Whether I'm at work or at home, my mind is being riddled with questions and I feel the stress affecting me everyday. After another long terrible period, I can't help but fear that I'm reliving my life in the same way as I have in the past. I try hard and do what I can not to repeat the mistake that got me into trouble and place me at the bottom of the barrel. Right now, things are not okay around here. I don't want to mention why because it's too personal and painful to mention it. Some people say you can't fight fate and if I don't make changes in my life my worst fears will be realized: getting into another long and terrible cycle of ups and downs with more downs than ups. When those feelings of dread creep up to me, I remember the song "Slip Sliding Away" by Simon And Garfunkel.
I can relate with every part about this song: a martyred husband; an unfulfilled wife; an absentee father and asking God why? When people depend on you too much to the point of feeding on you, it really feels that you are wasting away. When you think of things that might have been all the time, you really know you got problems. Not being able to be with people you care about can really break your heart. Sure we go about our chores and duties everyday, but at the back of our heads we ask the Almighty "What's The Plan?" when we wonder why things keep going that way.
Right now things are tough on everybody and I'm feeling all of the above. I don't want to complain because there's a difference between whining and letting it out. What I want to do find a way out of this funk. I know there's got to be a solution to this and I hope I find it fast. I want to change my life not only for myself but for my family as well. I just God listens and meets me half way cause despite the wrong decisions or indecisions, I'm trying because I don't want to experience that anymore because it'll be the end of me if I do.
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