As much as I hate to admit it, I think I've been living in a shell which is ironic because I've been trying hard to break out of my own mental and emotional embryo. I think that I've been living in a shell for so long that I'm starting to get use to it. Even my mother as well as my brothers are urging me to try on a new leaf. Maybe I should though I have to admit to a little cold feet, yet it's out there and if you want it, go for it. When I think about a promise land where there maybe better opportunities, I think of America's song "The Border".
I guess I've been feeling lost in the midst of my problems. I feel so alienated at work and I feel like there's nothing or no one here for me. My only apprehension is leaving my mother because I've taken care of her for so long that I fear for her security if I do leave. Before anything else I want to make sure that she is happy and safe. If anything would happen to her it would break my heart.
I know that I suggested change before and I'm not backing out of anything that I have written on this blog. I agree that to have change, you should also be ready to adjust to it for it to work. Still, I want to make sure that everything is going to be all right before I make any undertaking of that sort. It's still a big world out there and I know that I still got time. When all is right, then I'll make a dash for the border and hopefully, I'll find what it is that I'm missing.
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