What Do I See In The Mirror: Mirror, Mirror By Dokken

Whether it's morning or evening,  I see the same thing every time I face the mirror.  What do I see?  Simply a tired and worn guy who's getting older and still trying to get his act together.  Can't believe that it's been so long and I still can't get it right.  Whenever I get that thought as I face the mirror, the song "Mirror, Mirror" by Dokken comes to mind.

I see a tired and weary face every time  I look at the mirror.  Tired from all the efforts that I put in and weary from stressed when you come up empty.  I guess it's because I can't relax anymore as problems  pile up and the temptation of regretting what could've been haunts my thoughts these days.  The white hairs that start to sprout in hair and beard are starting to multiply are signs that time has passed me by and I have to make do with what's left.  Not a very flattering thing to see.

Still, despite what I see, I still keep going.  The thought that there are still things that I can do and that I'm still here means that there things that are attainable.  I just have to keep hanging in there.  It's not a very pretty sight I every time I look in the mirror but then again it's still what I am and for better or worse I have to accept it.

Bests Describes The Bad Times Of My Life: Wasted Years By Iron Maiden

Whenever I talk about the "bad cycles", those were the low points of my life where bad things just kept on coming to the point where you found your situation hopeless.  Even when you've finally made through the storm, it really leaves a scar on you.  You can't help but look back and wonder what it is that you could've done to prevent and it really hits as to how much time was wasted.  When I think about those bad times and the years that went down the tubes, it reminds me of the song "Wasted Years" by Iron Maiden.

Those bad times happened to me a lot from elementary to the time I started to struggle in the real world.  The first bad period of my life happened from July of 1993 to May of 1995.  I had arguments; applications turned and a bad loss of self-esteem.  The second time was from 2000 to to 2004 and though I was able to work a little bit in between those, the experience was twice as awful.  A lot of bad choices as well as mistakes that could have led to my salvation really left me in the mire for a longer period than  I had anticipated.

Though things are a bit better now, I still feel haunted by those years because as much as I don't want to dwell on spilled milk, a part of me keeps thinking of what could've have been.  If I hadn't fallen down back then, maybe life wouldn't be so hard now. That's why when I see others stumble, I know how they feel and try to help them as bests as I can.  Right now I just want to move on and try not to make the same mistakes that landed me in the pits.  That really sums up those bad times in my life and do hope I or anyone else in my family would never experience that again.

I Guess The Radio Will Remain Off Again: Bedside Radio By Krokus

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This morning I tuned in to my favorite radio program "24K Weekend" to listen to those rare and gold hits that were part of my youth.  As I sipped my coffee, I almost spat it out when I heard the dj say that this was the final edition of the said program.  I spent most of the day listening to the good old songs til my MP4's batteries wore out.  The worst part of it was the fact that I couldn't get a request in as fans kept the phone lines busy asking for their favorite 24k tunes.  When I hear the song "Bedside Radio" by Krokus, I feel kinda sad that once my favorite program has been axed.


I have often mentioned in my posts that before all these musical gadgets came out, all I had was the radio at my bedside where I would turn it and good music would start my day. I seldom bought tapes (there were no disc or internet to download from) because good was everywhere.  As I grew,  I noticed that all the good tunes were starting to disappear.  When it came to the point where I could no longer relate with the crap they play on air nowadays, 24K was my refuge for all the good tunes.


Well this isn't the first time, that 24K went off the air.  I don't what those blockheads are thinking when they came up with this idea.  Still, a program so good won't be down for long.  I believe one day 24K will again fill the airwaves with music that's got a lot of soul.  Till then, I'll listen to my collection or maybe stream a video at youtube till 24K returns and I know it will.

Be Careful About Flying Too Close To The Sun: Flight

Remember the story of Daedelus and Icarus?  They were imprisoned on an island that was in the middle of the sea and after being there for so long, they decided to escape.  They fashioned a pair of wings with wax and used it to fly out of that place.  The problem was when they flew out of there, Icarus got so excited that he flew too high to the sun and his wings fell apart causing him to fall to the sea.  I guess that's the reason why I'm listening to the song "Flight Of Icarus" by Iron Maiden.

Why am I remembering this story?  I guess it's a tale to remind us about balancing high expectations against hesitation.  Too much hesitation and you'll wind up getting nowhere and dying in your bed every night.  Too much high expectation and you might be flying to high only to come crashing right down to earth. Life's full of risks that you have to be careful.

I've seen too dreams shot because I let my imagination run wild only to come up with nada.  There were also times when I hesitated and regretted doing so.  I've guessed I've come to the conclusion that you be realistic in both your dreams and fears.  There's nothing wrong with aiming high.  Just be careful not to get shot down in the process.

Remembering The Rock N' Roll Nights: Burning Up The Night By Krokus

Remember those metal days when people rocked to the sounds of really loud bands?  The long and big hair with the leathers and spandex and gothic jewelry to boot?  Despite the theatrics the music spoke for itself.  Whenever I listen to a metal or hard rock song today it takes me back to those great times when partied all night till the break of day.  One song that takes me back is Krokus' "Burning Up The Night".

I remember the good old days when me and my friends use to walk around the corridors.  Some wore leather jackets whiles others had those medieval or gothic necklaces or rings that rockers would wear and of course the long hair  When the night came it was different matter, especially on a weekend at Red Rock (now Club Dredd).  That's where we dressed up in our most outrageous outfit as the bands blew out our eardrums with cover songs from great metal and hard rock legends.  We partied till it was closing time and staggered our way home.

Those were the days.  Nowadays I don't even know who the new acts are.  Music wise I now stick to the classics.  My hair is now short and my beard thinly trimmed as the leather jacket that I clean every now and then still hangs in my closet.  But the sounds still rock me (thanks to Ipods and youtube on the internet).  They remind me of the great times when we burned up the nights with hard and heavy tunes.

Want To Break Free Of This Prison: The Prisoner By Iron Maiden

After 1999, my life has gone to crap.  The years that followed gave new meaning "Life's Not Fair". If it's not one problem that keeps me troubled, it's another.  Even the few good times that I enjoy are quickly overwhelmed by bad developments that spoil my mood.   These bad developments are like bricks that are trying to keep me imprisoned.  This feeling of imprisonment brought about by all the bad crap life throws at me reminds me of the song "The Prisoner" by Iron Maiden.

These I feel like I'm walking around with a floating cage keeping hemmed in from anything that would make me happy.  The only relief that I feel is that if there is nothing happens. I always pray at the end of the year that things would be better instead something comes out of the blue and everything falls apart.  When that happens I feel as if the powers that be has played another cruel joke on us.  As if they're tightening the chains to prevent me from being free and enjoying life like other people.

As much as I believe that life is what we make it, I have to sometimes fight the urge to blame the MAN for all this miserable developments that plague us every year.  I feel bad when these things happens, it's like someone put chains and leg irons on me and it's bad enough that I have to deal with this on my own.  Well, if that's what they want I won't give them the satisfaction.  I swear one day I'll break free of prison that life seems to cage me into.  I won't stay caged  and I'll fight to the end just to be free, free I will be.

Be Very Careful About People You Don't Know: Don't Talk To Strangers By Dio

One thing I hate about these problematic times is that you have to be careful who you depend on.  These days people are so desperate, if someone whispers the things a desperate person would want to hear, he'll believe it. That's when you set yourself up for the fall and that fall can be very hard.  I know cause I made the same mistake before.  Being wary about what people offer you for your predicament reminds me of Ronnie James Dio's song "Don't Talk To Strangers".

These are very tough times and opportunities are so scarce, people are will do just anything to find a way out. Still, that doesn't mean we simply throw caution to the winds.  You really have to check things out thoroughly.  Apart from that, you have to be sure that you have what it takes to take this road.  You what they say, once you start, there's no turning back so be sure you're well-prepared.

Right now what I'm being very careful at every new idea being tossed to me.  Sometimes it may sound right but it doesn't feel right and that makes me hesitate.  I'd rather err on the side of caution.  Better that than add another notch of regret in my already scarred soul.  So be careful what people suggest to you, especially if they're stranger cause they may only be after your money and not your well-being.

Take The Pain: Painkiller By Judas Priest

This world is getting crueler every day.  When the year starts, all I want is to some peace and safety for myself and my family.  Just when I think that things are going smoothly, all the crap suddenly hits the fan.  Next thing I know chaos is breaking loose and my chest is starting to tighten.  Once again, I worry myself sick at this new dilemna and as much as I want relief and a quick solution, I am not going to get any.  This desperate feeling of wanting a quick relief from life's unrelenting rain of problems reminds me of the song "Pain Killer" by Judas Priest.

Everywhere you turn, there's trouble all around you.  Apart from this current problem, other small annoyance just creep out of the woodwork one after another.  The worst part about it is that it comes at a time when you're most vulnerable.  It gets worse when it all piles up when you're hands are already full.  It's a real sick helpless feeling when it does happen.

Like this song, you would like to wish that something would come and solve all your problems in a flash.  Just like a magic bullet that will slay the pest that's been troubling you to no end.  Alas there is no such thing.  In the end, you just have to take the pain no matter much it hurts till the storm is over.

A Very Angry Song About Wanting To Break Free: Free Me By Roger Daltrey

I remember when I was a kid a saw movie trailer that start The Who front man Roger Daltrey called "Mc Vicar". It was an action packed flim about a criminal who was imprisoned, breaks out and later captured again. I was interested in watching that movie based on what I saw from the trailer. I also liked the soundtracks from the movie. One soundtrack that really caught my ear was the song "Free Me" by Roger Daltrey.

This song had a lot of angst in it and this was before the 90's grunge era. Whenever I hear this song, it reminds of the repressed feelings that everybody has. These days when times are hard, people do their best cope with the pressures that bear down on us. To add insult to injury, things are getting worse and there's no relief in sight. That's one to drive a person up the wall.

Once again, they say that all work and no play makes one dull. These days it can drive one crazy. We all need an outlet for the pressures that hit us everyday. If we don't have that, we might wind up venting our pent-up anger on others and that's not cool. You really need some form of release to free yourself the chains of pressure.

You Guess What's Going Down When You Hear This Song: Smoke On The Water By Deep Purple

For those of you who have read my past entries, you can tell me and my brothers had our fair share of mischief when we were young. Whether it was wrecking our toys in war play or when our pals came over for a weekend meet, it was always on the wild side. Once the party started, it wouldn't take long for some bottles and people rolling on the flow. Whether it was a brew or a herb, someone was bound to drop out unconscious in the middle of it all. Those were the days all right when we can still hold for a while before we dropped. One song that was sure to be played during those times was Deep Purple's "Smoke On The Water".

This was based on the incident where a night club that band was suppose to play in got burned down and if I remember right, the description of the fire that people were putting out at the time. During our time, this was when the party or the get-together was already at its high mark and once lit, something inside was bound blow up. By then, either someone was already slump in his chair or heading to the toilet while trying to keep it in. The next day, you struggled to wake up and with your head spinning and your gut heaving. It'll take until lunchtime to get things together.

Ah, those were the old days when we partied all night. Today, however, is a different story. A lot of us are now health conscious and are not as strong as we use to be. Heck, every time I go to a party, I'm ready to call it a day after a few swigs. I guess it's a sign that I'm getting old. Oh well, I guess time to move on.

Need To Find An Outlet: Shoot To Thrill By AC/DC

They say that all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. If that was true, I feel so dull, I can't even cut through air. Like Dexter Morgan said: "My life's all Jeckle and no Hyde." What makes it worse is the fact that lately, I've been getting myself into situations where I really hate taking part in. Right now, I miss the old days where I go to the gym and lift a few weights then head to the dojo and use that muscle to throw or strike somebody. Right now I need a physical outlet to get all this negative energy out. The need to go sparring reminds me of the song "Shoot To Thrill" by AC/DC.

I guess this is the reason why the movie Fight Club was one of my favorites because these guys needed an outlet for their pent-up frustrations. Right now, I miss the sparring and randori of martialarts combat. During these sessions, you get paired and fight the heck out of each other until the masters gives the signal to stop. Sure I may be bruised and bloodied after the session but man, I feel good afterwards because all that repressed adrenaline has was gone and I got a pretty good workout in the process.

I don't get me wrong because I don't like hurting people but for me, martialarts sparring gives me an outlet for getting rid of bad vibes that other activities do not. This is the closest to getting into war without the bloodshed (though I did get a black eye once as well as sore but not broken ribs). Hopefully, when things get in order, I'll be able to go back to training again. Cause getting into combat for me is the ultimate thrill like a sword being unsheathed from its scabbard ready for battle.

I'll Always Rock To Dio: We Rock By Dio

Every time I remember my college days, I always associate it with Heavy Metal Music. It was in that period of my life that I was able to find a lot of friends who really rocked both in music as well as leather and clothes. As mentioned in my past entries, I constantly listened to really hard rock and metal music during this period. Apart from that, my hair and my beard were at their zenith as I spent a good time of my college years rocking. One singer that really rocked my ears was Ronnie James Dio and one of my favorite songs from this guy was the song "We Rock".

I have some of his songs in my blog entries and he was one of my favorite musicians. Whether with Black Sabbath or solo, this guy really knew how to belt out a mean tune. My brother and my friends use to sing some of his songs when they performed on stage. He and othe metal guys really pumped me up during college. His music and a lot of other great bands made life cooler during the last years of my academic period.

I was saddened when I heard the news about his sudden death caused by lingering illness. When I read that he kept on performing despite his condition, I said to myself that this guy really rocks. He willl surely be missed for he is one of the great gods of Heavy Metal which one of the best gifts that music give to a generation. Even if I have mellowed a bit, I still listen to his songs and I still get that pumped feeling that gets me throught the day. R.I.P. Ronnie and thanks for the music cause you rocked my world and you can bet that we'll keep on rocking.

Play War Days: The Trooper By Iron Maiden

My fondest memories of summers were way back when we did nothing but play war the whole day long. One moment we'd be swinging sword and shield and then shooting guns the next. It was a crazy time for us back then, but we had a blast. We wouldn't stop playing till the sun went down. Remembering those days reminds me of the song "The Trooper" by Iron Maiden.

We probably spent the summer that way until the late 80's. If we didn't go out of town or went sight-seeing, this is what we were probably be doing the duration of the summer. We'd save up for the swords and guns that we would buy and when we went home, let the battle begin. We'd be swinging and shooting at each other as it was real. For those who were expose to this reckless activity of ours, it was a real culture shock.

Though those days are past me now, I still get the urge whenever I pass by the Toy Section of the local mall. I'm glad to see that one of my nephews taken after us. Getting into a sword fight with him really brings back memories of the good old days. We all had a blast doing that way back then. To this day, I would choose that than playing the latest video game cause you really let your imagination run wild.

Rock And Christianity Can Mix/Trust In God

When I was young, people said that Heavy Metal was the Devil's Music. A lot of it had images of Satan and if you play the song backwards, you'd here messages from the devil and all that sort of stuff. When you listened to such music, people will think that you're in league with the devil and thus was an outcast. One band that proved that metal isn't really the devil's music is Stryper. A good example of their song that proves Christianity and Metal can mix is called "In God We Trust".

You know one of the reasons why I'm more inclined to the right was because of a lot of injustices that I've seen in the last 20 years. People getting away with doing evil while innocent victims lay helpless and to add insult to injury, some liberal double-talker would lay blame on society rather than the perpetrator. During these cruel and unfair times, we need to hold fast and firm to our beliefs and to protect our own from the corrupting elements that threaten society. I know it's hard but I still believe that the Big Guy is up there and won't abandon us to the evil in our midst. We just have to stand our ground and even if we face incredible odds, what matters is that He is with us and we need not fear anything.

Heck, if rock and rap can mix, so can metal and Christianity. It's just a matter of doing it right. As we enter into this season of Lent, let us remember to always trust in the Lord. His word reaches us through different mediums. Even Heavy Metal is one of those mediums.

Need A Shot Of Adrenaline For The First Week Of The Year: Never Gonna Stop By Rob Zombie

Well, after the jingle bells and fire crackers, my head is still a little woozy. To top it off, I had to help with a lot of the housework and I haven't even gotten enough to recharge for the week. Apart from that, there's going to some developments which will set me on a roller coaster ride for the next six months. What I need is a good shot of adrenaline to face all these things because I got a feeling that it's all going to crash into me. Hard rock songs like Rob Zombie's "Never Gonna Stop", helps me get pumped up for the coming grind.

The good thing I like about songs like these is that they really give you a natural boost. Whether you're on the job, working out or just plain beat, this kind music really gives a jolt without having to resort to those "intoxicating" stuff which will later do more harm than good. Apart from that, it's better than getting splashed with water or slapped in the cheek to clear your head. Right now, I am taking stock of all that I need to do for the year. A lot of things are going to be on shoulders and I better be ready for it.

Well first things first and that is to get ready for tomorrow. Things were really rocking at the office during the holidays and its going to get tougher for the next six months. I also need to improve on what I am working on to help me get through the years. I better start planning ahead and this time, I better make sure that I get it right because there's too much at stake. I hope I'm ready because a lot of things are starting to get real to me. I can't take it for granted anymore.

Rob Zombie - Never Gonna Stop (The Red Red Kroovy)
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I Won't Give Up: Never Surrender By Triumph

As I've said before, one of the why a lot of hopes went down the tubes was because I didn't fight for it. Wishing for something and making it real can be two different things. If you don't have what it takes to make it so, don't be surprise if it doesn't. That's a lot a lately and right now, I sick and tired of it. When I think of the futility of it all, I listen the song "Never Surrender" by Triumph to get some inspiration to get some adrenaline pumping.

Though the title with my previous entry using Corey Hart's song as well as the fact that both he and the band are from Canada is where the similarities end. This has a rougher edge to it and it's one of my favorite rock songs when I was growing up. Right now I am changing my mindset because before, a little setback and I'd just give and walk away. This time around, I don't want to work my way through the pain and come out fighting. I don't give until I accomplish what I set out to do.

Right now I am in the midst of something that I am working on in the hopes that it will make my life a little more stable. It wasn't as easy as I thought and I am trying my best to apply what I have learned. Despite all the obstacles, I won't back down and no matter how long it takes, I will figure this out. Once I do, it's sky's the limit.

It's high time I get out of my shell and do something to improve my life. I have to admit, when change comes, it takes time for me to adjust. That doesn't that I will give up. I want to make this come true and I won't stop until I do. No matter what, I won't surrender until I have conquered.

My Anger Is More Righteous Than Yours: I'll Hate You Better By Suicidal Tendencies

You know it's incredible when people get mad around here, they think that they spread all over the place. The problem is that a lot of these jerks take their anger out on those who didn't do anything and as a result they implant their anger to others like some net virus on a computer. Pretty soon everybody's angry and no one wants to talk to each other because they think their anger is more righteous than the other guy. When it comes to spreading hate and anger, there are a lot of people who do it pretty well. Suicidal Tendencies' song "I'll Hate You Better" is appropriate for these kinds of jerks.

Let's face it, once in a while, there are times something happens which causes the root of all this anger. Unfortunately, when people get mad they tend to vent their anger on some innocent bystander and not the one caused all of it. The result is creation of more angry people and when that happens, bridges are burned and walls are erected with each thinking his or her anger is the more righteous. When that happens, more people get hit in the cross fire and they start spreading the hate around. Those who spread the anger sometimes realize what they have done because in they're mind, they had a right to be angry. Well, the news is what goes around, comes around pal and don't hit by brink on you're way in.

You know all right to be angry, but direct your anger on those who caused. In some cases, these @#$$@ are quick to forgive the culprits and have a brew with them. Man, what short memories you got but for those you offended, they don't forget and don't even try to justify your stupid acts because when you do that, you're like felons who are trying to get off the hook. Well right now, the seeds of hate are sprouting and don't know if anyone notices. I guess that's because they're is better (What Jerks!!!.

Pretty Much What I'm Feeling: Suite Judy Blue Eyes By Crosby, Stills, Nash And Young

You know we all have our highs and lows every now and then. Right now, I am getting case of the "lows" and for some reason this always happens whenever an idea comes into my head and I get all inspired to put it in motion. Then out of the blue, something comes up and whatever flame that gets lit gets snuffed out by dirty water by the gallons. It is for this reason that I carry a lot of emotional baggage inside me. If want to goes in my mind, try listening to the song "Suite Judy Blue Eyes" by Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young.

I can really identify with a lot of the lyrics of this song especially they mention about not being fun anymore as well as about fear and laughter. As I've mentioned countless times, fun time's over around these parts and a good day is when you can simply chill with no noise about the weather, money or whatever topic that tends to raise voices as well as tempers. A long time ago, I was having the time of my life and things were moving, then I was accused of just thinking of myself so I took up the burden and found myself alone with a cow telling me "Now you know how I felt" now that I have to take care of things here. Worst of all, I'm trying to fight the urge to not to loose it as things that could have been really cut my heart apart every time I see the things that could've made me happy whether I go out or watch television or read a newspaper. When gets to that I really remember the part of this song about how it hurts inside.

So once again, I've fallen into another one of those "black moods" and with the things are around here, it's easy to do that. if I was superhero, I'd probably be a lightning rod. Just when you think things quite down, things happen that sullens your mood. As for what I am working on, well I'm still figuring it out. I won't give up though, because if I succeed, it'll make make life a little bearable and provide some shelter from the hail of critiques of so-called "wise guys" who take people apart when they're down any chance that they can get. I hope to God this works, cause there are few options left. All work and no play can make anybody dull.

To Jump Or Not To Jump: All Along The Watch Tower By Jimi Hendrix

I remember when I read the "Killing Joke" by Alan Miller, I remember the last part when Batman took the Joker in and the Joker told a joke about two inmates in an insane assylum wanted break out of that place. Both conspired to escape by jump across the other building and the first guy jumped off easily. The second, refused to jump even as his partner told him not to worry because he's the flashlight, making easy for him to see where he'd be jumping. In the end, Joker said that the second inmate told his friend that if I had jumped, you turn off the light just when I make it half-way through. As I finish reading the comic book, I wondered which of the two I would be classified under, especially now that I feel the pressure of the situation that I'm in. Thinking about situation reminds me of the song "All Along The Watch Tower" by Jimi Hendrix.

When you make a lot of mistakes in your life, the consquences of those mistakes are really going to eat away at any chance of happiness in your future. Mistakes are like macabre bricks that seal you in your own private prison. When it gets too much, the question is are you going to let yourself be boxed in or are you going to find a way out. It's in situations like this that reveals who the stronger person is: The one who just lets himself be imprisoned or the one who finds a way out of this hell hole. I want to be the latter.

I know it's easier said than done, especially now due to the reasons that I have previously blogged about. I don't want to be whiner who cries and goes into a tantrum just to solve a problem. Even if I'm having a hard time, I want to find the solution to the problem. I know it's not easy, but I won't give up till this bears fruit. I guess better not be afraid and jump across the building with all my might. As for finding a solution to my problem, I remember what Bart Simpson said to Homer when they were trapped on a runaway monorail: "Think Harder Homer"!

The Downside Of Remembering: Yesterday By Guns 'N Roses

Once in a while, reminiscing would awaken feelings of regret inside of me. These were due to things I didn't get to or not being able to be with someone I wanted to be with. Those feelings get stronger when I remember things that fell apart, despite trying hard to salvage them. I guess that's the downside of remembering. The song "Yesterday" by Guns 'N Roses best describes the downside of remembering the past. When you're young, people will tell you to live your life to the fullest and they are absolutely right. As much as I don't want to mention regrets, I have my fair share of them. The worst part of of those things you didn't try or do sometimes eats at you when you start becoming nostalgic. It's like having a clear vision of the past only to have a rock fly out of nowhere and destroy that image. Times like that when I wish didn't remember because could'ves or would'ves always up, making me feel bad and incomplete. I guess that's why you have to admire those who still don't want to give up on their dreams. Well I guess all I can do is give the same advice to the next generation. Live life to the fullest by being all that you can be and doing all that you can do. Don't be like us of whose memories of regret still hurt deep inside. When yesterday's gone, it's gone and you can't get it back.