Well I just got home and the only thing that I'm glad about is the fact that this crappy day is over. With that said, once again I have that vicious cycle plaguing my mind which happens when the day sucks. 12 years and I'm still dealing with messy cycle of ups and downs (more downs than up). Still, I won't give up until I break this darn cycle if it's the last thing I do. My never ending fight against this vicious cycle reminds of the song "Texarcana" by R.E.M.
As I've said in a lot of my posts, my life's been full ups and downs but these days it has been more of the downs and to add insult to injury, every time I try to make my life better, things just get worse. It's like picking up a scrap of bread when your really hungry only have someone kick it out of your hand when you're already feeling faint from hunger. I already know it's either fight or die and that's why I keep on going because if fate were a tangible person, I'd fight time him till I knock him senseless for dealing me a bad hand. Not that I'm making excuses for my mistakes but sometimes it's hard to fight the urge point fingers, let alone, vent your frustrations on someone. So I keep going because I don't play the cards fate has dealt me which is this vicious cycle.
This cycle sure has caused me a lot of pain and a lot of tears. Be that as it may, I am not giving up despite all the wasted time and all the wrong decisions. Though I hurt sometimes, I will not wallow in regret because what's done is done. I know if I do it right, there will a light at the end of this miserable tunnel. Even if I crash and burn, at least I went down fighting with my head held high and I guess that's a victory in itself.
No comments:
Post a Comment