You know we're still coping with the loss of our father and things haven't been easy. As much as I don't want to take things for granted, there are times when it just overwhelms me. I've been thinking too much to the point that some people think I'm aloof, hence, resulting in further alienation. Life has been so dreary that sometimes something really good would happen to lift me up from this blue funk. The need to lift myself out of this depressing state can be expressed in Sammy Hagar's song "Eagles Fly".
Apart from the loss that we had to deal with, the fact that things haven't been well with me for the last 10 years has already starting to eat up at every single reserve of fortitude and patience that I have left. When people tell go off and have an adventure, how can I do that when I haven't figured out a way to solve the financial dilenma here, let my mother's sorrow which I share since my dad's passing. The fact that health problems are now taking a physical and emotional toll on her has sunk my spirits to an all new low. Right now, I'm either banging the desk while typing on my laptop trying hard not to give in to all this pressure even as I feel my chest starting tighten around me.
As much as I want to fly away to never land, I cannot abandon my responsibilities here. How I wish things would lighten up here if what I was doing would just bear some fruit. Till then, I have to deal with this cause it's the only thing that I can do and do it as best as I can. Hopefully the day will come when the sun appears and all the misery would vanish from this household. When that happen, then I could really fly like an eagle to a place where I can be at peace.
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