All These Bad News Can Really Drive A Guy Nuts: Delirious By ZZ Top

These days it never fails that something will happen and turn my world upside down.  Whether I do something or not, crap just happens and it's been happening way too frequently.  Too much so that I'm just trying my best to keep up with all this craziness.  Still, getting too much crap isn't good and I am determined to fight through this insanity to make things happen.  Dealing with all these crazy surprises reminds me of the song "Delirious" by ZZ Top.

Every month,  I keep my fingers crossed hoping that something would come out from all this hard work only to come up with nada.  To add insult to injury, it happens when I need it most.  To top it off, some nasty situation comes out of the blue leaving rattled and almost delirious.  It really sucks the life out of me and I am sick of it.

They say, life doesn't give you something thatyou can't handle.  I just wish life would be a bit kinder cause I still have a lot to deal with and it's really killing me.  Well, it's either you beat it or it beats you.  I'm going so that means there's hope.  It drives me crazy something but doesn't stop me as I keep trying till I get it done.

Too Many Things In My Mind: Voices Inside My Head By The Police

I remember when I had an activity in a workshop I attended where people would write what they thought of a person's face when they saw them.  Whenever I get piece of paper, it always says that I think too much or I have a worried look on my face.  That was 17 years ago if I had a worried look back then, it's a heck of a lot worse right now.  Lately, I've had so many things in my mind, I don't get any sense of peace day in day out.  That's why I'm using "Voices Inside My Head" by The Police for this post.

These days, I've got the weight of the world hanging on my mind.  There have been a lot of problems that I'm still dealing with in the past and more problems keep coming my way.  The latest one has my livelihood hanging by a thread.  Whether I'm awake or asleep, these problems keep dogging me like voices that won't clam up.  I may look okay on the outside but my mind is so full of these things that I don't what to do.

I just try to deal with it as best as I can.  I am just preparing for the worse as my hopes were dashed last May.  I just hope that when I rise above it, things would get better.  Till then I do what I can and it's not much but it's something.  Hopefully when all is resolved, these voice will stop.

Really Need Some Quality Time: Time (Time Of The Heart) By Culture Club

With all the bum deals that keeps taking me by surprise .lately, I feel the need to have some quality time for myself.  Lately, I've been alternating from being restless to being beat and worse part about it is that I haven't made use of the time given to me properly.  I guess it's because I haven't found the answers that I need to get things started.   As a result, whether it's a day or month, I still don't feel that it's enough and I'm left feeling restless and tired at the same time.  The need to find quality time and be satisfied about it reminds me of the song "Time (Time Of The Heart)" by Culture Club.

That feeling of being restless and tired at the same time is not a good feeling.  You want to find answers or accomplish something but your body wants to have some time to rest up.  When it doesn't get done, it sure weigh heavily on you especially if it's something that's vital to your everyday needs.  When the days and there are no gains, that's a real bummer.  It's another reminder that you wasted good time over nothing.

Man, I still believe that it's out there.  I wouldn't be wasting my time if it wasn't because I was able to reap the benefits of it before and I believe that I can do it again. With so much at stake, I can't give it up now.  When I do find it and harness it, only then I can truly rest.  Hopefully, I'll really enjoy some quality time.

Habits That We Want To Break: One Bad Habit By Micheal Franks

Ever had that situation where you make the same mistakes again and again?  You ask yourself why that happens despite every precaution that you make?  One of the reasons why that happens is because of certain habits that you do.  These habits have a way of preventing you from achieving your goals and that's why you have to find a way to break them if you want to succeed.  Wanting to break certain habits that do that reminds me of the song "One Bad Habit": by Micheal Franks.

What are these habits that often keep us from attaining success?  Well they can hesitation and doubt, laziness, negative attitude or refusal to come out of your comfort zone.  We don't want to admit but we all have some habits that often act as a distraction and it could distract us at a time when we least need it.  When it does get the better of us, that's it.  Everything goes down the drain and deep inside you know why that happened.

Our inner demons often produce these habits.  We grapple with them constantly as we make it through the day.  If we want to succeed, we have to break these habits as well as not to give in to our own fears.  It's not easy but if you want to make it happen that's what we need to do.  Habits are hard to break but if the rewards are worth it, do it.

Waiting For Things To Get Better: How Long By Y & T

I have a bad feeling that June and July are going to be very rocky months.  The fact that things didn't go well for us in May and right now we all have swords  hanging on our heads.  It was bad enough that the previous years have been bad but now they are starting to look worse.  I can't wait for this bad cloud to bug out so that things will be better.  Wondering when this bad funk will be over and when the good times will be back reminds me of the song "How Long" by Y & T.

And I thought my bad cycle years were bad enough.  These days, I wake and sleep with stress and worry everyday as something always happens and things just fall apart.  The problems just keep coming this time around and it's more than we can bear.  I'm beginning to feel I am playing a more level of this sick cycle that I find myself in.  The worst part is it's not just me but around me are also feeling the heat and that really breaks my heart.

The only thing keeping me from giving is remembering Bergson's "Shipwreck Theory" that one day this will be over.  Until then, I am just trying to find ways to help ease the situation though it seems I'm just bouncing off the wall.  Still, I know the answer is out there and I'll trying till I find it.  I just have to wait it out till things get better.  I know it will someday.

A Loner At Heart: The Loner By Gary Moore

Whenever someone would ask me how describe myself,  I would always I'm a loner.  I was always the type of person who didn't exactly fit in with others when I was young.  This was because my first exposure to society didn't start well and it took me a long time to get along with others outside my family.  To this day, I still maintain a certain degree of separation from others even though I get along with them.  This is because deep inside I am a loner who still longs to find something that will give me some peace of mind.   That's why for this post, I am using the song "The Loner" by Gary Moore.

Ever since that bad debut into society, I always kept a certain distance from what was going on.  This went so far as not even getting into the "in" stuff that people enjoyed at the time.  I was always selective of the people who I hung around with.  Like me, most of them were lone wolves who wanted to find a place where they can be themselves.  I didn't want to be part of the crowd but to get away from and find that which I can feel I belong in.

To this day, I still have that loner mentality.  Oh I get along bests as I can and do what I have to do because it's part of surviving in this world where no man is an island.  But inside is a restlessness in me that wants to be where I can be with my own kind.  Maybe when I find that which I am looking for, only then will I truly loosen up.   The restlessness in me stills fuels my being a loner because a lot of times no one understands and I doubt if any of them ever will.

Hoping That The Start Of The Day Will Be A Good Day: Come Morning By Grover Washington, Jr.

Lately I haven't been getting a good night's sleep because I tend to linger a little bit too much before I turn in. I'm doing this too often but I do so because I'm trying to find answers to questions that nag me to no end.  Sadly, I keep coming up with nada which adds to the frustration.  I guess this is why I wake up earlier than I should cause I hope that when the day starts, it would lead to something good for a change.  Hoping that the would be good day reminds of Grover Washington, Jr.'s song "Come Morning".

Everyday I try hard to find answers to questions that hang heavy inside me.  Just when I thought I find something that will lead me to the answers I seek, it turns out to be a bust.  As a result, every time I wake up, I always have too things on my mind.  Still, when I see the darkness fade into dawn, it gives me hope that  there is another day and with another chance to find that which I seek.  New day means new hope that I'll find it.

Why do I keep going?  I was able to do it once but something happened and now I'm back to square one.  Still, if I was able to do it before, I am still hopeful that I will do it again.  I just have to keep on going and keep on learning.  Maybe come morning, I might be able to get the answers that I seek.

Knowing What You Want And Going For It: What Do You Want Out Of Life By The Tubes

By next week it would be the first month of June and students will now be back at school and new graduates  are either trying to find a job or are getting adjusted to their new jobs.  My only hope for those new grads is that they be able to do well in life because I know what it feels like when your plans don't come true and you have to build with what's left while feeling uncertain about the future.  If you know what you want, go for it and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.  What comes to that question, it reminds of the song "What Do You Want Out Of Life" by The Tubes.

When you're young, you have all these expectations that you want out of life.  One of the things that you should expect is not everybody will agree with what you want and they dissuade you and even make fun of your plans.  Just remember, it's your life and you have thought over a thousand time and still want to go through with it, then go for it.  Just remember to learn what you have to learn and get the tools that you need to make it happen.  It would happen by waving a magic want but by hard work.

Do what it takes to make it come true but if it doesn't happen be ready with a Plan B.  Still, there's nothing more fulfilling by having your dreams come true.  That said, it doesn't hurt to listen to suggestions and even constructive criticism.  If it's to help you get closer to what you want, take it.  The road to failure starts when you please others instead of yourself so know what you want in life so you will be happy.

Remembering The Happy Days Of The Old House: Our Town By Marshall Crenshaw

Last week was very stressful and now I gotta get up early because has started and I wanna beat the traffic.  To add to my woes, the air of uncertainty stills hangs heavily around me as I still don't what awaits us.  I swear, I'm beginning to think life is starting to play jokes on me.  Only the good memories of summers' past give me comfort during these hot months.  Remembering great times I enjoyed as I kid to my early adult years reminds me of Marshall Crenshaw's song "Our Town".

Back then, we always frolic and ran wild in the summer.  The old house was big enough to do anything and there was always  something to do in the summer time.  If we didn't go out, we'd play war day after day.  As we got older, friends would drop by and we'd party till we'd drop.  That was how we would spend the summer year after year.  It was really a blast.

Today is a different story.  The last couple of summers brought a heat of a different kind as problems to pop around this period.  Each really stressed me out to the end of the year.  I really wish I can go back to that time when life was fun but I can't.  The good memories of those summers are all I have left.

About Not Wanting To Let People Down And Being Let Down: Never Let Me Down Again By Depeche Mode

Among the other things that I stress on this blog is about fulfilling your duties to others.  When you say that you'll do this you better deliver because if not, they won't trust you anymore. That's why when I say that I'll do it, I'll do it even if it's hard.  Sadly when I'm the one relying on the help of others, it always comes up short.  That's been happening a lot lately.  When it comes to not letting others down but being let down by others, the song "Never Let Me Down Again" by Depeche Mode comes to mind.

As much as possible I mind my own business but life always seems to throw some kind of baggage in my arms. For some reason whether I like it or not, I'm in it for the long haul so I do what I can to resolve it.  I wish the same can be said when I'm in need.  Day by day, I look for the answers but find none.  Some promise me help and I wind with nada.

Every time that happens, it's like a slap to the face.  I know you have to work hard but can be so frustrating when the tables are turned.  As if you fulfilled your part of the bargain but wind up getting screwed.  That's a bitter pill to swallow.  That's even though it's hard I try to do things on my own because I hate being let down by big promises that offer nothing in the end.

Why My Blog Post Have Been So Dark Lately: Diary Of A Madman By Ozzy Osbourne

When my obnoxious batchmate paid me a visit, he asked my why are my blog post are dark?  Given what's been happening in the last seven years, I have very little to smile about.  Even during the supposedly good times, something happens that just spoils my mood and ruins my day.  It's been happening a lot lately and apart from working out, blogging is my way of expressing my frustrations.  How frustrated I am can best be summed up in the song "Diary Of A Madman" by Ozzy Osbourne.

These days something always happens that puts me on edge.  Apart from that, unresolved problems from the past haunt me like a ghost day in and day out.  One of my classmates who I bumped a few months back chided me for letting things get to me too much.  I can't help it because I care a lot about the people around me and to hear them having it bad really affects me.  Apart from that, I too have to deal with a new bomb that really took me off guard and with no outlet for my frustrations, blogging is the best way to express these demons out of my system.

Blogging about my problems is thus far my way of dealing with them.  It's not like I'm airing my dirty laundry for everybody to see.  I just need to express these thoughts on some platform to put me at ease.  Still, I am also trying to find a way to resolve this and I hope one day I will.  Till then, majority of my posts will be like a diary of a madman who is trying to make sense of this crazy world driving people crazy.

Those Precious Moments When You Need To Escape From Reality: Comfortably Numb By Pink Floyd

Man, I'm still feeling down about what happened this last two weeks and a lot of people still feel the same way.  Apart from that, I'm also stressed out about other developments that are still giving me a headache,  Seems like life doesn't want to give me a break and that's why I am in a sullen and annoyed mood right now. What I'd give for a little time out to just to forget about this for even a moment.  Wishing for a precious moment where I can just forget about all this reminds me of the song "Comfortably Numb" by Pink Floyd.

Whether it's a herb or a brew or both, I could sure use it right now.  Nothing's going right and life always  making me accept crap and I'm sick of it.  Right now as I listen to this song, part of me wants to escape somewhere to just get away from it all.  It has to be a place where I feel good and of my own choosing.  If not, I won't feel good and it'll be just like being dragged to some awful place where I to pretend  I like it only to feel sick deep inside.

Sometime no matter how well we carry ourselves despite life's pressures,  there are times we need to get away.  i'm already missing the "two-butts" sessions where we would wind down and get to know each other as well as have fun. This is a very bleak future I face.  That's why I long for those precious moments where you can escape reality even if it's only for a moment.  It helps you face life once you get a grip even when your comfortably at bliss just like this song.

Thinking Happy Thoughts: Dream Walking By Lee Ritenour

It's been two weeks since the bomb was dropped and I still have that shock in my system.  This week I had a hard time trying to keep my bum mood in check.  As annoyed as I am, I make it a point not to spread it around cause everyone else  would also feel bad.  Glad it's the weekend and right now I am trying to think happy thoughts to give me some comfort.  One song that I'm listening to just to get some cheer into my soul is Lee Ritenour's "Dream Walking".

I've been going up and down Youtube to find this gem because every time I hear it, it calms me down along with my other 24K tunes.  When I hear this song play, it takes me to a special place where I can be at peace.  Either the beach during the sunset with drink in my hand and fine lady at my side or at some classy joint enjoying fine dining with your dream companion.  As I listen, relaxation starts to set in and even for a moment, a smile appears on my face.  That's how good this song is when you want to relax.

Sadly reality will once again come knocking at my door and I will deal with the cold hard facts regarding the hand that I was dealt with.  Well that's life and there's no escaping the crap it throws at you.  All I can do is consider my options and I hope I chose the right one this time.  Until then I'll just listen to this song and other tunes like it to help me through this storm.  Just brave the situation and think happy thoughts no matter how hard it gets.

Still Feeling Bad About It: Feelin Bad Blues By Ry Cooder

I remember a scene from the movie "Cross Roads" where Jami Gertz's character leaves Ralph Macchio's character and he tries to chase after her but was too late.  To add to his woes, Joe Seneca's character tells him that there was no missing song by Robert Johnson.  Yet he also tells him that he had talent for the blues and at that point he starts to play his guitar to chase his blues away.  The rain was heavy but the riffs were cool.  If I remember right he played "Feelin Bad Blues" by Ry Cooder from the movie's sound track.

I started listening to this song lately to chase away my own blues.  I have to admit I still bad about what happened last week and the uncertainty that it has created has been hanging heavily on my mind.  The feeling that everything's slipping away and having no control over it can really sink your spirits to a new low.  It reminded of the helpless feeling that I had during those dark  days as well as brings back the fears that those days are here again.  It's a bummer to admit but it sure makes me feel bad.

Right now I'm still weighing my choices and weighing them carefully.  It's kinda hard to that when your heart's  heavy but it has to be done.  I just hope that things work out in the end.  At the moment, I need some respite from all this chaos.  Feeling bad can do that to a person.

Hope I Get Right This Time Around: This Time By Al Jarreau

The development that happened last week is still deep in my mind.  Once again I find myself at the crossroads where I have to make a decision on where I go from here.  The last two times got me falling into a deep abyss.  Just because I've made through two storms that doesn't mean that I wanna go through it again.  That's why I want to make sure that I make the right decision this time around.  As I ponder what to do, I am listening to the song "This Time" by Al Jerreau.

Like a lot of 24K tunes, this helps me relax and puts my mind at ease when everything in my world has been turned upside down.  Anyway, going back to the latest thorn in my side, right now I am trying to get over the shock of what happened.  There are so many suggestions but everything is up in the air and nothing has been confirmed.  After making so many wrong choices, I wanna make sure that I do right THIS TIME around.  That's why I am seriously checking each and every options that are available to ensure that things go smoothly when the verdict is out.

Right now I am again listening to this song as I look the window and take comfort in the darkness of the night.  I'm still trying to get myself ready once my choice is made.  There still a month and two weeks to go but I have to be ready before then.  I don't what the future brings but I hope this around all of us could get a break.  May things work for the best when I make my choice this time around.

Can't Be Sure About Anything Anymore: Can't Be Sure By The Sundays

I arrived early at work as usual and punched in the clock as proof that I'm here already.  After signing the log book, I sat on my desk and the questions start flooding in my head.  The routine has been shattered and the changing of the guard has left an air of uncertainty in this place.  It's a sad reminder that nothing is certain in this world.  Listening to the song "Can't Be Sure By The Sundays"  reinforces that fact.

Last week, the news hit us so hard, we just stared at each other because we were so shocked at how things turned out.  Those who could speak, kept asking why did this happen.  All I know is I am facing an uncertain future and I am not alone.  None of us are confident of our future at the moment.  Everything is up in the air with our fates in the balance.

As I've blogged before, I am just preparing for the worse.  Getting my papers ready and keeping my fingers crossed while doing so.  The last three years were a blast and I really like the guys I was working with.  I just hope we all make it through.  No matter how uncertain things are, I'll do my best to make through these hard times.

Still Shocked By The Weekend: Shocked By Martha Davis And The Motels

Well the weekend has finally arrived.  The fact that I opened my eyes at around 9:00 am is proof of that since I usually get a heck of a lot earlier during week days. Still, even though it's a rest day it still does not give me any comfort.  This is because I'm still shell-shocked from what happened this past week.  How I feel is bests summed up in the song "Shocked" by Martha Davis And The Motels.

I thought things were going to go smoothly as planned and I looked forward to seeing a great victory.  Those hopes were dashed when I received a phone call late in the evening informing me that things have taken a bad turn.  I was so full of anxiety that I couldn't sleep and had left the house very early.  When I arrived, my deepest fears had come true.  This was confirmed late in the day and we all went home with heavy hearts.

Right now I face an uncertain future as the situation had gone from bad to worse.  Everything is hanging in the air as we try to make sense of the chaos that blew up on our faces.  In light of this development, I am considering my options on what I must do and will start taking the necessary steps to do it.  It's a rough year getting rougher.  Getting shocked doesn't help either.

Thanks For Being On My Side: I'm By Your Side By Angela Bofill

A lot of times I blog about those dark days when everything's down.  If there was one bright spot during those tough moments, it was when certain people help ease my pain.  These people helped me through my dark days when I thought there would be no end.  I can never thank them enough for coming to my side when times were tough.  Remembering the help they gave reminds me of the song "I'm By Your Side" by Angela Bofill.

These people gave me comfort when there was none to be found.  From my brothers and my parents who gave me a pep talk when I was in despair. To my former office mate Jovy who always kept in touch with me and still does.  Online friends such as John, Jenny and others who followed my blog and help me continue to write to this day.  To my old buddies Jay and Iñaki who always light up the party every time we share a brew and talk about old days, you guys are all the best.

Having someone by your side is a great thing.  These people were for you when times were tough and you must never take that for granted.  When the time comes, be there for them as well.  Help them the way they help you because such aid is a precious gift.  That's why I'm on their side because they were on mine.

For Some People, It's Something They Can't Do Without: Lucky Charm (Ooh Wee Suzy) By The Stray Cats

Though the Chinese New Year has passed this year, I always remember those charms that vendors would sell to us every time, it comes around.  Stuff those coins that were joined together, some cats and other trinkets.  If I remember right, each is said to provide some sort of luck for its owner for this year.  I guess people whowho sell them must be making some profit cause there some out there who just can't do without because it brings them luck or so they believe.  That thought came into my mind after listening to the song "Lucky Charm (Ooh " Wee Suzy)" by The Stray Cats.

Although some people brush if off as superstition, there are some people who firmly believe in lucky charms,  It can be a piece of clothing or an accessory that they've must've used when they struck it big.  Since then, they carry it with them whenever something important is coming up.  It can even be a person like Suzy in the song who gives them good luck whenever they are with that person.  Athletes wouldn't play without their lucky accessory and businessmen wouldn't go through any deals if there charms aren't with them during a transaction because they wouldn't feel confident or secure without them.

It works for some people and doesn't work for others.  I guess some people are just lucky.  I wish I was that lucky.  Oh well, I guess I just have to keep working on it.  For those whose lucky charms have delivered for them, I bet they'd be buried with it.  They just can't do without it.

How Fast Time Flies And How Fast Things Change: Already Yesterday By The Church

Sometimes when I go around my old haunts, I am struck by how much things have changed.  What strikes me more is how fast it changes.  It changes so much that I don't recognize the places that I use to hang around as a kid.  Now that I'm getting older, I'm beginning to how it use to be and the realization that it's gone sure makes me feel sad.  The song "Already Yesterday" by The Church sure stirs up the memories of the way things use to be and how fast things change with time.

Life use to be real simple back then as there were fewer but it was still fun because all your friends were there and you knew all the sights.  Even if there wasn't much money, there was always a way to enjoy things.  You knew were to go and you always knew what the "in" places were.  Nowadays when I go there, it's like I'm on a different planet.  Everything I knew is gone or renovated and what use to be a vibrant and in place is now old and deserted.

When you realize that those places are now longer there, you know your time has past. It now belongs to a new generation. The worst part about it is that I can't relate to the changes anymore. I guess that's the reason you tend to stay home more when you get older.  It's incredible how time flies and how things have changed. All you've got left is a memory.