When Emotion Wins Out: Breakdown By Tom Petty And The HeartBreakers

This morning my temper's a little has cooled down a bit after that rude awakening the other day. I'll tell you try your best to keep it together just so things go smoothly around here and your blood pressure stays constant as you can hope that day begins and ends right. Sadly when one person goes into hysteria mode, it sets off a chain reaction like those zombie-rabid movies where one bite deserves another and pretty soon everyone's infected. At times like that raw emotion wins out over restraint as you start getting angry yourself because you can't take it anymore. When things cool down, you start feeling like a jackass because you acted that way and when that happens, I hear the song "Breakdown" by Tom Petty And The HeartBreakers playing in my head as a way to sooth my already shattered nerves and ruined mood.

Although the song is about about giving to a someone's request as he weakens the other's emotional wall, right now for me is about being able to have the right to blow off some steam like everyone else. In this house, when you feel angry and want to express it, everybody starts to restrain you a like putting out a cigarette by crushing it on an ashtray. However, when the slightest mistake happens, it's time for mass hysteria and the whole world goes upside down. All the suicide kings and drama queens come up on stage and do their revolting act as you are helpess to stop it. You're the guy who always has to keep it cool and reason things out and the worst part of it all is that it's not appreciated and you get by the heat in the process. When the tables turn, it's always one-sided.

I guess that's the reason why I don't express my anger often, though I think should give in to my emotions time to time because it' hard to just bottle it up. One thing I can tell you is that I wouldn't do what some of the idiots around here would and that's when you vent your anger at some innocent bystander. The only thing that it does is spread the hate around and pretty soon you'll have everybody at each other's throat. What is so infuriating is when the chaos escalates, the initiator runs and hides and even washes his or her hands off the whole mess. For those of us who get caught in the crossfire, gives us a chance to blow off some steam because when we are wronged, it really can piss us off.

Feeling Really Pissed Today: Congratulations By The Travelling Wilburys

One of the things that really ruins my day is when something or someone wakes me up early on a weekend because on weekdays I wake up at 5 a.m. or earlier so I want to some quality zs on a weekend. This weekend I suddently wake up at 6:40 a.m. to the rantings of a family member due to some petty thing which turned major as the people this person was ranting at got carless and broke something important. This led to more shouting which ruined not only my morning, but my entire day. Man, it's bad enough that I'm stressed out as it is and I have to listen and even witness this crap. What's worst is that I have to drive this person somewhere which really added insult to injury to another ruined weekend which prompted me to use the song "Congratulations" by The Traveling Wilburys for today's entry.

True this song talks about a person voicing out his sorrow after a break-up but one thing this song and my mood have in common is that the singer and me are both pissed at some even if the reasons are a bit different. One thing we have in common in this song is that we both care for the annoying people who caused us a lot of stress. The only difference is that the singer was abandoned and I have to deal with this person's mood swings and urges. The singer's world is empty with that person while my world is in chaos because of the annoying developments caused by this person. Atleast the singer can find someone new, I'm stuck with this one and right now I'm really annoyed because these ruined weekends are becoming more and more frequent at my expense.

Sometimes I think this person takes pervese pleasure in ruining my weekends. Still I care for this person who I really want to take good care of. I just wish this person would just cut me some slack cause lately I'm stressed out and I just don't want to show it. Sometimes this person doesn't realize when to stop and fear one day this person might go too far. In ending, if I were to give this person a medal, it be the ROYAL ORDER OF SOUR GRAPES FOR HAVING A RASIN FOR A BRAIN AS WELL AS SOURING OTHER PEOPLE'S MOODS!!!

Feeling The Weight Of My Age: In Between Days By The Cure

Lately I've been feeling the weight of my age and the sad part about it is I have nothing to show for it. I'm hitting that point where you're at the crossroads of your life and you keep bouncing between first and second gear. The sad part about is when I see other people that I know and when I look at them, I begining to feel that I'm being left behind. With so many things to take care of as well as problems of the financial kind, the feeling of getting older really hits me hard in the chest.
When the hear the song "In Between Days" by the Cure, I'm often reminded of that sad fact.

This was one of my friend's favorite bands back when we were high school. I remember he even wore make-up and the same messy hair style. However this song reminds me of a sad time in my life when things were starting out great only to fall apart in the end. I don't want to go into details but let's just say a lot of things that I hoped to achieved went up in smoke and I spent the rest of the year trying to hold together or regain what was lost. I was lucky I was able to keep things secure academically and I proved that I didn't neglect my studies. However, I really felt sad because of so many hopes and dreams that fell apart. I felt like sacrifed all my dreams for that and when I remember it, it really stings.

That was one of the most painful periods in my life. It also made me a bit superstitious about comparing life to the seasons of the year where some are warm and fruitful while others are stormy and barren. Since then, I've been in deadly fear of the bad times because when bad times strike, it really is bad. Going back to the song, when bad thing happen it really brings you to your knees and it was during those terrible times that I felt that I would die. It was either that or the experience was so painful it would make me cry, hence the reason why when I hear this song, that old painful really gets to me.

How Much Do You Want It: Stand In The Fire By Mickey Thomas

Sometimes I feel that I've made so many mistakes in my life, I don't know if I have anything to say, let alone the right to say it. I'm at that point where I'm begining to envy the young because they have their whole life ahead of them whereas I'm trying to make do with what's left as opportunties become more and more scarce because I've failed to achieve my hopes and dreams in life. As I've mentioned in the past when you give up on a dream, even if you get over it, the fact that you didn't make come true will haunt you for the rest of your days. This is even more painful for those who were so passionate about their dreams only to have it shattered by cruel twist of fate. When I hear the song, "Stand In The Fire" by Mickey Thomas, I painfully remember the fact that if you really want your dreams to come to life, you have to be ready to fight and sacrifice to make it come true.

I remember this song during my third year in highschool which ironically was the time when things were on the rise only to have everything come tumbling down. The massage of this song is quite simple: Are you willing to gamble it all for your dream. Dreams and Ambitions are easy to conjure up but keeping focus and overcoming obstacles to making them real is quite a different matter. It's just about achieving your dreams that's at stake, but it's also a test of a person's determination and conviction. When I think of my failure to achieve my dreams, I feel so empty and feel that I'm lacking in courage and conviction because of I didn't achieve my ambitions in life.

Thinking about that when you're at the crossroads of your life really puts alot of emotional weight on you. I hear my co-worker's voice when she advised her students not to waste your lives because you're only young once and you should live your life wisely. Man, I wish I had a little more conviction and courage cause if I had, things would have been different. Well time is now passing me by and what's done is done. Despite all that, there's no use to cry over what didn't come true, so I have just have to make do with what I still have and hopefully find something meaningful while there's time because while there's still life, still hope.

The Animal In Us: Animal By Def Leppard

Def Leppard was one of my favorite rock bands when I was growing up and back then, they were really heavy. When I was in college, I was wondering why they haven't done a follow-up to their hit album "Pyromania". The question was answered when I saw a new song by the band and what struck me was the fact that the drummer now had only one arm, yet still played the drums. Man, I was blown away that he still was playing with the band with just one arm. The song that caught my attention was their hit single "Animal" from the album hysteria.

For me, when emotion overrides everything else, I think about this song. Just like the song says, when it's an urge from the blood, you really gotta have it. Whether it's love, fighting or obssession for a thing or a even a person, when the you get the itch, you got to get the cure. This is especially true when you get in the heat of the moment. At that point, all reason leaves you and the only that you want is satisfaction in any way that you can get it.

I guess in the family, I'm the one who seldom gets into this mode of emotion. I guess it's because with everyone being quick-tempered during a bad situation, the one thing I don't want to do is to throw more fuel to the fire. Sometimes I get criticized for being too nice because of that. Despite being labeled as such, I sometime have my moments when something or someone ticks me off and I just go blind because the incident pissed me off which it proves I'm capable of that animal emotion where logic gets tossed out the window and all you want is to get it done or win in the conflict no matter what. Be that as it may I try to stick to reason especially now that I have a lot of things to sort out and the fact that majority of the people around me tend to yield to their animal instincts when things go wrong.

Armani Suites, Classy Bars:And Lonely People: Only The Lonely By The Motels

I'll have to admit, lately I long for the days when I would go out with my friends and brothers to have a few drinks and enjoy good music together. With so many things to think about and deal with, all I'm left with is the memory of those good times. Hell, I have to admit, there are times when I wish could go to a classy joint, wearing a coat, tie and a fedora and listen to gorgeous lady singing the blues with a glass of whisky on the table and a good to boot. I guess it's only elegant way to spend the evening. And when this thought comes to mind, I request for the song "Only The Lonely" by the Motels.

Sadness and elegance are the words that best describe this song when I hear it on 24K. Everytime I listen to this song, I feel like I've stepped back to the 30's or 40's where such style of clothes were a the trend of the times. When I saw the video of the song, I guess was correct in terms of the setting as well as the mood. The way Martha Davis was dressed up in the song, I would have pictured the singer in my fantasy in the same style. I can't help but illustrate and interprete this song in this manner because of the classy aura that I feel when I hear it.

With the way things are, I'll be lucky if I can enjoy a beer in peace in my room since soaring prices have not given me the opportunity to enjoy such luxury. True, some good music along with a few brews and good people to enjoy them with will do just fine. Still, it's good to be exposed to others things as well. It makes you well-rounded and broadens your horizon. Who knows, one day, if God allows it, I might be able to have that chance.

If Things Were Different: Wouldn't It Be It Be Good By Nick Kershaw

Although I'm now in recovery mode from my deep blue funk, I still get a dose of bad luck from time to time. It's like finally getting the division withdrawal in order from a battle field only to get some pounding from enemy shells as the troops march out. Emotionally, mentally and yes, physically, I'm still trying to get myself in order and the sad part about that is the year is almost out. Very little has changed which is why I've had that prolonged feeling of frustration these past few months which were exacerbated by alot of unfortunate incidents which started my temper boiling. When things remain the same no matter how hard you try to change them, you really get the feeling that some people really got it lucky which is further accentuated when you them and think about your situation. Wishing about greener pastures make me want to listen to the song "Wouldn't It Be Good" by Nick Kershaw.

For me, the song talks about what happens when problems really start to take their toll on a person. It gets to a point that you wish you were on the other side of the fence where thngs are better than the situation that you are presently in. When I see the video of this song, I think it tackles the difficulties of being different, especially in the part where the people start crowding arounding and he tries to run. In the end, he runs away from it all and when sees a large satellite, he transports himself out that area. In way, I think that was the coolest part of the video.

With reality baring down on me everyday, I'm begining to appreciated this song and the video more. Right now, I want to change what's happening around and I hope to eventually achieve that one day. I know this won't be easy and time is running short, but I have to keep on trying because I don't want let things go on the way they are. It's natural to wise that things were different and that life was better, but wishing for something and making real are two different things. Still, though my faith is shaky, I hope that I achieve all my goals even if takes time and a lot of effort to achieve it.