house and go wherever I want to. After having my fill of the sights, I'd go home and feeling very refreshed. These days, it's a whole different story now that responsibility finally got a hold me. I'd be lucky if I can sneak a few winks just to ease my weary heart. The worst part of all this when s@#@t, happens, it really happens and there's escaping it.

Lately, there's been too little of the good days and too much of the bad. Just when you think happy days are here again, some fools do something stupid and the dream becomes a nightmare. Well, there are days like this and no matter what we do they will happen. I'm not going to let this break me. I'll toughen it out till betters come back again.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

A Little Shelter From The Storm: My Sanctuary By Identity Crisis

Though the week is almost over, the commotion that happened a few days ago still cuts deep inside me. It's a grim reminder that good times can suddenly come to a very abrupt end. Right now. it's back to the grind after the grind, meaning you're tired from work and will be even more tired after looking after things at home again. Add to that all the other crap that's been happening around here really gets me down. The song "My Sanctuary" by Identity Crisis finds me wishing for shelter from this crazy storm.

A lot of times, crap happens and when it does, it sure takes everyone by surprise. I know that we have to face things like this. Still, it doesn't take the feeling of hurt, betrayal and anger away. A lot of times, you wonder what went wrong even though the answer is plain to see. Well when that happens, it sure is a real downer, especially if you trusted those who caused and thus, sealed their fate.

So here we go again; back to getting bone tired every evening. Well, these are bad times, I can take comfort knowing that they don't last long. Just like Bergson's "Shipwrecked Theory" which I mentioned in my earlier entries, this will come around eventually. Until then, we have to rough it up a bit. The question is will I ever know peace of mind especially after all this repetitive cycles?

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Need To Get Away: Gotta Get Away By The Offspring

can't believe that this happened again. Once again we find ourselves back to that wretched situation again. It's all because somebody dropped the ball. The worst part about it is that I'm the one who's going to bear the brunt of it. Just when things were starting to run smoothly, it all comes crashing down. I've got Offspring's "Gotta Get Away" on my mind right now because right now I am dreading this situation.

Man, just when things were starting to run smoothly, this had to happen. It's been a long time since I had some relief but thanks to those two idiots who lied, it all fell apart. It's bad enough that the year is about to end which means that getting a replacement is next to impossible. Right now, I am trying to relax and not let the anxiety get the best of me. If it does, I really might just bolt out even though I don't want to leave people hanging.

They say that good times don't last forever, well they were right. I've been here before and I guess we have to rough it out again. I hope we get some relief soon because this situation stinks. Man, this can't go on. I hope we break this mould soon cause it sure is taking it's toll on me.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Feeling Dead Ended: The Pretender By Jackson Browne

Forgive if a lot of my entries seems like I'm beating a dead horse. As I have mentioned in the past, like a lot of people, I have seen my share of hopes and dreams go down the drain. When that happens, you make due with what you can get and when you get older, that's there isn't much. Still, when there are people who depend on us, it's still better than nothing which can still be made into something. Jackson Browne's song "The Pretender", reminds me of that lesson.
There's nothing worse than leading a life that you don't like. While some get lucky and make their dreams come true, there are others out there who settle for what they can get. Worse still, there are who just quit it all, when they just can't accept what life has dealt them. For those who don't make it have to fight feeling that they're stuck in a dead after failing to achieve their goals.

I guess I better say a prayer for all pretenders because they have to be strong to accept such a bitter fate. Still the fact that they are still here and are still struggling means there's still hope. It's just a matter of time and hard work. So those who feel, dead ended, don't give up fight cause the fact that we're still out shows that we're not out of it yet.

Monday, November 9, 2009

When Things Are Resolved: I'll Feel A Whole Lot Better By The Byrds

Lately, there are things that are happening here that really stab me in the heart. The "bond" that we were so proud of is really starting to unravel. Nobody talks about it cause bringing up the issue might do more harm than good. I never thought that I would see the day that this would happen. What's worse is what I thought and hoped would be a year where old wounds would heal only opened up new ones and do further damage to the "bond". Hoping that one day what was lost would be restored is what I hope for when I hear the song "I'll Feel A Whole Lot Better" by The Byrds.

Like I've said before, this "rift" always makes me feel bad since the day it started. It makes me feel bad because I always thought that what we had was unique and everybody saw that in us. I know that as we grow older, it's time to move on and make your place in the world. I support that and I wish the best for those that do so. The only thing that I wish is that no matter where any of us would go is that the "bond" is still there. These days outsiders have severlly damaged it with their whining. That really makes me made and right now there are a lot of people on my @#$# list.

With the year slowly coming to a close, its going to be another melancholic end. Last year was bad enough and now here we go again. I do so hope something happens that would turn things around. Two years in a row was bad enough and now this. When things that start to look up, that when I'll start feeling better.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

To The Coolest Dude I Ever Knew: Dr. Wu By Steely Dan

Every school batch always has a cool dude in their class. This kind of person would come out of nowhere and really catch people's attention. He would probably be tough, ready to party, a guy people would go to, yet didn't swung his weight around the place. His mere presence commanded respect, yet he gave respect and hung around with anybody who was true to his or herself. When I remember one such person during my high school days, I play the song "Dr. Wu" by Steely Dan.

I remember when I first met him, he was different from the rest from the way he carried himself, yet he was not one to assert himself in a place, but rather was approachable and easily made friends with others. He was tough without being tough and was ready with case full of "goodies" making everyday a party(though a lot of my batchmates got kicked out because they lost their "head"). Yet he kept his head on his shoulders and when it came to academics, he could give honor students a run for their money. In short, he was a man of respect without demanding it, he could have easily caused a ruckus in the school but didn't and instead hung around with real people rather than those just want to be part of the "incrowd".

Yet despite the huge presence that he had in the school, he was always the "quiet man dwelling in the shadows" who only minded his own business. He would rather have brew and a "herb" with real buddies rather than go to those high class socials with the fancy people which really made him cool. When the last were over and it was time for graduation practice, he disappeared. When I got year book the only image you can find of him would be in the class picture because their was no write-up or graduation picture of him in the book. He fade out quietly as he came in.

I still think highly of him to this day. He was the quiet rebel who made a rep for himself without trying to do so. He meant to impress or assert himself but neverthelesss, he sure made an impression and everyone in my batch knew it. He was one of the few people that was able to do what he wanted and did it with style. Maybe he's changed over the years just like all of us, but I'll bet those core characteristics that gave him a name will always be with him. He'll always be my batch's "Dr. Wu".

Friday, November 6, 2009

Still Looking/When I'm Satisfied: Satisfied By Richard Marx

In my entry using U2's song "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" I explained my reasons for my restlessness and unwillingness to settle down. As I have mentioned in the past, there were some things that I missed out on that I wished I didn't. As a result, I've always had that feeling that something was missing and I felt like a walking jigsaw puzzle with some pieces missing. These days, I need to fill those spaces if I am to have any peace with myself. The song "Satisfied" by Richard Marx starts, playing the longing to find what was lost grows stronger.

At certain stages in life, there certain things that one is suppose to do or go through that helps shape that individual. As I have stated before, I missed out on those crucial activities. As a result, I feel that I wasn't ready for certain things when reality came calling. When I was thrown into the real world it was struggle and there too many downs than ups. The fact that I am still here should mean that I should be thankful and more importantly, that there is still a chance to get back what was lost.

Well, right now I am just getting by and things are okay for the moment. I've just got over another of those "bad cycles" and am currently focusing on my work. Still, I also try to find those things that I missed on while I still can. It's tricky trying to balance responsibilities with that obsession but that's the situation that I find myself in. Only when when I find those missing pieces then I feel complete and by doing so, be satisfied.

A Fun Song About Getting Dumped/Should Be Aired On 24K: Out Of Season By Reo Speedwagon

One difference I found whenever I compare I compare music from 80s and the 90s is that the former was always cheerful. Even when it was about sad situations, there was something cheerful about the sound that it didn't even make you feel depressed. I guess it was a reflection of the times because we all had a blast back then. Even the sad songs had a cheerful streak in it. One such song was "Out Of Season" by Reo Speedwagon.

This is one of my favorite songs from that group. Great guitars and great piano play combined with really good vocals, what more can one asks for. Although it tells the story of guy who's down in the dumps after a break up, it doesn't sound that way. The music is played in such a way that you really just want to get up and dance with it, rather than feel depress. I guess in a way, it was trying to console whoever the song was talking about. Only in the 80s, can they make such a song.

Unfortunately this is one of those songs that didn't get much airplay back then. I consider this to be one of the band's most underrated songs. It definitely deserves to played in the radio. Once again I hope Rt's 24K program plays this song and give the air time it deserves. Good songs even if they are old deserve to heard by everyone. This is definitely one of them.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

It's Never Enough: Never Enough By Patty Smyth

A long time ago, people once accused me of just thinking only about myself which really filled me up with guilt. When I started paying more attention to what's going on around here, it was like trying to do battle with the undead. Once you think you got a problem covered, something else just springs out of nowhere. Physically, mentally and emotionally, this sure takes a big toll out of a person. After all I that gave and still, it doesn't cut it, the song "never enough" comes to mind.

If I could give all that I could just to satisfy or solve the needs and problems around here, I would do so. Trying to do everything and pleasing everyone is next to impossible. A lot of times, I feel that I'm tackling these things with both my hands tied. It really hurts when you see a lot of things that need to be done but you don't have the resources to do it. A lot of times, the only solace that you can get is when the day is over and you turn off the lights to refresh your weary soul.

I guess all of this is as they say a "fact of life". Once responsibilities are thrust upon you, it just keeps on coming. You just have to take it as they come. Be strong and meet the challenge head on. Think of what you can do to carry through the day. It may not be enough, but at least no one can say that people like me didn't try.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Sure You Didn't Mean It: Jojo By Boz Scaggs

Last week, the crap hit the fan as the lummox once again pulled another one. He was already told not to bring that dumb @$#$ here but as soon as I head off to work, the !!@#@# came and when my mom saw her, the crap hit the fan. It was bad enough that he brought her here without telling anyone, but the fact that he would raise a hand against her was the last straw. My father laid the hammer down and made it clear that he'll no longer stand for this. When I think about that incident, the song "Jojo" by Boz Scaggs suddenly came to mind.

If people ever wonder why I became a neocon is because whenever I do something, man, I really had to answer for it. I admit it galls me, when people get off lightly for doing stupid things and they make excuses like "I didn't mean it". Well in this case, he sure didn't know what he was doing and the fact that he was going to raise his hand really makes me mad. Compared to some people, he got all the support in this house even if the people here were tired to the bone. That support was given to him with no conditions and nothing in return and for him to act the way that he did was really incorrigable.

This really saddens me because after two sad years of feuds, I was hoping that things would be better. Alas, I was wrong and I feel that something has died here and it was something precious to all of us. It was something we cherished till outsiders came in and ruined it. Right now, we just carry on cause there things that need to be done. As for the lummox, he better think about what he did cause he can't say "I didn't mean it" anymore.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Mean Streets: Dirty Boulevard By Lou Reed

Working in a government office, you see a lot of people coming in and out of the building. A lot are just doing fine while some are well off, but majority who go there are those who barely make ends meet. You see them in the welfare office asking for a little extra just to make it through the day. A lot of these come from places where none would dare go and many have succumbed to the lure of the streets. Some try to get out as best as they can or simply become another statistic on some sheets. When I think about the plight of teens on the means streets, I think of the song "Dirty Boulevard" by Lou Reed.

A lot of these people grow up in a place where the reality of life is about how to make it through the day. Many of them want to find a way of that place in the fastest way possible. Due to the tough hand that life has dealt them many of these guys often get into crime at an early age. As a result, some of them wind up in prison or worse in the graveyard. Life around is the hard getting harder.

Fortunately though, not everyone goes down that road. Through their own efforts or with the help of others, there are some who make it out. Even better, they are able to become something good and break the mold. Right now, I'm glad that the place that I am working in has achieved a lot getting kids out of the "dirty boulevard" because it's proof that we can make a difference on the meanest of streets. Hopefully, the day will come when they can all fly away to a better place.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Car Crazy: Highway Star By Deep Purple

It's incredible how learning to use new technology can be so addictive. Take driving car for example; before one learned how to drive, a person was once a happy-go-lucky traveler who relied either on his feet or some fare money for commuting to get him from one place to another. This changes, however, once a person masters the skill of driving and after tasting how good it feels to get from one place to another while driving, he will never want to go back to commuting, let alone, walking again. There are some instances where in they think that the car that they borrowed is THEIRS and some cases, they drive it to the GROUND! When I think of these car-crazy individuals, I remember the song, "Highway Star" by Deep Purple.

Why the sudden craziness to get behind the wheel and just speed off? Some say that it is the ultimate feeling of freedom (especially for adolescents who grow restless for adventure). For others, it simply helps them get to their point of destination faster and for the rest is the chance to show off on the road. The problem is that most of these idiots don't a care and rely on other people's vehicles which they sometimes take without asking if the owners have somewhere important to go. They'll zoom from dusk till dawn and empty the tank without filling it up. And when they bust the car up, they can't face the owner and when they get reprimanded, they're the ones who get mad like some punk in a Japanese anime.

So what have I learned from all this? First, if you're going to speed like Mad Max, do it on your own vehicle. Secondly, be sure to ask first before using it and make sure that the owner has nowhere important to go on that day. Thirdly, be careful on the road because some people tend to speed like some drag racer, endangering themselves and others. Although I now know how to drive, I rather just really on my feet and spare change to get me to where I'm going. Maybe when I get my own car which I can maintain on my own, can I really cruise down the road.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Dealing With Death And Moving On: Wishing On Another Lucky Star By JB Souther

When the clock strikes 6:00 pm on a Sunday, 24K starts the "Reel Tracks" program. This is where they play soundtracks from movie and television shows that have become very popular on their own. At first, I didn't appreciate this program until they started playing songs that were only played on film. Some of these songs really linger in one's mind and now thanks to "Reel Tracks", they were able to preserve them for others to listen and enjoy.

The song is the soundtrack from the movie "Permanent Record" starring Keannu Reeves which tells the story of class trying to cope with the sudden suicide of one of their batchmates who was the best and the brightest among them. Though school authorities didn't want them to hold a tribute for their fallen friend, they managed to sing this song during a presentation, giving them closure on the issue. You can really feel the emotion of the characters when an acoustic version of this song was played in the film. It really gets to you when you watch that scene. The sudden burst of Keannu to his friend's parents about his guilt of not able to save his friend was something really hard to watch.

Coping with the sudden loss of a friend or worse even a love one is never is easy to take. It always feels that the best part of you have been taken away and sadness that starts to fill your being can really be overwhelming. Right now we are observing All Saints' Day and families are currently visiting the graves of their loved ones and though their is an air of celebration, we still have to accept that they are no longer here. Life goes and the best way we can honor those who aren't here anymore is to go on living and do something good with our lives. Though they are gone, they will always live in our minds and most importantly, in our hearts.