One of the reasons I started blogging was because a lot of times I never could express what I feel, especially when it comes to anger, disappointment, rejection and other heartaches. A lot of times when things go wrong, these things just boil deep inside me and eat me up. A lot of times, I have either made a mistake or said something wrong which caused me to be an object of humiliation, making it harder for me to express myself, resulting to further alienation. Whenever I feel alienated or rediculed, I listen to the song "Behind Blue Eyes" by The Who.
I guess that's one of the reasons why I am what I am. A lot of times times I mutter to myself because back then anything that I would say would either be funny or wrong which is why for a long time I kept to myself. As a consequence, alot of things that I wanted to do or be went down the drain. That's why these days I try to be more honest about myself and stand my ground. Sometimes when I work so hard and something happens that destroys it all, I really sink to an all time low. Apart from failure of expession, I'm begining to feel like I'm a magnet for misery magnate and I'm sure nobody wants that.
If there's anything that I learned from all this is always express what you feel and stand by what you really want to be or do. That way, people would understand you better and know what it is that makes you tick as a person. I wish I learned that earlier so that I wouldn't be in this situation that I'm in. Noboy wants to be sad or alienated which is why I always lend an ear to others because I know what is like to keep it all in and to be laughed when you're serious. After what I've been through over the years, it's something I wouldn't want to happen to anybody else because nobody wants to be sad, bad man.
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