Because of the many hurdles that now stand before me, I often dreaded falling into another one of those dark cycles. That bad phase in my life when everything just fell apart and everyone was just so far away. It's like you find yourself locked up in glass cage and while everybody roams freely, you find yourself on the outside, helpless. It's as if you find yourself in the middle of nowhere and helpless to boot. The dread of falling into that bad cycle reminds me of Heart's song "Sranded".
A lot of people have gone through bad times and made it through. Still, I wouldn't be surprised that even though they made it out of the abyss, doesn't mean they want to fall into it again. That feeling of desperation and helplessness with no one to turn to is a painful experience that I wouldn't wish on anyone. It really leaves a deep emotional scar that haunts you even during the best of times. You just come to terms with it.
As much as possible, I try to learn from my mistakes so as not to repeat what happened in the past. At my age, I can't afford another bad cycle as I have barely recovered from the ones that I went through in the past. I don't want to live my life that way anymore and wouldn't want anyone in my family to experience that cause it shows you just how cruel the world can be. I just want to keep moving forward till I reach my goals which have been sidelined for so long. Here's hoping that I don't get stranded anymore as I keep on trying.
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