When I entered that blog entry by Darlene Love, one person gave me an emotional reply which I am grateful for. Right now as the big day fast approaches, the more my anxiety grows. Christmas for me is not complete unless everybody is there. For the last 11 years, I always keep my fingers crossed till everybody arrives and then I can breathe easy. At present I'm hoping against hope that everybody will be there.
Because of this apprehension, I keep hearing the song "It's Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)by U2 which was originally done by Darlene Love.
I have to admit the only time I didn't feel like this was when I was in a deep sulk which back in 2002 and because of that, I feel that Karma is teaching me a lesson about being angry during the holidays. Whether we celebrate Christmas on the eve or on the day itself, it's not complete when someone is missing. I know it's childish of me but if the family is incomplete, it's hard to feel festive when that happens. When that happens, I feel like someone just blew a giant hole in my chest and slice my heart to a million pieces.
So here I am again with my fingers crossed as the days draw close to the most important day of the year. Last year, I didn't it but I was worried to death as to what will happen and fortunately things ended for the best. I'm not so sure about this year which got me very worried. I'm not blaming anyone or am I siding with anyone but if things go bad on this day, it sure is going to hurt and that hurt might cause the tear to rip through the bonds of this family. If that happens, then it's not Christmas even if there are bright lights and carols all around.
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