Yesterday I was watching a scene from the first season of the series "The Shield" where Dutch solved a case but later cried in the end because the suspect got under his skin.  Well that scene reminds of the times people got under my skin and I'll tell you it wasn't a pleasant experience.  It leaves you with a feeling that you've just been killed or worse violated.  It leaves you feeling empty like a discarded bottle and you need to be alone to get over it.  I don't why but it made feel like listening to this song called "No More Rhyme" by Debbie Gibson.

I won't go into details as I sank to new lows but one thing's for sure when that happens, it really hits me hard.  I know about the issues that I need to deal with and not a day goes by when I am not reminded of it.  Why am I or anyone for that matter get so stubborn about it? I guess it's simply because a lot of times I've been following what other say and after getting swayed by them, I still wind up on the losing end.  I know time is of the essence but these days I want to succeed at something that I want to do and there's very little of that left.  Yet when I can never escape the scrutiny and when it hits me, it's a bitter pill to swallow.

Right now as much I am trying to take this constructively, it still riles me.  To have this hanging over me is like being branded with the scarlet letter that will always makes me an easy target.  I guess I'm listening to this song cause I'm in a sad mood right now.  Hopefully, I can finally reap the efforts of what I am showing and everything will be resolved.  Till then, I'm listening to this sad song as I lick my wounds.  I really felt like I was picked apart and it's not a good feeling.