A blogsite dedicated to 99.5 rt's 24k program which plays the best songs from the 60's, 70's, 80's and 90's!!! I use these songs to reflect my views on life as well as the memories of the past.
Just when I thought I was already stressed out from everything that's been happening around here, I get hit with another bomb. Just when stress thermometer was going down, it suddenly shot up again, driving me into panic mode. Then I stop myself and try to get it together. I remember that no matter nasty the things life throws at you get, chill out then work it out. I have to John Lee Hooker (together with Carlos Santana) for his song "Chill Out" for reminding me of that.
A long time ago, I stayed positive no matter what life threw at me. I always remained positive but these days, I feel at I am at the edge. At the back of my head, a voice is to hold on.. Dear God, I am trying my best. It isn't easy cause life is throwing everything at me including the kitchen sink.
They say that there isn't a problem that the Good Lord won't give you that you can't handle. All I know is that I am doing the best that I can. The problems keep pouring in and I try to handle it but it sure is tough. I just hope that the solution won't be far away. Till then, I'll just chill.
Well it rain hard last night and the window wiper broke down. It was good thing we were still able to make it back home despite the heavy downpour. Still, I feel a little down that this summer brought out a lot of heat and everything we worked so hard for fell apart. I wish things could've been different so we could have at least enjoyed the remaining days of summer. One that I would've listened to if things were different would be George Benson's "Breezin".
If things were different, we would have been celebrating like crazy. A week off to some outing would have been the icing on the cake. Watching the sun while relaxing in some shady place taking comfort down south. Man, we were so excited because it was within our grasp. Sadly, fate dealt a different hand and before we knew it, things went up in smoke. I guess all that I got left is this song which I was listening to last night to get the stress out before I went to bed.
Right now I am still weighing my options as well as trying to ensure that things keep on going. It's no fun sleeping and waking up with pressure on you everyday. I just pray that things get better and that I make the right choice when the time comes. Right now I am listening to this song to relax and as well as dwell on what the summer could have been. I just wish we could have enjoyed this summer rather than be apprehensive till June.
Well I feel that another era is about to end and now I suddenly find myself at another crossroads of my life. I've been in this situation before not once but twice. It was really due to the choices I made or didn't make. Now that I've been put in this position again, I really need to think things thoroughly. I just hope I do it right this time around. As I write this post, I am listening to Aimee Mann's song "Wise Up".
I feel like I've been trying to get it right for a long time. I still the pain from making the wrong decisions and I still remember what I through because if it. This time around, other as well as me are in the spot because of a cruel twist of fate. Apart from that, I've been getting a lot of suggestions as to what I should do. Well I am no trying to be practical as to how I make my decision. Being sentimental got me nowhere last time.
Right now I'm trying to chill just to get some peace of mind. I haven't had any for a long time now. Apart from that, I am also trying to find a way to make money online as a means of additional income. I haven't been doing very well at that either but I keep on trying. In between pauses, I am looking outside the house while listening to this song. Here's hoping that I wise this time around.
One of the worst nightmare's I've every had was when I was dreaming I was in my grandfather's room and it was dark. Suddenly it got darker and it took over the whole room and I felt the darkness sucking me in and I was calling out for help. Next thing I knew I woke up in beads of sweat despite the fact that the air condition was on. It was one of those bad dreams that you won't forget. That's just one of the reasons why I am using the song "I See Darkness" by Johnny Cash for this post.
Apart from that bad dream, another reason why I started listening to this song was because of these black years that have brought me nothing but bad news. Just when things look all sunny, the darkness comes out nowhere and casts a dark shadows. Even when times where great, there was no escaping it. It's a if you had too much of a good time and now it's time to bear the hardships. Ever since 2000, not a year goes by without that darkness casting itself here.
Right now I'm just trying to get by as the darkness starts to spread itself in each year. Even when you try to prepare yourself, it just hits you and hits you hard. If there's a wish that I want granted is that this bad cloud be expunged from me. Till then, I have no choice but to accept the unacceptable. It's downer but then again that's life.
Back in the day when you didn't cable to watch good shows, one my favorite comedy programs was M.A.S..H. It was adapted from the 70's movie about medics in the Korean War and how they cope with the pressures of war and taking care of the wounded. A lot of times they poke fun at the higher ups as their way of expressing their resentment about this war. every episode always made me laugh. Apart from the good script where I always find myself laughing at every episode, I also liked the opening song. The title was called "Suicide Is Painless".
Why did I remember this song all of a sudden? Apart from being a good song to listen to. I guess dwelling on my current situation made me remember it again. Don't get me wrong. I'm not contemplating on the suicide or anything rash. I am against suicide but to admit I am still frustrated not at what's happened but also because I find myself at another situation where I am placed in a state of uncertainty. I have to admit it lets the air out of me.
As I said earlier, one thing I won't do is the suicide part. If I do that, I'd give in to the pressures and thus have lost. I don't want someone talking down my grave and saying "You didn't have the guts to keep on going". Still, right now I really feel down about how things are going. I just hope that I turn things around while I still can.
Man, I'm still feeling down about what happened this last two weeks and a lot of people still feel the same way. Apart from that, I'm also stressed out about other developments that are still giving me a headache, Seems like life doesn't want to give me a break and that's why I am in a sullen and annoyed mood right now. What I'd give for a little time out to just to forget about this for even a moment. Wishing for a precious moment where I can just forget about all this reminds me of the song "Comfortably Numb" by Pink Floyd.
Whether it's a herb or a brew or both, I could sure use it right now. Nothing's going right and life always making me accept crap and I'm sick of it. Right now as I listen to this song, part of me wants to escape somewhere to just get away from it all. It has to be a place where I feel good and of my own choosing. If not, I won't feel good and it'll be just like being dragged to some awful place where I to pretend I like it only to feel sick deep inside.
Sometime no matter how well we carry ourselves despite life's pressures, there are times we need to get away. i'm already missing the "two-butts" sessions where we would wind down and get to know each other as well as have fun. This is a very bleak future I face. That's why I long for those precious moments where you can escape reality even if it's only for a moment. It helps you face life once you get a grip even when your comfortably at bliss just like this song.
It's been two weeks since the bomb was dropped and I still have that shock in my system. This week I had a hard time trying to keep my bum mood in check. As annoyed as I am, I make it a point not to spread it around cause everyone else would also feel bad. Glad it's the weekend and right now I am trying to think happy thoughts to give me some comfort. One song that I'm listening to just to get some cheer into my soul is Lee Ritenour's "Dream Walking".
I've been going up and down Youtube to find this gem because every time I hear it, it calms me down along with my other 24K tunes. When I hear this song play, it takes me to a special place where I can be at peace. Either the beach during the sunset with drink in my hand and fine lady at my side or at some classy joint enjoying fine dining with your dream companion. As I listen, relaxation starts to set in and even for a moment, a smile appears on my face. That's how good this song is when you want to relax.
Sadly reality will once again come knocking at my door and I will deal with the cold hard facts regarding the hand that I was dealt with. Well that's life and there's no escaping the crap it throws at you. All I can do is consider my options and I hope I chose the right one this time. Until then I'll just listen to this song and other tunes like it to help me through this storm. Just brave the situation and think happy thoughts no matter how hard it gets.
I remember a scene from the movie "Cross Roads" where Jami Gertz's character leaves Ralph Macchio's character and he tries to chase after her but was too late. To add to his woes, Joe Seneca's character tells him that there was no missing song by Robert Johnson. Yet he also tells him that he had talent for the blues and at that point he starts to play his guitar to chase his blues away. The rain was heavy but the riffs were cool. If I remember right he played "Feelin Bad Blues" by Ry Cooder from the movie's sound track.
I started listening to this song lately to chase away my own blues. I have to admit I still bad about what happened last week and the uncertainty that it has created has been hanging heavily on my mind. The feeling that everything's slipping away and having no control over it can really sink your spirits to a new low. It reminded of the helpless feeling that I had during those dark days as well as brings back the fears that those days are here again. It's a bummer to admit but it sure makes me feel bad.
Right now I'm still weighing my choices and weighing them carefully. It's kinda hard to that when your heart's heavy but it has to be done. I just hope that things work out in the end. At the moment, I need some respite from all this chaos. Feeling bad can do that to a person.
Right now I'm still a little shell-shock from what happened this whole week. Nobody wanted it to happened but sadly it did. Still, we can stand still forever. It's best that we start packing up and make the necessary tasks to start a new. Having that thought in mind is the reason why I chose the song "Picking Up The Pieces" by The Average White Band".
What is like getting hit flush in the jaw and and your whole body goes numb as the blow overrides your entire being. Yet even as the world starts to turn and and pain sets in, part of your mind is still conscious. Even as you get up and the fight's over, you have to find the strength to accept what's happened, learn from it and move on. Right now that's what I and others who got hit by this bad news are trying to do. It's not easy considering the gravity of the situation that we are in. Still, you better move or spend another cycle of misery.
What I said in the last sentence of the paragraph reflects the bad times that I went through in the past. Going through it twice was really painful that I still can't forget what I went through and how I felt back then. That's why I need to start planning to avoid going through that again. This second half of the year is going to be very tough. I just hope we all pull through before it ends.
The development that happened last week is still deep in my mind. Once again I find myself at the crossroads where I have to make a decision on where I go from here. The last two times got me falling into a deep abyss. Just because I've made through two storms that doesn't mean that I wanna go through it again. That's why I want to make sure that I make the right decision this time around. As I ponder what to do, I am listening to the song "This Time" by Al Jerreau.
Like a lot of 24K tunes, this helps me relax and puts my mind at ease when everything in my world has been turned upside down. Anyway, going back to the latest thorn in my side, right now I am trying to get over the shock of what happened. There are so many suggestions but everything is up in the air and nothing has been confirmed. After making so many wrong choices, I wanna make sure that I do right THIS TIME around. That's why I am seriously checking each and every options that are available to ensure that things go smoothly when the verdict is out.
Right now I am again listening to this song as I look the window and take comfort in the darkness of the night. I'm still trying to get myself ready once my choice is made. There still a month and two weeks to go but I have to be ready before then. I don't what the future brings but I hope this around all of us could get a break. May things work for the best when I make my choice this time around.
Well the transition from summer to rainy season has now begun. Just when you think it's going to be a hot day, a down pour comes out of nowhere and you have to run for cover till stops then it gets hotter as the heat from the concrete starts to rise up due to the rain. Right now I am oblivious to it because of what happened this past few weeks. After all that'sst past, I wouldn't mind walking in the rain. That's the reason why I'm the song "Walking In The Rain" by The Ronnettes for this post.
Throughout the previous week, each and everyone of us felt like we were shot in the chest with a shotgun at point blank range. Even now we're still shocked at what happened. It's been a long time since I felt this paralyzed yet I have never forgotten how crippling and how scary it hits you. Everywhere I look, the facial expressions are the same. To add insult to injury, the rain starts pouring when you're about to go home.
Well right now, I'm just preparing for the worse. I went through crap twice and I don't want to go through that again. I just hope I make through this storm and that others around me do the same. It's gonna be a heavy rainy season. I guess I have no choice but to brave the down pour till storm has passed.
I arrived early at work as usual and punched in the clock as proof that I'm here already. After signing the log book, I sat on my desk and the questions start flooding in my head. The routine has been shattered and the changing of the guard has left an air of uncertainty in this place. It's a sad reminder that nothing is certain in this world. Listening to the song "Can't Be Sure By The Sundays" reinforces that fact.
Last week, the news hit us so hard, we just stared at each other because we were so shocked at how things turned out. Those who could speak, kept asking why did this happen. All I know is I am facing an uncertain future and I am not alone. None of us are confident of our future at the moment. Everything is up in the air with our fates in the balance.
As I've blogged before, I am just preparing for the worse. Getting my papers ready and keeping my fingers crossed while doing so. The last three years were a blast and I really like the guys I was working with. I just hope we all make it through. No matter how uncertain things are, I'll do my best to make through these hard times.
Whether it's morning or evening, I see the same thing every time I face the mirror. What do I see? Simply a tired and worn guy who's getting older and still trying to get his act together. Can't believe that it's been so long and I still can't get it right. Whenever I get that thought as I face the mirror, the song "Mirror, Mirror" by Dokken comes to mind.
I see a tired and weary face every time I look at the mirror. Tired from all the efforts that I put in and weary from stressed when you come up empty. I guess it's because I can't relax anymore as problems pile up and the temptation of regretting what could've been haunts my thoughts these days. The white hairs that start to sprout in hair and beard are starting to multiply are signs that time has passed me by and I have to make do with what's left. Not a very flattering thing to see.
Still, despite what I see, I still keep going. The thought that there are still things that I can do and that I'm still here means that there things that are attainable. I just have to keep hanging in there. It's not a very pretty sight I every time I look in the mirror but then again it's still what I am and for better or worse I have to accept it.
Well the weekend has finally arrived. The fact that I opened my eyes at around 9:00 am is proof of that since I usually get a heck of a lot earlier during week days. Still, even though it's a rest day it still does not give me any comfort. This is because I'm still shell-shocked from what happened this past week. How I feel is bests summed up in the song "Shocked" by Martha Davis And The Motels.
I thought things were going to go smoothly as planned and I looked forward to seeing a great victory. Those hopes were dashed when I received a phone call late in the evening informing me that things have taken a bad turn. I was so full of anxiety that I couldn't sleep and had left the house very early. When I arrived, my deepest fears had come true. This was confirmed late in the day and we all went home with heavy hearts.
Right now I face an uncertain future as the situation had gone from bad to worse. Everything is hanging in the air as we try to make sense of the chaos that blew up on our faces. In light of this development, I am considering my options on what I must do and will start taking the necessary steps to do it. It's a rough year getting rougher. Getting shocked doesn't help either.
Just when things couldn't get any worse, they already did. Last Monday, I received some news that made my knees buckle. I turned pale and couldn't sleep and the fact that people were light of the situation only annoyed me further. The next day, what I heard last night confirmed my deepest fears. The looks on people's faces made it very clear. The way the news hit all of us very hard reminds of the song "Everybody Down On Me" by Lightin Hopkins.
Everywhere I looked, the answer was the same. Nobody had the strength to speak or talk about it. All you could hear were the would've or could'ves. Some offered their own explanation on what happened but it did little to ease the pain. As the clock struck 5:00 pm, we left with our heads hung low as the rain clouds started to form and the smell of water filled the air. It was if we were shot and our souls left our bodies. It was a hollow and empty feeling that I have never forgotten and to feel it again really hurts.
Right now, there so many problems that we have been dealing with and now another one has come along which only serves to knock me hard on my chest. Once again I have to dust up a few sheets and make a few calls. This is going to be another dark year. Just when I thought that things were going to get better, they got worse. It really hit us all very hard.
I know it's childish to say this for once I wish that a dream would come true. These past few years have been very rough. Nothing good been's happening while bad things keep coming. It's been a long time since something really good happened. Makes you want to wish on a star in the hopes that at least one good dream would come to life. As I write this, I am listening to Paul Williams' song "Save Me A Dream".
All these hassles is making me remember when I was young. I had so many dreams back then but I learned the hard lesson that having dreams and making them come true are two different things. Wrong decisions and pressure led to the demise of those dreams. Right now I'm trying to save whatever I can and with the way the world is, that's getting harder and harder. Once they're gone, you can never get them back especially when time has passed you by.
Still, they say that when you're alive, you can still make your dreams come alive. You just have to man up and work hard. I know it's easier said than done but if you want them to come true, you have to be ready to do just that. It's been a long time since I felt really good. I just hope that one would come true. That would make my day.
A lot of times I blog about those dark days when everything's down. If there was one bright spot during those tough moments, it was when certain people help ease my pain. These people helped me through my dark days when I thought there would be no end. I can never thank them enough for coming to my side when times were tough. Remembering the help they gave reminds me of the song "I'm By Your Side" by Angela Bofill.
These people gave me comfort when there was none to be found. From my brothers and my parents who gave me a pep talk when I was in despair. To my former office mate Jovy who always kept in touch with me and still does. Online friends such as John, Jenny and others who followed my blog and help me continue to write to this day. To my old buddies Jay and Iñaki who always light up the party every time we share a brew and talk about old days, you guys are all the best.
Having someone by your side is a great thing. These people were for you when times were tough and you must never take that for granted. When the time comes, be there for them as well. Help them the way they help you because such aid is a precious gift. That's why I'm on their side because they were on mine.
Though the Chinese New Year has passed this year, I always remember those charms that vendors would sell to us every time, it comes around. Stuff those coins that were joined together, some cats and other trinkets. If I remember right, each is said to provide some sort of luck for its owner for this year. I guess people whowho sell them must be making some profit cause there some out there who just can't do without because it brings them luck or so they believe. That thought came into my mind after listening to the song "Lucky Charm (Ooh " Wee Suzy)" by The Stray Cats.
Although some people brush if off as superstition, there are some people who firmly believe in lucky charms, It can be a piece of clothing or an accessory that they've must've used when they struck it big. Since then, they carry it with them whenever something important is coming up. It can even be a person like Suzy in the song who gives them good luck whenever they are with that person. Athletes wouldn't play without their lucky accessory and businessmen wouldn't go through any deals if there charms aren't with them during a transaction because they wouldn't feel confident or secure without them.
It works for some people and doesn't work for others. I guess some people are just lucky. I wish I was that lucky. Oh well, I guess I just have to keep working on it. For those whose lucky charms have delivered for them, I bet they'd be buried with it. They just can't do without it.
I remember the first time I saw white hair on my beard and in my sideburns. It was an indication that I was really getting old . The fact that it was now more prominent and multiplying really reminded me that my time is now past. For a guy who still can't get it right, that sure is depressing. With so much uncertainty, I wonder if I'll ever make it to my sixties and if I do, will I have getting act straightened out by then? Asking that question reminds me of the song "When I'm 64" by The Beatles.
Those thoughts have been weighing heavily on me lately. Having had so much disappointments as well having a hard time making ends meet as well as seeing dreams crumble to dust is the reason for it. Apart from that, things just keep getting tougher and tougher. Just when the year started out well, things happen and problems just get dumped on you ruining your outlook. I'm starting to wonder if I am going to make it my sixty's.
I know this is supposed to be a love song where the couple asks if they will still be together at 64. For single and stressed out guy, I'm wondering if I'll get stable or at least have peace of mind by then. So many questions but no clear answers in sight. Oh well, if I want to make to that age, I guess I better eat right and work hard. If I do that, I might reach my seventies or eighties.
Well the weekend's here again and it's no ordinary weekend. This is because we are celebrating Mother's Day. On this day, we honor our mothers who brought us into this world and continue to love us no matter what we do or how old we get. Still, sometimes we don't do our mothers right, especially when we make mistakes and don't tell them. We can't tell them because we don't want them to worry eventually they would know and would do all that they can to help us cause they care. Since it's Mother's Day, I feel the song "Tell Mama" by Savoy Brown would be appropriate for this post.
Nobody's perfect and there are times when we do things behind our mothers backs because we know that they wouldn't approve and we just couldn't resist.When we do so, that's when things go wrong and we find ourselves in a mess of trouble. Still, these things have a way with getting back to our mothers and since we are their children, they would always intervene. They do so because they are always concern about us. If they weren't they wouldn't be mothers.
As we celebrate Mother's Day, let keep that thought in mind. It's not fair to cause our mothers trouble after all they went through for us. You only keep secrets because you know it's either risky or wrong. In the end, we all go back to our mothers when things get rough because they are the only ones who'd stand by us when things fall apart. So on this day, let's show our love for them. They do so for us everyday even when there are things we don't tell them.
Just got back from work today and boy am I glad it's Friday. Another stressful week has past and once again I feel drained. It's another reminder of just how hard and mean this world is. As I try to get some rest I wonder if anything really good is going to happen. All I know is that the world is a mean place that's getting meaner. That's why I'm using T-Bone Walker's song "Mean Old World" for this post.
So far, if there's anything that's been happening around here it's all bad and plenty of it. Every time I'm starting to feel good, something happens that takes that away from me. This week proves no different as I had trouble sleeping not only from the heat but also from problems that that give me no peace awake or asleep. The good side from being tired is that it may get me sleepy enough to put my mind at ease. Waking up the next day is another story as I face what this mean world has to offer.
Despite being down, I don't take for granted that there have been some good things that have happened. This things have helped eased some things that should have been resolved a long time ago. I guess it's a sign that other things will be resolved eventually as well. Till then, I'll just keep doing what I have to do. It's the only to keep with this mean old world.
I remember a friend of mine who insisted on buying a laptop that he can use for both work and for his own personal activities. His parents tried to dissuade him by saying that they got a new computer and they planned to give him the old laptop that was still running in good condition. He refused and bought the laptop that he had his eyes on for a long time. When asked why he still bought it, he said not only is it a new and fast model, it's something that I can call my own. That's something that I can both understand and relate to. That feeling to want to have something to call your own reminds me of Stanley Calrke's song "Got To Find My Own Place".
When you start acquiring things through your own means, it's a sign that you are now on your way to becoming an independent person. You get to buy what you want and do what you want through your own means. You feel that you are truly in control of your life. Pretty soon, you know what your place is in this world. When you establish that you have your own identity and you are your own person. You are finally independent.
These days it's getting harder and harder to do that. They say our economy is now getting better but only few reap the benefits. Given that kind of scenario, it's hard to find your own place in this world. Still, if you are determined, then you will eventually attain. Keep at it till you get it and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
I remember back when I was a teenager, I saw the movie version of "Fiddler On The Roof" and one of my favorite scenes there was when he started singing the song "If I Were A Rich Man". This scene just came to my head because every time I read the paper, the news claims that the economy is booming but everybody's broke and unemployed. Sometimes it makes you wonder what you can do if you were rich. That's the reason why I'm going that song for today's post.
If I had money, I would divide it evenly with my mother and brother's, giving a little bit more to those who have families because I want to help them take care of the kids. With my share, my first step is to clear all debts then buy car for my mom so she can go places and maybe one for myself. I'd contribute more to the expenses around here and the remainder I would probably spend on martial arts lessons as well as anime and save for a rainy day. Basically that's it that I would do if I had a lot of cash at hand. I guess I just want all of us to enjoy the wealth.
Sadly, that's wishful thinking and like that main character, I often wonder if it's not my destiny. Well, I still do what can and save up what I can prioritizing the things that keep this place going. Well we all can use a little something and that's what I'm working hard on. That's the sad reality of it all. Still the things that I can improve if I had some extra cash or better yet if I was wealthy man.
Sometimes when I go around my old haunts, I am struck by how much things have changed. What strikes me more is how fast it changes. It changes so much that I don't recognize the places that I use to hang around as a kid. Now that I'm getting older, I'm beginning to how it use to be and the realization that it's gone sure makes me feel sad. The song "Already Yesterday" by The Church sure stirs up the memories of the way things use to be and how fast things change with time.
Life use to be real simple back then as there were fewer but it was still fun because all your friends were there and you knew all the sights. Even if there wasn't much money, there was always a way to enjoy things. You knew were to go and you always knew what the "in" places were. Nowadays when I go there, it's like I'm on a different planet. Everything I knew is gone or renovated and what use to be a vibrant and in place is now old and deserted.
When you realize that those places are now longer there, you know your time has past. It now belongs to a new generation. The worst part about it is that I can't relate to the changes anymore. I guess that's the reason you tend to stay home more when you get older. It's incredible how time flies and how things have changed. All you've got left is a memory.
Today is the first day of May and though summer has only one month left, it hasn't stopped students as well as employees on their vacation from soaking up some sun. This is the second and people are now more restless than ever. There's just one left before they go back to the grind. With that in mind, they're gonna catch as much sun as they possibly can. For obvious reasons, I am using the song "Catching The Sun" by Spyro Gyra for this post.
With the start of this month, I'm not surprised that everybody's out somewhere to beat the heat or soak up in it. Apart from the Labor Day holiday, this is the second part of the summer but part of that will be spent of school preparations as well. Some are probably splashing around in some pool or at the beach. Those who are at the beach are either swimming, surfing strapped to a parachute or riding some banana boat. Some are content to go around the malls or some arcade while the bros and the buds are probably laughing up with some old stories while having a brew/
Right now I'm not catching the sun but feeling the heat. Campaign season is starting and we're working our butts off so we can pull off another successful campaign. For those of you who are doing the things mentioned above, enjoy your summer to the fullest. Have fun but make sure you're protected. Summer only comes around once a year so do what you can with the people you like.
Life hasn't been too good lately cause things just keep getting worse. Apart from the nasty surprises I get everyday, I still fight my private war which is really trying to get my life in order. I hate to admit but after so many disappointments and failures, there times when I feel either caged or shackled and I really hate it. Despite, I am determined to break these restraints and hopefully get it right. One song that inspires me to that end is Sound Garden's "Rusty Cage".
Even if we walk freely there are times deep inside there are these shackles or cages that keep down. These invisible restraints are stress, disappointment, failure, insecurity and all the negative things that keep us down. For me, it's more of disappointments when you work so hard to build something only to have it fall apart or to come up with nothing. Still, no matter hard it gets and despite the odds, I still keep trying cause I am determined to get things right. As I keep saying my post, other people have done it and so can I.
So far it hasn't been easy and to add to my woes, no problems have sprouted and the old ones just keep getting worse. Still, I plow on because it's out here. It won't be given to me and I have to work hard for it. That's why I listen to this song and others like it because it keeps me determined to break these shackles and I know someday that will happen. Till then, I'll just have to keep on going and hang tough.
A lot of recurring themes in my posts is also about just driving away and leaving it all behind. The reasons for this is too just get away to get some peace of mind or to find that which I have lost. I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of people are doing that this summer cause there comes a point in our lives that we need to have some time clear the cobwebs out of our minds and a road is one the things that can do that. Apart from that, a change of scenery would do us good, especially after a having a day. Another good that I would listen to when and not if I do this would be Bob Seger's "Roll Me Away".
Just listened to this song a few days ago and boy did it make me feel good. This is one of those songs that inspire to just get on your car or better yet bike, step on the gas and just leave everything behind. Just go where the open road takes you, mingle with other people and appreciate the sights. And if you need to take a pause, just gaze at the landscape and inspiration takes a hold of you like a light in the dark (I got that from the part where he saw that young hawk in the sky). When you feel invigorated or better yet sanctified, that' when you know the trip was worth it.
I know I've been blogging a lot of about wanting to do this sort of thing and I wouldn't be surprised if someone would ask me why haven't I done it yet? Well right now there are a lot of things that need to be attended to. I just wanna make sure that I get fix to at least a level where I know I can all behind for a while. I know problems won't go away but there are some things that really require one's attention and support. Mark my words though, one day I will do this. Hopefully, not only will I enjoy myself but also in the process, finds the answers I seek.
My looking out for bad signs has got me really paranoid lately. Cal me crazy but I just can't get through the day without thinking that something's going to happen and will just bring me down. Even when I'm starting to feel good, something happens and takes away the smile from my face. Whether I expect trouble or not, that feeling dread always puts me down everyday. That feeling is the reason why I am adding the song "Everyday I Have The Blues" by Joe Williams.
There's no hiding from it. The only solace that I can get is either before the day breaks or when the night starts. Everything in between gives me that paranoid feeling of fair game. Just when I'm about to enjoy life a little is when the bad news pops up as if to deny me any joy. When it happens, I feel like someone just shot me in me in chest and my legs give out. In the end, all I can do is give a rueful sigh.
That's the reason why the early mornings and the late evenings are now my favorite times. At that point everything has been said and done. My friend who I bumped into while I was at the market told me I'm taking it too hard. Maybe she's right but some thing's can really bear down on you especially if it concerns that which matters to you the most. I just hope things improve and something good would happen for once. These every day blues are really bringing me down.
I keep blogging about the bad times I experience to remind myself not to fall for the same trap again. Though I try to move with my life, a part of me remains vigilant to the point of being paranoid because I don't to go through that again. Sometimes you don't even know it but one false step and you might wind up heading for a deep fall. When you do fall, it's a long hard climb to get back up. This is the reason why I chose the song "Fall" by A Flock Of Seagulls for this post.
As I've said before, I had my share of bad times and who hasn't. Still, being broke and abandoned is a terrible feeling that has left me paranoid. These days I look for signs that might lead to another fall. Things like situation at work, finances, etc. I do what I can and try to avoid impulsive actions that I might regret later on. Even when I look relax, that fear of another fall always hangs heavily on my head.
As I've said before, this is a situation that I don't want to wish on anybody. I know how it feels and I don't want to go through it again. If there's anything that I can offer people is to be careful of their actions. You never when it will happen. This is true when you are on a roll thinking that nothing can go wrong. All of a sudden it does and before you know it, you're falling down.
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