With Father's Day drawing near and all the responsibilities that are in my head right now, I am going into another one of those melancholic outsider moods of mine. I guess it's because I haven't been able to accomplish that which I have been working on for the past three years. It hurts even more when I've been reading directions and putting into practice suggestions that I have been reading about and still there's no progress. As a result, I'm beginning to feel lost. When I hear the song "Lost Soul" by Bruce Hornsby And Range, it reminds me of those times when I feel so alienated and lonely in the midst of my dilemma.
I guess this is because of all the bad experiences I had from childhood to the present. A lot of times, I felt my soul leave my body as if I was struck numb from the trauma. You can say that it contributed to my being a loner and a recluse. It sometimes got so much that I feel that I don't belong anywhere and part of me is searching for that place that can give me comfort. Though people around me do their best to make me feel part of the community, it doesn't have any effect though I deeply appreciate their efforts.
Despite what I am feeling right now, it doesn't mean that all the positive entries in my blog are false. It's just when the feeling hits me, it really hits hard. Even a fighter who trained for every situation can get knock down in a fight. I just need some time to figure things out and hopefully get things to work the way I want them to. I still believe that bad times will pass eventually and things will get better. When that time comes, this lost soul will be found.
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