Reminds Me Of My Dark Days/What A Daddy Shouldn't Be: Daddy Don't By Steely Dan

After celebrating Father's Day last weekend, I found myself contemplated on what it takes to be a dad. Apart from that, I also contemplated what a dad shouldn't do. As I thought about the latter, memories about the dark times in my life suddenly came out of the blue. I guess the reason for that is that I ever thought about having a family, the first thing that I need to do is to be there for them and make sure that I don't fall apart like I did during those hard times cause they're going to expect a lot out of me. That thought of my dark days and thinking about what it takes to be a father reminds me of the song "Daddy Don't Live In That New York City No More" by Steely Dan.

Apart from falling apart from a binge session with my bros and buds, this song reminds me of the times when I was at my lowest. Let's just say that things were really tough all over and I was so numb that I didn't care about anything or anyone which is the reason why I was "stewed" most of the time. When I think of the things that I did and went through during those bad times, I realize that if ever I was going to have a family and be a dad, I first need to straighten my act. I can't act like the character in this song for the obvious reasons that people depend on me and I can't afford to make mistakes, let alone screw myself up because it would affect them as well.

I still have long way to go in getting it together. I just hope that what I'm working on will finally yield results after all that I've been doing and the research that I've put in. If I don't, then the "no mores" in this song are going to be grim reality and the last thing I want to be is to be put in the inquisition again. It's getting so much so that the thought of slipping up or falling apart terrifies me and to helplessly see things slip out of your control is unacceptable. It's a hard vow but if I don't want to fall down again or be that kind of dad, I better make sure that I better stir clear of that path and work harder to make sure that things will be all right.