Once in a while I always feel the sting of my mistakes and in my family, they don't make you forget it. Whether it's thiing that I did or didn't do, I do know that I'm going to hear about for a long time. That's the reason why I'm doing my best to stay clear of the radar by keeping myself out of trouble. You can't protest because in the end, you messed up. When I hear the song "All Apologies", it reminds me of those times and where the mistakes I made felt like someone branded the "scarlet letter" on my forehead for all to see.
To say to err is human though I think whoever said that never had to face the consequences of the error that he committed. Making mistakes is one of the things that I truly dread because I really felt the consequences of my error. Even now when I'm trying to get my act together, I can't help but think that someone would probably be talking of the times when I screwed up or why I wound up in this situation. As much as I would like to reason out, let alone present my case, in the end, I screwed up and my defense will be taken as excuses for my shortcomings.
As much as it almost ripped me apart, I didn't want to just lie down and give up, especially after working so hard and obeying all the rules. The person I wanted to be wouldn't curl up and faded away and after all that I've been through, I'll be damned if I'll let that happen. Nobody likes making mistakes, but I've learned that a person can still rise above it if that person is strong enough. I'm willing to take the sermons and the punches because it's the right thing to do, I hope I learn from it and do better. Maybe that way, I'll finally be able to bask in the sun with a wide smile on my face again.
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