As I have written before, my life has been a series of ups and downs where the down parts really hit rock bottom. I remember the first time I wound up in that state where things were really getting bleak. I was broke and I couldn't land a job and as a result, I was often ostracized for that. So began a very hard period in my life were I learned the bitter lesson of what it was like to loose a job as well as the self-respect that went along with it. The song "Fall Down" by Toad The Wet Sprocket reminds me of that feeling of wasting away as well as the growing self-loathing I had for myself during those bad times.
Everytime I remember that period, I always feel my chest muscles start to tighten up cause of the pain I endured back then. Because of a mistake I had hard time finding a job and my family never gave me any peace because I screwed up bad and have not able to find a new company to work in. I couldn't argue with them because despite their preachings, deep down they were concerned about me and I screwed up. I had to endure everything that was thrown at me as I tried to start over which was very difficult because most of the vacancies were for different positions which I was not qualified for. Eventually things turned for the better and I got a new job but the scars of that experience still haunt me to this day.
THough I have been through a lot lately, I just try to deal with the scars that remained from those experiences. Sometimes you find yourself going through it again in a longer and more difficult situation. What is important is that you weather the storm. Don't loose hope and always keep going no matter how much life throws at you. I hope no one my family ever goes through what I suffered during those bad times because I wouldn't any of them to feel what I felt. In the end, I'm just glad that I didn't fall to the abyss of despair.
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