Last week I got some bad news that a friend and co-worker of mine died due to kidney failure. I was shocked and saddened about it because despite what I've been hearing, I thought he'd pull through. Unfortunately, he didn't which was downer for all of us. I hope that he's in a better place now because he pushed himself so hard to not only for himself but for his family. When I think about what happened to him I remember the song "I'll Fly For You" by Spandau Ballet.
Everybody was right when they say he was the one I got along with the most in the office. I guess because we were raised in the same kind of family and have been through a lot of ups and downs. It took me a lot of guts to go to his wake and I hate to admit it, but I was afraid to approach his casket and to see his wife so distraught was very emotional for me even if I didn't show it. I didn't show up at his funeral because I hate to admit it but I was afraid because ever since my grandfather died funerals really affect me bad and they still do.
Recently, I heard the whole office got invited to go to his house for a gathering. I've wrestling with that ever since I heard it because going to events like that always stirs up a hidden fear in me and also because of my obligations at home. I know I shouldn't use the latter as an excuse but the fear of it all really gets to me. I guess years of being a loner and having the responsibility of looking out for things here have grounded my routine to a point that it's all I do. Nevertheless, I really do miss him and without him, I have no one to talk to who can relate with my views. I hope he and the Big Guy don't take it against me if I don't go but believe me he was special to me and I will miss him for the good talks that we had.
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