Ever had those times when you wish for something so bad and it never materializes. You try hard and channel your energy to do all that you can but it didn't work and all that effort goes down the drain. In the end, someone tells you it was never meant for you so just let it go. As much as I'm a level-headed person, I try hard to fight the urge to strangle the jerk who said that. What adds insult to injury is when the alternative that is offered to you is something you detest to the utmost that you want to scream to the high heavens "That's Not Funny!". Whenever I find myself in this kind of situation, I hear Pearl Jam's song "This Is Not For You" playing in my head.
Whether it's losing a dream job, getting passed over for some else, a rejected project or losing someone to another, this song really fits all these categories. It hurts when the thing or person you want the most was never meant for you and that's an understatement. I hate to admit it but I've been through alot of the above and it happened during the times when I needed it most. You keep wondering what went wrong and despite rationalizing on where you went wrong, the hurt remains. Like I said earlier, being given a lousy alternative is like adding insult to injury because that is not the one that you want and if people force on you, that's when all hell breaks loose. You can take so much when it comes to something you want so bad, that's when you draw the line.
That's why I'm begining to understand why no one wants to settle for anything less. It's either that or nothing. In situations like that, I realize now why people fight tooth and nail to get what they want because it's stinks when you're forced into situations you don't want to be in. Although it makes people stubborn, I have to admire them for their determination to get that which they really want. As I close this entry and looking back at the things and opportunities that I've lost I often ask myself is this is not for me then what is?
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