The fact that I'm getting older is really starting to weigh in on me emotionally. I guess this is because of the fact that I haven't achieved anything of note and I feel that time has already passed me by. Something that would brighten up my life and me feel like I really did something meaningful that I can take to my grave knowing that my life was not a waste. I guess that's one of the things that still drives me on and I'm still searching for that great thing. With this thought hanging heavily on my head, I feel like listening to the song "One Great Thing" by Big Country.
As I've seen before, I've seen to many dreams and goals crumble into dust which me feel like I'm a ball bouncing off the walls without end. As much as I don't want to cry over spilled milk, thought of what could've been is starting to eat at my emotional wall of fortitude. The fact that a lot of bad things have been happening one after another is really starting irk me and the slightest talk of things starting to disappear one by one is starting to make me paranoid of an eventual slip down to the slums. That's the reason why I'm trying hard to make what I'm doing on the internet reap some benefits which would greatly help in maintaining things around here. I just hope that it does and that I will be able to sustain it before everything disappears lock, stock and barrel.
If I can just do this then not only would I have done something great but also be able to have some peace of mind knowing that all that I've put into and gambled on was worth it. Man, if this fails it would break my heart and I can see my freedom and dreams truly destroyed forever. I just hope that I can turn things around with this because I can no take hold of my life and finally prove that I did something right. That would be great enough for me.
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