Helps Take Me Away From All This Ugliness: Into The Mystic By Van Morrison

 

As I've always mentioned in several of my blog post, a good 24K song keeps the doctor away.  Just a few minutes of listening to one of these gems helps ease my troubles which tends to haunt me day and night.  I tend to listen to them more often because things sure are getting chaotic around me. With my money all spent and nowhere to go, it also serve as my only escape when things are a little rough.  One such song that helps me escape my troubles is Van Morrison's "Into The Mystic"

Why is it that when I pray for peace, all I get is chaos?  Right now I am listening to this song as I blog about what I am feeling and I'm not feeling very good.  As it plays, I try to imagine myself in another place where there is no problems and the sun is shinning yet the breeze is cool.  I see under a tree while watching the children playing without worrying about anything.  Best of all I feel at peace as if some demon has been exorcised and banished and the land is at peace once again.

Why can't I always feel this way?  It's been a long time since I felt that laid back feeling you have not a care in the world.  These days, there's no escaping the crap that life throws at you and the only thing that you can do is deal with it as bests as you can.  Well as long as I can listen to good songs like this, I can still cope.  It helps take me away from all this ugliness even if it is only for the moment and that is good enough.

Outlasting The Storm: Ridin The Storm Out By Reo Speedwagon

A lot of times I remind myself that tough times don't last but tough people do.  It helps keep me going even when life keeps dealing me a bad hand.  For us, life is full of ups and downs and when the down times come, it sure shake your world up and destroy everything that you worked hard to build.  However, despite how hard things get, never bow down and keep on going.  A good song that reminds to keep on going even when the storm is bearing down on me is Reo Speedwagon's :Riding  The Storm Out".

I've had my share of bad times and there was more bad times than good.  There were times when the troubles just came one after another.  Still, I've gone through worse before and I weathered the storm and every ugly thing it threw at me.  It wasn't easy but I kept my head above water till the storm had pass and sure enough I made through.  I wasn't much of fighter but I was not willing to let defeat me.

This doesn't mean that there won't be another and sure enough life often sends me one storm after another.  I guess it's life's way of toughening me up.  Still, it's just another inconvenience that you need to deal with.  I'm not brave enough to say this but if you make it out of the storm, you come out a tougher and hopefully a smarter person.  So when that storm comes, don't be afraid and ride out as best as you can till it's over.

Don't Want To Grow Old : 18 Till I Die By Bryan Adams

Ever had those times when you wish you could be young forever?  We all feel that when we hadn't had enough of living and this especially true when times are great.  When it gets that great, you wish it would be like this forever.  Still, there comes a time when we have to face the fact that we are getting older and so must move with the times.  When it comes to wanting to stay young, the song "18 Till I Die" by Bryan Adams comes to mind.

When you're young,  you feel the world is yours for the taking.  So many things to do, you'd wish you were immortal or time stand still.  Who wouldn't, you're at the peak of your youth by being old enough to get around but young enough not to have too much responsibility.  It's such a charmed life.  Who wouldn't want to stay young?

Well, time has a way of making you realize it's time to move.  You feel it when the things you enjoyed and the places you go to suddenly disappear. The new stuff doesn't appeal to you anymore and you have an urge to do something that adults should be doing like finding your place in the world.  Well, you're only young once.  The only time you don't wan to grow is because you weren't satisfied with your youth so enjoy while you still can.

Be Careful What Place You Get Into: Shamalamadingdong By Otis Day And The Nights

Watched the film "National Lampoon's Animal House" again last night to cheer me up. Sure enough it did the trick as I was once again laughing out loud at every funny scene in the film.  There was one scene where it reminded me that you have to be careful about what bar you're going into.  Instead of having a good time, it might turn out to be one bad trip.  The song that was being played at that scene was when they entered a bar to the tune of "Shamalamadingdong" by the fictitious band Otis Day And The Nights.

The scene was when they picked up a couple of girls and they were looking for a place to chill out with their dates. They then saw a bar where Otis' band was playing and decided to spend the night there.  Unfortunately, they entered a bar that catered only to a certain ethnic group and since they were different, they were harassed none-stop by the other patrons. Only they took their dates and crowded in on them did they take the hint and ran out of the bar, leaving their dates behind who had to work home.

Just like all the other scenes, this was hilarious as ever.  However, it also teaches people to be careful about what establishment they're stepping into.  Sadly there are some places that caters only to a certain group and anyone else who tries to get in will only get harassed till they leave and they'll be lucky if it just gets to that.  So take and don't go in if you know you're not welcome. It'll save you at lot of grief in the end. 

Another Song I Listen To When I Feel Numb And Low Even When There's So Much Activity Out There: Drive By R.E.M.

I'm still feeling low from the recent developments that have happened at the end of this summer.  I thought that finally things are starting to come together only to see another crisis crashing down on our heads. This has been bothering me so much that I can't think of anything else.  It's getting to the point that I'm oblivious to  everything around me.  I just feel both low and numb right now.  Another song that I listen to when I feel this way is R.E.M.'s "Drive".

For a song whose lyrics is about partying and rocking, it's ironically slow.  Right now that bests describes me when something's troubling me.  When something's on my mind, it really puts a lot of lead in me.  I try hard to put a brave face and be calm but deep inside I'm very rattled.  That how troubling this situation is.

People tell me to not to mind and just go on with what I'm doing.  I know they're right but this cuts deep and it gives me no peace day or night.  Well I try meet the demands of the day as best as I can.  Still when I'm alone I can think of nothing else.  I play this song to calm myself  as I end the day.  Still, that numb and low feeling still haunts me in the night.

I Sure Long For Such A Place: A Quiet Little Place By K's Choice

This past few weeks, I've been stressed out by so many unpleasant developments that have been happening around here.  It breaks me up inside and gives me no peace knowing that these things are happening.  I miss the good old days when problems were few; fun times were plenty and bonds were still strong.  Right now I long for a place where there is peace and tranquility.  When it comes to such a place, nobody sings it better than K's Choice in their song "A Quiet Little Place".

I guess this is the reason why some of my blogs posts are about such places.  I've been feeling the fire way too often.  Just when I thought things were getting better, fate deals you a very unpleasant surprise. I would like to go somewhere to forget all of this just for a while.  To get my wits together and to just think happy thoughts even for just a moment to forget the blues.

I'm not saying that I want to run away from what's happening.  I guess things are happening all at once that it's hard to take in.  Still, I just miss spots like these where you take a chill from life's nasty jokes.  Just some to regroup and think things over.  After, I'll be able to face the world again.  

Wish I Could Have It All: Best Of Both Worlds By Van Halen

You know it's funny.  It's either you no time and a lot of money or vice versa.  When I was younger there were a lot of things that I wanted to do but didn't have the money for it.  Now that I'm older, I've neither the time nor the dough for the things that I want to do.  Wouldn't it be great if you could have all the time to do what you want to do and have the money to spend for it?  Van Halen's song "Best Of Both Worlds" reminds me of wanting to do a lot of things and having the money for it.

I guess I've been thinking this way because of a lot of responsibilities that take up both my time and money.  Just two years ago, some thing that I wanted to do suddenly got set up around here but I didn't have the cash for it.  Then all of a sudden it closed down and once again I missed out on something that I was interested in.   The worst of it is that more problems are rising out of the woodwork.  That's one way to remind me of what I've lost out on and what I'm stuck with.

To add insult to injury I see at lot of things around me that I want to get into but the time and cash issue once again blocks my path.  I'm not one to blame but sometimes I think life is playing a sick joke on me.  The only thing I can do is give a rueful sigh.  Will I ever feel what it was like again when I could do what I want to and had the time and money for it?  I really don't know. It's been a while since I had that feeling when I can have not only the best of both worlds but to have it all and enjoy it.

Things You Don't Expect: Anticipation By Carly Simon

Life they say is full of surprises.  Unfortunately, lately it's been full of unpleasant surprises.  Just when you think the year will be good, something happens that turns the worry switch on.  It's always something that you never expect.  On wish that you anticipated that something bad will happen, the song "Anticipation" by Carly Simon comes to mind.

Every year, I pray that things will be better.  I ask this not only for myself but for every member of my family as well. Sadly, things happen in life that you don't anticipate.  Out of the blue something happens and whatever peace that I feel is shatter to pieces.  The worst about it is that you never see it coming.  When it does, it sure takes the smile away from people's faces.

Instead of peace, I find myself praying for a solution.  I've always accepted the bad that happens in life but this is getting too much.  If this is a joke, it definitely is not funny at all.  Too many bad things are happening and that can drive a guy nuts as well as paranoid.  Instead of having peace of mind, you get that paranoid feeling of having the need to anticipate every situation that can happen. That's not cool at all!

Rude Awakening: Wake Up Little Suzie By Simon And Garfunkel

Ever had one of those situations where you finally feel comfortable that falling a sleep is a snap.  Your mind starts to drift and you find yourself in a great place with people you want to be with.  It feels so real and so good that you think that your in Heaven. Then all of a sudden, it disappears and you look at the clock to find that if you don't get out of bed, you're going to be late.  Having a good dream only to wake and rush to work reminds me of the song "Wake Up Little Suzie" by Simon and Garfunkel.

Either I stay up late too often or I'm just stressed out that I really drift to sleep when I close my eyes.  One thing's for sure, when you start having a good dream, it's so good you get the feeling that you're finally in a place where nothing else matters.  Unfortunately, reality has a way of ripping you out of that world.  Many times, I had to jump out of bed and into the showers then dress up while barely drying myself".  My only consolation is making to the office before the clock strikes eight.

Well, when reality calls, you better come running.  Times like that, I really feel miffed cause there are few times that I feel good and having dreams like that is one of them.  Sigh, this is another reminder that what you got can sure be a downer.  Oh well, that's life I guess.  Just when things are going good, reality gives you a rude awakening.

Will Still Follow You: Where You Lead By Carole King

A few weeks ago, I wrote a post about believing in people because they believe in me.  My faith in these guys  will never waver for apart from the support that they have given me, we have been together for such a long time.  Through the good times and the bad, we have stood by each other and continue to do so.  That is why when they need me, I'll be there for them no matter where they are.  When it comes to support that comes strong bonds, the song "Where You Lead" by Carol King comes to mind.

These guys have done a lot for me over the years that I can do no less in return.  Their joy is my joy and their sorrow is my sorrow.  That's how much these guys mean to me. Even if they live so far away, I'll always be in touch.  If they commit a mistake, I won't preach or judge but I tell them that they got to stop what they did wrong.  Even the road gets bumpy and squabbles break out, I'll still be there because the bonds that we have made go beyond that.

That's how important these people are to me.  I'm willing to bend and give way if it means their happiness and safety.  They've always cared about and I care about them.  In a world where people are now more self-centered and selfish, I won't subscribe to that.  Where they go, I will always follow and they can assured that I will always give my support.

Why Some People Could Do Anything: Confidence Man By The Jeff Healy Band

Ever wonder why there are some people in this world who make it big?  It's no secret that there are those in this world who are so successful, it seems that they can do anything.  They know all the right moves that they always come out on top in anything that they do.  One reason is their confidence.  When it comes to confident people, the song "Confidence Man" by The Jeff Healy Band comes to mind.

These are the people who are usually are the leaders.  They are the ones who make sound decisions no matter how complicated the situation becomes.  They are confident because not only have they studied the situation, they know it inside out to make such calls.  Apart from that, they have belief in themselves not because they are vain but because they are determine that they CAN do it.  The best part of this is that they impart that on the people around them who later get inspired and contribute their efforts to seeing the job get done and get done right.

I don't see myself as a weak person, but when I meet people like these, it reminds me of what I need to do if I want to get things done.  People like these teach me that nothing is impossible.  It's just a matter of knowing the situation and believing in myself.  I may not reach their level but they inspire me when the chips are down.  Like they say, a little confidence goes a long way.

Just Want To Stop Repeating This Cycle: Repetition By Information Society

I often blog about breaking an invisible cycle that I feel I've been going through again and again.  This is because I feel that what happened in the past seems to be happening again in the present.  It makes me feel like I didn't learn anything from what happened before.  It only makes me more determined not to repeat it again.  Right now I'm listening to Information Society's song 'Repetition" as I write this post to remind myself not to do so.

I know this song is about going back to relationships but it always reminds me to learn from what I have been through.  Hard to admit, I  still haven't.  If I did,  I wouldn't be going on and on about this sick cycle.  Just when I thought I learned my lesson, something happens and I find myself doing the same thing over again.  Once again fate played me for a fool.

Right now another cycle has once again repeated itself.  I'm not going to say what it is but it is making heart pound with worry.  Whenever events repeat itself, it sure takes the smile out of my face.  Well, if there is any consolation, this song is helping me calm down.  It's temporary relief till I find a way to break this cycle for good

A Song I Listen To When I'm Alone: Alone Again By Dokken

Whenever I'm worried or troubled, I want to be alone.  I guess it's I need to take some time to sort things out.  This especially true when something's troubling.  Every year, it seems that something always comes out of the blue and it troubles me to no end that I want to be by myself.  When I get this way, I listen to the song "Alone Again" by Dokken.

I know this song is about missing someone but I can connect with the part about being alone and lonely when  I feel troubled.  Talking about it without any solutions, only make things worse.  This is especially true when it's out of your hands.  It's a really helpless feeling that's been plaguing me a lot lately.  I really hate it.

Right now the lights are off and I'm sitting in my room.  Yes I'm alone again and what's troubling me still bothers me at this late hour.  The only solace the dark offers is the quiet which helps calm me down.  Still, I wish there was a solution to this situation that's troubling me.  That way I can stand being alone without having to worry over anything.

Within Reach: Just A Dream Away By Roger Daltrey

The internet connection today is a little weak.  It always at times when I'm free and because it delays whatever plans I have online.  Right now I know that what I am getting closer to reaping benefits of what I have been working on.  The fact that there are always these stumbling blocks that cause the delay is proof that I am on the right track and that I am also getting there.  When something is within reach, I remember the song "Just A Dream Away" by Roger Daltrey.

I remember this from the movie "McVicar".  What does this song teach me? Well, that making a dream into reality is easier said than done but if you're determined enough, it will happen.  You just have to be patient and boy have I been patient as well trend carefully to avoid making mistakes.  There will be a lot of annoying snags along the way but if you're determined enough, you will achieve it.  It's been a long time but I have stayed the course because I know something will happen.

Right now I am surfing the net to learn more about what I need to do.  There will be some disappointments but that's to be expected.  Even if it all comes tumbling down at the last second, I won't give up.  It's all out there so you just have to find it and grab it.  Like I said, it's easier said than done but I won't let that stop me.  It's just a dream away so I'll keep on going.

Just Keep On Going: Keep On Trucking By Eddie Kendricks

Woke up badly this morning.  Maybe it was due to getting stressed out yesterday only to be told do something the moment I reach the house.  Right now, I am still trying to get together because there things to do and as tired and stressed out as I am, they need to be finished.  I think I need a song to chase the negative vibes away and get my blood pumping to get things done.  I think Eddie Kendricks' song "Keep On Trucking" fits the bill.

I post a lot of songs about being able to get up and keep on going to help get me through when things not going my way.  It helps remind me that you're still alive so good things can still happen.  Apart from that, this makes me feel good at times when things fall apart on me.  Yesterday, I was so stressed out, that was the last straw that broke this camel's back.  Well, since there's no brew or herb, this song's the next best thing to relieve the stress.

When the day comes when I get my own car, this will be one of the songs on my driving list.  I'll listen to it full blast as I cruise down the open highway.  It also reminds me to keep on going no matter how bumpy the road gets.  Just keep on going till you reach the grand line.

The Forgotten Cartoon Dad: Wait Till Your Father Gets Home Opening

Keeping up with the Father's Day theme, I'm taking a little time out from my 24K songs for this post.  There are a lot of mature cartoons focusing on dysfunctional families with characters such as Stan Smith (American Dad), Peter Griffin (Family Guy) and of course Homer Simpson (The Simpsons) as well as a slew of other cartoon dads that  portray goofy fathers  who screw up all the time.  For me, however, their antics are no longer funny to the point that I don't think portray what a father should be.The only cartoon dad for me is Harry Boyle from "Wait Till Your Father Gets Home".  For this post, I added the opening jingle.

Harry was a conservative father who worked hard for his family's welfare.  As a father, he was strict but considerate with his children.  He always clashed with his children on certain issues but in the end, they would see the wisdom of his judgement.  Sometimes his family would drive him up the wall with their crazy ideas where he would often be the one who would suffer in the process.  Yet in the end, he would be the one who resolve all the issues like a father would in real life.

With today's cartoon dads. it's all about seeing only their views as well as washing their hands off or covering up the scene of the crime.  A lot of times, it's not about imparting wisdom but trying to look good even if they are getting annoying.  I'm starting to wonder if these people are mature enough to be a father.  That's why I miss Harry Boyle.  He was my ideal model of what a dad should be.

Longing And Hoping: California Blue By Roy Orbison

Not a day goes by when something always makes me worry.  Still, I have to wake up and face the day offers because there are things that need to be attended to.  Still, when time permits, I take a few moments to daydream.  When that happens, I think of a place where everything that I want and need is there and I am at peace.  Thinking and longing for such a place reminds me of Roy Orbison's song "California Blue".

I guess the reason why I feel this way is because of the all stress brought about certain developments as well as the usual hassles that everyday life brings you.  It's getting to me more and more that people keep telling that I have that faraway look on my face.  Some asks if you go out on trips to take the stress out?  Sure I do but most of the time, it's to place I don't want to go.  When I get back, I'm more stressed out than ever.

This doesn't I neglect the duties of the day.  It's the only thing that keeps my mind of my problems these days,  I do hope one day, I find myself in a place where everything that I want and the people I want to be with are there.  A place where there is no more stress and no worries.  Till then, I'll be hoping and longing as I get through the day.

For Those Who Miss Their Fathers: Ships By Barry Manilow

When it's May, we celebrate Mother's Day to show our appreciation to our mothers.  Now it's June and this time we celebrate Father's Day to honor our dads.  For me, Father's Day is now bittersweet because he isn't here anymore.  Since he passed away, he miss him a lot.  When I miss him, the song "Ships" by Barry Manilow comes to mind.

What was should  be a joyous occasion  is now one of sorrow because every time this day comes out, I remember the times that we had.  Sometimes you've been with your dad for so long that you would think he'll be there forever.  Alas, an accident took him away from us and that was blackest day of my life.  There are days when I still can't believe he's gone.  I really miss him a lot and I still wish he was here.

It's been two years now and a lot has happened.  We still get by but not a day goes by that I wish he was still with us.  When I see kids with there dads, I feel good and jealous at the same time.  I do so hope he's having a good time up there with my nanny and grandfather.  God bless you dad!

I See A Reflection: Mirror Man By Human League

As I've said before, I try not to judge people when they make a mistake.  I've made so many in my life that I Know I've no right to do such thing.  That's why when I look the mistakes that other people make, sometimes I see a reflection of myself doing the same mistakes in the past.  It keeps me grounded and reminds me to clean up my own yard before I criticize others.  Seeing the mistakes that I've done when I see others do them reminds me of the song "Mirror Man" by Human League.

There are lot of things that I have learned from making too many mistakes in my life.  One is that you are not the only one made that mistake.  Another is that when you see others going down that round, it's a reflection of what you did before.  Knowing what it feels like you shouldn't judge rather tell them what you've been through and the consequences that it brings. Don't be preachy about it because if you do, you won't help them.

I'm still trying to learn from my mistakes and when I see people doing the same thing, it's really hard for me to think of a way to help them.  I know I still have a lot to sort out.  All I could do is just voice my concern and help out any way that I can.  Hopefully, it will help out even if it's not much.  I do this because I see a reflection that I don't others to have.

I Will Always Believe In You: I Believe In You By Y & T

As we get by in life, we always credit people for being there for us.  They support through our efforts and cheer us in our triumph.  They are still there for us during our times of sorrow and they stop us from doing something foolish.  They do that because they believe in us.  When it comes to people who I believe in because they believe in me, the song "I Believe In You" by Y & T comes to mind.

These are the people who support me in times when everyone else laughed at me.  They were when I needed a shoulder to lean on.  They're the ones who snap me of an  illusion that would lead me to ruin.  That's why I live by what they have taught me because they cared.  I wouldn't have gotten this far without them.

As they were there for me, so will I be there for them.  I don't want to be no phony friend who's there when things are good only to scram when it all crumbles down.  Nobody's perfect and if they make a mistake, I would by them and counsel them as they have counseled me.  After all that they have done for me, it's the least that I can do.  They believe in me so I will always believe in them.

See The Hard Times Through: Hard Times By James Taylor

One of the reasons why I've been sick with worry is due to these unexpected bombs that have been happening.    This is the last thing that anyone needs especially now that times are hard.  It gets so hard that once it hits you, everything falls apart.  Still, you can't let that beat you.  No matter how hard it gets, you got to hold and see these through.  James Taylor's song "Hard Times" reminds me to keep it together when things are hard.

I say this because I want to dedicate this post to people who are having a hard time You it breaks my heart when people suddenly have tough.  With the way things are this is the last thing anyone wants to happen.  It's one of those times when someone pulls a dirty joke on you.  Still, you know what's at stake and knowing that, you won't back down.

Right now I remember the saying tough times don't last but tough people do.  Sometimes life isn't fair but we have to change things.  What is important is that we stick together and work it out.  For those who are doing that, you have my prayers.  Don't the hard times bring you don't.  Keep holding to each other and work as a team to see through it all.

Pounding From Worry: Be Still My Beating Heart By Sting

Whether I'm paranoid or superstitious, lately I can't get my heart to stop pound and it's not because of romance.   What I've learned lately has left me with no peace.  When I wake up in the morning, I hurry to work hoping to leave everything behind me.  Still, it gives me no peace as as the stress builds up making wonder when will this stop/.  This pounding on my chest reminds of the song "Be Still My Beating Heart" by Sting.

This millennium really sucks.  There was not a year where I really felt at peace.  If it wasn't one thing that turned my world upside down, it's another.  As always it happens when you think things are all right and then boom!  Sometimes this pounding gets so loud, I feel my chest tightening.  At my age, that only adds to the worry.

Some people say I worry too much over things that aren''t my problems.  Still, if something important, I can't help it.  I don't when this will be resolved but I hope it does.  That way my heart will be calm again  Until, then it's going to be struggle keeping it still..

It Gets Heavier By The Day: Weight Of The World

Whoever said the world is yours didn't know what would happen if it landed squarely on your shoulders.  Times sure are hard these days and when they get harder, you feel it weighing you down.  When you wake up, things happened and all of a sudden, you find the world pining you down.  It really tells you just how hard the world is these days.  When I think about all the burdens that weigh me down in this world I live in, the song "Weight Of The World" by Ringo Starr comes to mind.

If people say I look like I think too much, it's because just when I thought things will get better, a huge stone would just dropped on you out of nowhere.  I'm not going to say what that stone is but it sure put me on a new low.  It's bad enough that times are tough and now this.  I sometimes think that I'm being set up because as much as I try to just go about my business, something always happens that turns my world both heavy and upside down.

I don't if the Big G is testing us or if crap just happens.  All I know is that the world has just gotten heavier.  Man, that takes the smile  away from my face.  Well, I'm not going to let this get me down.  There is a light out of this dark tunnel and when I reach, maybe the weight might lighten up a little.

Reminds Me Of Work-Related Stress: Hard Day's Night By The Beatles

As much as I try to welcome the first day of the week, I feel too weary to do so.  This is due to the many unpleasant surprises that I get both day and night.  Still, you have to get up and face what the day has to offer.  No matter what it brings, what matters is that  you get the job done.  The Beatles' song "Hard Day's Night" reminds me of the how weary we all get whenever we get stressed from the daily grind.

I guess the stress is starting to get to me again.  The nasty surprises have once again sprung up on me.   Even the day has turned into night, it still gets to me.  The only difference between me and the song is that there is no one to go home to make me feel all right.  Only when the sleep kicks in do I finally get some relief.

Still, that doesn't mean that I don't like my job.  I do like it but when you get pressure from both work and at home, it takes its toll on you.  I guess that's life as you take the good and the bad.  Well this is about to end and another day is on the way. It's going to be another stressful day at work that will continue until the fall of night.

Still Looking Forward To That Day: Someday Soon By The Gin Blossoms

Sometimes I can be so stubborn.  This is because a lot of times, I was pleasing a lot of people, I gave up on the things that would've made my life complete.  Right now I'm working with whatever I can and so far things are slow.  Still I have hope that the day will come when all of this will pay off.  Look forward to that day reminds me of the song "Someday Soon" by The Gin Blossoms.

The hard part about getting older is that your options start to disappear one by one.  This is due to bad decisions or failing to seize an opportunity that could have been good for you. Still, you made your choice and even though it was the wrong choice, you have no one to blame but yourself.  That said, you still have choice to no matter how limited they are.  You take what's left and do your best and if other people made it through, so can you.

Well, right now I am still working on it.  There are lot of obstacles and a lot of things to learn.  It's an uphill battle but still believe.  I just need to learn to do what needs to be done.  But when that day comes when this pays off, I know  I did the right thing and that's why I'm still looking forward to that day which I know will be soon.

Getting More Paranoid: I Think I'm Paranoid By Garbage

A few years ago, I wrote a post on my blog about being paranoid at certain times at my life.   I wrote about how I get so paranoid, I thought my heart would burst.  Once again, the feeling has crept up to me.  I won't into the specifics but when I feel something's not right, the warning start clanging with a vengeance.I guess Garbage's song "I Think I'm Paranoid" is a good song for this post.

Ever since that black incident way back then, I have always had to look over my shoulder to see if there's trouble a head.  Just when I it's clear sailing, a bomb suddenly explodes and find myself on the floor both dazed and devastated.  I don't even have the time to get a grip.  The worst part of it all is that it affects everybody and I feel helpless about it.

As I've mentioned in yesterday's post, there's always a calm before the storm.  Well, things were calm and then it exploded.  I guess it means I could never let my guard down. Am I paranoid?  Sadly, I guess the answer is yes.

That Darn Dark Cloud: Langit By Juan Dela Cruz Band

Well, the rain sure is pouring and the nights are definitely getting colder.  It's a sign that the summer is finally over.  Still,little did I know that the dark clouds that the rainy season would bring would also bring another round of crisis.  I won't what it is but it seems that every at the sky, even it's clear, I see ominous dark clouds that  will whip one heck of a storm here.  When those ominous clouds start to hover over me, the song "Langit" by The Juan Dela Cruz Band comes to mind.

This millennium has not been kind to me or my family.  If it's not one kind of crap, it's another and every time that happens, it's worse than the one before it.  When these things happen they can an emotional toll on everyone.  Whoever said that there's a calm before the storm is definitely right.  Sometimes I wonder just how long this annoying cloud is going to keep harassing me cause I'm starting to feel that there's no end in sight.

Right now I am fighting the urge not to give in to this annoying black cloud.  Despite gloom and rain that it brings, this will pass.  I guess I have to keep the faith and plow through the murky field no matter how tough things get.  Still, this really weighs heavily on me and there's no other way but to bear it through this chapter. It's a real downer at how dark the clouds are for me, while it's clear for others.

Looking Back At My Life As I Grow Older: Old Man By Neil Young

Every time I write a post on this blog, it makes me realize the things that I have and have not done in my life.  It also makes me realize that I missed out on a lot of things and teaches me what happens when time is starting to catch up with you.  Before you know it, you find yourself on the porch on a chair staring blankly as the world passes you by. When your time has passed, you get that tired look in your eye as you wait for your time to pass.  When I see my life passing before my eyes and wondering if it was worth, the song "Old Man" by Neil Young comes to mind.

One reason why I chose this song was because I remember dreaming that I saw my late grandfather and I was so happy I embraced and he was smiling.  I guess it's because compared to me, he had a full life.  He's been around the world and tried everything that a man would want to try during his lifetime.  That's why I guess it was hard to him during final year where I took care of him as best as I could cause that liveliness was gone.  Still, when he died, he led a full life and not many people have been blessed to do all that they and be what they want to be in their lifetime.

Compared to him, I still have a long way to go and time is either catching up with or worse is now passing me by.  The fact that I see white strands on my hair and beard is proof of this and yet  I feel so lost and unfulfilled.  Well, the sun hasn't set on me yet so I guess there's still time do the things I missed out on.  I know the time will come when I'll another old man.  I just that I will accept what my life has become when that time comes.

Good Sleep, Good Dream: In Dream By Roy Orbison

With all the stress and pressure bearing down on me, a good night's sleep is the only luxury and refuge is the only thing that I have.  After a hectic day, I just close my eyes and let go of all those things that wore me out.  If, I'm lucky the sheets are new and the wind is strong which helps put me to la la land much faster.  It gets better when I good dream is thrown in the mix.  A good night and a good dream reminds me of Roy Orbison's song *In Dreams".

You know that you're getting a good sleep when you start having a good dream.  Like a lot of other people, I've had my share of good dreams.  One of my favorites was meeting that special someone and settling down just in those romance films.  It was so real and I felt so at peace, that when I woke and realized it was just a dream, I really felt bad.

Well a dream can only lasts for so long.  Unfortunately reality has a very rude way of waking you up.  That's when you oversleep and rush to the shower in the hopes of getting to work on time.  Oh well, when the day's over just get a shower and a good nights rest.  That way you can go back to paradise even if it's only in dreams.