Just Keeping My Fingers' Crossed For Something Better: See What Tomorrow Brings By The Archangels

The time is ticking and the days are dropping off one by one.  After being dealt a bad hand last month, we've been sitting around and waiting what the verdict will be.  When the news came down, I felt that the floor that I've been standing on was starting to crumble so this time around, I swore that I'd be more open and consider my options when the envelope is opened.  All this in the hopes that it would lead to a better future.  Hoping for a better future reminds me of the song "See What Tomorrow Brings" by The Archangels.

I've been in this situation before and back then, I didn't handle it right.  As a result, I struggled hard not once but twice.  As much as I wanted things to keep going, it happened again.  This time around, I swore that I would be less stubborn.  I have no choice as I have to make do with what's there and not much to go with.  It doesn't help that this comes at a time when I already have enough to deal with but if that's what I got to do, then that's what I'll do.

Right now I'm just making my preparations and keeping my mind open to whatever options are there.  Too rumors are floating around but I'd rather lay the foundation on what I got to do when the time comes.  All I want is something better after going through all this.  I know it doesn't happen by magic and I have to work hard for it to come true.  Well, I'll just keep my fingers cross and see what tomorrow brings.

Another Song That Encourages Me To Keep On Trying: Just A Loser By Robert Cray

Lately the problems have been piling up around me one after another and this blog is the only venue where I can vent my frustrations about it.  I can bear if it's just me but lately even people I care about have been having a hard time lately.  Still, that doesn't mean that I'll curl up and hide.  Despite the setbacks and the pile-ups, I am still determine to keep on trying till I get it right. I can Robert Cray's Song "Just A Loser" to that lists of songs about trying again despite repeated failure.

This lasts couple of years have stressed us all out.  The worse part of it all is that problems are getting bigger and more difficult.  As of now, all of us are feeling the pressure and things that we thought would remedy the situation turned out to be a dud.   Still though I haven't gotten it right, I won't quit.  I know the answer is out there so I keep on trying.  This is not only for me but for people around me as well.

You're only a loser if you give up the fight.  No one will call me or anyone around me that.  I know it's easier said than done but there's no other way.  I still believe I can turn things around because I did once and I can do so again. The fact that you're still trying doesn't make you a loser so cheer up and good luck.

Chill Man, Chill: Chill Out By John Lee Hooker

Just when I thought I was already stressed out from everything that's been happening around here, I get hit with another bomb. Just when stress thermometer was going down, it suddenly shot up again, driving me into panic mode.  Then I stop myself and try to get it together.  I remember that no matter nasty the things life throws at you get, chill out then work it out.  I have to John Lee Hooker (together with Carlos Santana) for his song "Chill Out" for reminding me of that.

A long time ago, I stayed positive no matter what life threw at me.  I always remained positive but these days, I feel at I am at the edge.  At the back of my head, a voice is to hold on..  Dear God, I am trying my best.  It isn't easy cause life is throwing everything at me including the kitchen sink.

They say that there isn't a problem that the Good Lord won't give you that you can't handle.  All I know is that I am doing the best that I can. The problems keep pouring in and I try to handle it but it sure is tough.  I just hope that the solution won't be far away.  Till then, I'll just chill.

Just Trying To Wise Up: Wise Up By Aimee Mann

Well I feel that another era is about to end and now I suddenly find myself at another crossroads of my life.  I've been in this situation before not once but twice.  It was really due to the choices I made or didn't make.  Now that I've been put in this position again, I really need to think things thoroughly.  I just hope I do it right this time around.  As I write this post,  I am listening to Aimee Mann's song "Wise Up".

I feel like I've been trying to get it right for a long time.  I still the pain from making the wrong decisions and I still remember what I through because if it.  This time around, other as well as me are in the spot because of a cruel twist of fate.  Apart from that, I've been getting a lot of suggestions as to what I should do.  Well I am no trying to be practical as to how I make my decision.  Being sentimental got me nowhere last time.

Right now I'm trying to chill just to get some peace of mind.  I haven't had any for a long time now.  Apart from that, I am also trying to find a way to make money online as a means of additional income.  I haven't been doing very well at that either but I keep on trying.  In between pauses, I am looking outside the house while listening to this song.  Here's hoping that I wise this time around.

Darkness Spreading: I See Darkness By Johnny Cash

One of the worst nightmare's I've every had was when I was dreaming I was in my grandfather's room and it was dark.  Suddenly it got darker and it took over the whole room and I felt the darkness sucking me in and I was calling out for help.  Next thing I knew I woke up in beads of sweat despite the fact that the air condition was on.  It was one of those bad dreams that you won't forget.  That's just one of the reasons why I am using the song "I See Darkness" by Johnny Cash for this post.

Apart from that bad dream, another reason why I started listening to this song was because of these black years that have brought me nothing but bad news.  Just when things look all sunny, the darkness comes out nowhere and casts a dark shadows.  Even when times where great, there was no escaping it.  It's  a if  you had too much of a good time and now it's time to bear the hardships.  Ever since 2000, not a year goes by without that darkness casting itself here.

Right now I'm just trying to get by as the darkness starts to spread itself in each year.  Even when you try to prepare yourself, it just hits you and hits you hard.  If there's a wish that I want granted is that this bad cloud be expunged from me.  Till then, I have no choice but to accept the unacceptable.   It's downer but then again that's life.

What Do I See In The Mirror: Mirror, Mirror By Dokken

Whether it's morning or evening,  I see the same thing every time I face the mirror.  What do I see?  Simply a tired and worn guy who's getting older and still trying to get his act together.  Can't believe that it's been so long and I still can't get it right.  Whenever I get that thought as I face the mirror, the song "Mirror, Mirror" by Dokken comes to mind.

I see a tired and weary face every time  I look at the mirror.  Tired from all the efforts that I put in and weary from stressed when you come up empty.  I guess it's because I can't relax anymore as problems  pile up and the temptation of regretting what could've been haunts my thoughts these days.  The white hairs that start to sprout in hair and beard are starting to multiply are signs that time has passed me by and I have to make do with what's left.  Not a very flattering thing to see.

Still, despite what I see, I still keep going.  The thought that there are still things that I can do and that I'm still here means that there things that are attainable.  I just have to keep hanging in there.  It's not a very pretty sight I every time I look in the mirror but then again it's still what I am and for better or worse I have to accept it.

Keeps Me Determined To Break The Shackles: Rusty Cage By Sound Garden

Life hasn't been too good lately cause things just keep getting worse.  Apart from the nasty surprises I get everyday, I still fight my private war which is really trying to get my life in order.  I hate to admit but after so many disappointments and failures, there times when I feel either caged or shackled and I really hate it.  Despite, I am determined to break these restraints and hopefully get it right.  One song that inspires me to that end is Sound Garden's "Rusty Cage".

Even if we walk freely there are times deep inside there are these shackles or cages that keep down.  These invisible restraints are stress, disappointment, failure, insecurity and all the negative things that keep us down.  For me, it's more of disappointments when you work so hard to build something only to have it fall apart or to come up with nothing.  Still, no matter hard it gets and despite the odds, I still keep trying cause I am determined to get things right.  As I keep saying my post, other people have done it and so can I.

So far it hasn't been easy and to add to my woes, no problems have sprouted and the old ones just keep getting worse.  Still, I plow on because it's out here.  It won't be given to me and I have to work hard for it.  That's why I listen to this song and others like it because it keeps me determined to break these shackles and I know someday that will happen.  Till then, I'll just have to keep on going and hang tough.

Feels Like You're Going Nowhere: Nowhere Road By Fastball

Ever get that feeling that you're going nowhere at all?  That's what I am feeling right now every time I look at what I am working on and sadly nothing comes up.  To add to that, problems keep coming and you still have you're hands full.  Even when you try to drive it off, you still come back to the same dismal place.  That feeling that nothing is moving and you're going nowhere reminds of Fastball's song "Nowhere Road".

I guess the problems are getting to me again.  It can really get on your nerves when you've been trying to figure it out and you still don't get it.  Makes you feel like going around in circles or bouncing off the wall again and again.  Even when you try to ride of somewhere to ease your mind, you still can't shake it off and when you come back, it's still there.  Feels like you just can't get away from it.

Well, that's life I guess.  Some things you have to figure out for yourself cause no one will.  That's why I'm still at it because I still believe that something will come out eventually if I keep at it.  It's not going to be easy especially if you don't what you're doing or don't know where you're going.  Still, you have to keep at it or you'll really go nowhere.

Still Got Them Blues: Still Got The Blues By Gary Moore

Back when I was reading Marvel Comics, one of my favorite heroes was Beta Ray Bill.  He was an alien who bested Thor to win the right to wield his hammer.  Still, he felt guilty about taking the weapon because it was Thor's birthright.  I mentioned this because when something good happens, I want everyone to feel good and happy as well.  I know it sounds mushy but when someone feels down, I feel down as well because the joy of my family is my joy and their sorrow is my sorrow.  This is why  I chose the song "Still Got The Blues" by Gary Moore.

It saddens me that someone in my family has a problem. This goes for every member from my mother, my brothers to my nephews and nieces as well as my sisters-in-laws.  You know I don't mind having a hard time in life.  I can bear it so long as everyone else is happy and safe.  When any of them get in trouble, it worries me to know end and I do what I can to help.

Family as I've always said is everything to me.  All I want is for them to be happy and safe.  If there was any prayer that I want answered, it would be that.  If they still are having tough, then I still have the blues for them.  They're a part of me and that will never change.

Wishful Thinking About Things Getting Better: Somewhere Over The Rainbow By Israel Kamakawiwo'ole

Unlike students and those who filed for their vacation leave just to have some fun in the sun, I still trudge along the hot summer mornings as the cold fades and the heat sets in just to make to work.  It seems the vacation time that I had during the Holy Week did little to ease my worries and stress and lately the office is the only refuge that I have to get away from it all.  Right now I need to loosen up or this stress is going to get to me sooner or later. The only relief I get is through listening to some songs that help cheer me up.  One song that does that is Israel Kamakawiwo'ole's version of "Somewhere Over The Rainbow".

Rather than soak in the sun, I'm looking at it set while listening to this song.  A drink in my hand and chair facing the window and though there are now rainbows in sight, the setting sun is what I am looking at as it turns orange once again as it ends the day.  As it goes down, I listen to this song and hope that somewhere out there rainbow or not, things will get better and I will find the answer to all this mess that's been plaguing us lately.  Despite the black cloud that's been hovering above us, I do my best to find strength in weathering the storm that it brings along with it.  One day that cloud will be driven and the sun's rays will shine upon us again.

Despite feeling down by the unpleasant surprises that life springs up on me, I am hopeful that things will get better and I am working hard to achieve that end.  I have to admit I need to evaluate what I am doing and make the necessary adjustments.  The answers will come and I'll do my best to find it.  It's not just wishful thinking because deep inside I know that things will get better.  It's just a matter of hanging in there and keep being positive.  This song helps me do that and they IZ sings it cheers me up as well.  R.I.P. IZ and thanks for the great song that keeps me going.

My Idea Of Spending Time At The Beach: Can't Do A Thing To Stop Me By Chris Isaak

Well now that Holy Week is over, Summer is now in full swing.  Students who have finished their studies and employees who have filed their leave are now hitting the sand and surf as the summer sun shines brightly.  As I've said before, I'm not a sun person cause I prefer cooler climates and I hate sun burn.  Still, if I were get to spend time with someone worth it, that would be a different story.  Chris Isaak's song and video "Can't Do A Thing To Stop Me" embodies how I would like to spend the beach with someone.

This song was one of those rare gems during the early 90's. When  I saw it on MTV (when they were still churning out good videos and songs) I was hooked.  To have this playing in the background while you relaxing in some shady spot with the wind blowing can sure soothe those stress lines.  What would make it perfect is when I spend it with someone you really like and can enjoy the scenery with.  If that someone is my exact match then there is nothing more I can ask for.  Wouldn't that be great?

Well, reality is setting in and I have to get some things done while there's still time cause I don't want to go home late.  Sadly I don't have the resources or the time to make it happen.  Still that thought keeps me smiling when the pressure is on.  Who knows one day it might come true.  For now, it'll always be my ideal way of spending time at the beach.

We're Not Always Wrong: Sometimes I'm Right By Hubert Sumlin

Ever had those times when you say something awkward during an important discussion and everybody writes you off.  Maybe because at the time, we just blurted it out without thinking and because of that we're shut out of the discussion.  What's worse is that after that mistake, people will always use that instant to clam you up whenever you give your input.  Still, that doesn't mean we're always wrong and there times when we do have something important to share and it could be that what we share could be the right thing.  When you know what you say or believe is right, the song "Sometimes I'm Right" by Hubert Sumlin comes to mind.

For anyone who's ever experienced this kind treatment, I wouldn't be surprised if it hurt to be treated that way.  That seen and not heard label can sure be a blow to one's ego.  One mistake should not define what we think about certain things.  It gives you that feeling that everything that you're going to say is wrong or will be ridiculed and shelved and I for one am tired of that.

I'm saying this not because I want to grab the spotlight or anything like that.  I'm just saying that people could  at least give us another chance to what  we have to say.  We're not perfect individuals but we're not always wrong.  There are times when what we believe or say can be right.  All we ask is to be heard and respected.

When The Dream Dies: Foreclosure Of A Dream By Megadeath

Back when I was a teenager, people use to tell how good life was.  Prices were low and it was easy to live on your salary.  You work hard and you could reap the fruits of your labor.  These days, it's a different story.  Things are so hard up just having the simple dream of the house, the car and the family has become unattainable.  When I think about hard things are now and how even the simple dream takes a huge effort, the song "Foreclosure Of A Dream" by Megadeath comes to mind.

Every time I read the news, I hear stories of people losing jobs, houses and even their families.  No one is safe as simple laborers to even top CEOs are now in the unemployment lines.  The worst part is when they have to sell the homes that they worked so hard to build.  What's even worse is that what they sell it for might not even meet their needs.  Hard times are getting harder.

Nowadays I hear the economy is doing well and the government claims that there jobs available.  The problems is that whatever gains are made from the economy, it doesn't reach the ones who need it most.  As for jobs, there are jobs out there but they don't fit the qualifications of the applicants and competition is stiff since they are only interested in hiring younger applicants.  Despite all these, I still believe that you can still achieve the dream.  Sadly, it's going to be difficult and that's no understatement.

They Mean The World To Us: Ikaw Ang Lahat Sa Akin By Martin Nievera

February is now drawing to a close.  This means the month of romance is now at an end.  For those who truly love, it will always go on.  This is true when the person they love is one that means the world to them.  They won't give up on them no matter what.  People who love like that remind me of the song "Ikaw Ang Lahat Sa Akin" by Martin Nievera.

For people like this, it isn't just a fling.  You can bet that when they love someone, they're really mean it.  The choice is clear.  They need not look anymore.  Though the odds may be difficult, it doesn't matter to them.  For them, if the time is not right, they will wait because it's worth it.

It takes a lot to be this committed.  People like this will not be daunted because it means a lot to them.  Well, I say good luck to these.  No doubt they will go on no matter what.  This is because the person they love means the world to them.

There's Always A Part Of Them Inside You: Can't Stop Loving You By Steelheart

Whenever February rolls in, I keep remembering the first post I made on this blog.  It was about a girl I met at college that I had feelings for.  Though we never made and she got married,  I still think about her from time to time.  She still has a special place inside me and I treasure the times when we were together.  The fact that I still have fond memories of her reminds me of the song "Can't Stop Me Loving You" by Steelheart.

Man, bands like these who belt out the high notes and play a mean tune but still touch the sensitive side of a person.  Why she still lingers in my head is because I can't forget that smile that she flashes whenever she greets you.  She also had a way to brighten up your day with a pleasant conversation that you wish you go on and on with her.  My one regret was that I was never able to properly say goodbye to her.  Still, she'll always be special to me.

You win some you lose some they say.  I may have lost out on her but there's a part of her that will always remain with me.  I don't know where she is right now but I wish her all the best.  She helped brighten my life in college.  For that I am eternally grateful.

Being More Careful The Second Time Around: Fall In Love Again By Eddie Money

Eddie Money was always one of my favorite singers when I was growing up in the 80's.  He always sang from the heart and his song's were about the things we can all relate to.  I thought I'd use one of his songs for this post to start off this month of hearts which is February.  Eddie had his share of great love songs and they can give today's songs a run for their money.  For this post, I chose the song "Fall In Love Again".

With love in the air again, I bet every lonely guy or gal has their eyes set on landing a soul mate.  A lot of these people have had their hearts broken in the past but have are still searching for that special somebody with whom they can share their lives with.  As much as possible, they don't want to make the same mistake again.  This is for the obvious reasons that they don't want to feel the hurt of being rejected again.

Well, for me, I'm happy being single right now even if my obnoxious batchmate keeps egging me to get hitched.  For those who are going to go at it and play the game again, just remember what you did wrong back then.  It'll save you some grief  when you go at it again.  Also be honest if it's worth it and if it's what you really, really want.  Well for those who want to fall again, good luck with your search and may you find the one.

The Choice Is Clear: Stand Or Fall By The Fixx

A friend of mine found me through my blog and criticized on the things that I post.  I told him I simply blog what I think about or feel with the song as a means to reflect the message or mood of the post.  Sure, I admit  that lately I've been repeatedly blogging of how hard life is but I do so to remind myself that it's tough out and you either stand or fall.  When it comes to making that choice, I listen to the song "Stand Or Fall" by The Fixx.

You don't really feel that choice when life good.  But life turns its ugly and things get tough, you'll really feel the pressure.  The worst is the hard is getting harder.  It's as if life is challenging you with every crap that it throws at you.  The question is are you going to fold?  Well, for me, I've a mistakes that I could no longer correct but for some reason, I'm still here and because of that I'm still trying to get it right.

Getting it right is not easy and I still haven't gotten it together.  Still, I can't rely on others anymore and I'm also tired of being on the losing end of the stick.  I know there are some habits that I have to kick if I want to get where I'm going.  Still, I don't to just quit and let life roll all over.  When it comes to stand or fall, the choice is clear:  I choose to stand.

Bests Describes These Bad Years: Seasons In The Abyss By Slayer

Even though it's just January, this year has already gotten off to a bad start. Once again, something has happened that's already dampened my mood.  As much as I try not to be too negative, life sure is throwing me a lot of crap when you least expect it.  I'm beginning to fear that this going to be another bad year.  This dismal feeling that I have for this year is the reason why I'm using Slayer's song "Seasons In The Abyss" for this post.

As I have stated in most of my posts, the last 12 years haven't very kind to me and my family.  For some reason, some always goes wrong just when you think things are all right.  When that happens, it can sure erase any hope that you have left in you.  You walk around like a zombie not caring anymore since it's all ruined.  Then the year just flows dismally down the drain and there goes another year gone to waste.

I do hope I'm wrong.  There's been one bad year too many and I'm trying hard to ensure that this year would be different.  Hopefully, things work out this time around and not just for me but for my whole family as well. This bad juju has been around for a long time.  Hopefully this year we can climb out of the abyss.

There Sure Have Been A Lot Of Them: Been Having A Bad Day By Taj Manal

Whenever I get a call from home or a sudden chore when I'm just about done for the day, that sure puts me down and ruins my day.  Right now, when I look back at all that's been said and done last year, there sure were a lot of bad days.  Though this year is just about to start, I already get a lot of out-of-the blue surprises that sinks my spirits.  Feeling down all the time is the result of having one bad day too many.  A good for those bad days is "Been Having A Bad Day" by Taj Mahal.

What is a bad day for me?  It's when something comes out of nowhere and destroys something that I've worked hard for a long time.  It can also be when something bad happened to friends and family and it affects everybody.  It can also be holding out on help that never came or people letting you down when you need them the most.  The worst part about it is that you have to accept it even though it hurts.

As I've been saying again and again, these bad days keep happening and quite frankly I'm getting sick of it.  I'm tired of accepting the unacceptable.  That's the reason why I don't give up and I'm determined to do all that I can to turn all of this around.  As I've said before, it won't be easy and I have to figure it out myself.  Until then, if a bad day happens, I'll just blog about.  That's only to soften the blow.

To Get It All Back: Bouncing Back By Robert Cray

There's no one in life that has never experienced a set-back in life.  These are the times when we think we couldn't get any higher when all of sudden we've been shot down.  Still, that doesn't mean that you'll be that way forever.  If you're determined enough, you'll climb back and get it all back. That thought reminds me of the song "Bouncing Back" by Robert Cray.

Despite the down mood I've been feeling, I'm still a firm believer in Henry Bergson's "Ship Wreck Theory" meaning that the day will come when all this sad situation will end.  It's not going to be easy cause you're gonna have make it happen if you want things to change.  It won't come instantly but slowly yet surely, that silver lining will appear brighter and brighter till all the darkness disappear.  Before you know it the worst has passed and what you've lost, you've finally got back.

I've seen a lot of people who stumbled and fall yet managed to rise up better and stronger.  I guess that proves Bergson correct.  For those who are stumbling around (that includes me) just keep on going and don't give in or give up.  It'll come together one day.  Before you know it, you're back on track again.  More importantly, you got what you've lost back again.