I remember a few ago, when my family were talking about the future, my brother asked if there was anything I wanted to do. I simply told him that I just wanted to live peacefully. The last 10 years were a bummer for me as a lot of things that I wanted to do and wanted to be didn't come true. To add insult to injury, things that I dreaded came true. As I look back at my life, I feel like rubber ball bouncing around the wall and going nowhere which really saddens me. As I've said before, with all that's come and gone, the last thing that I want is to have more problems in my already weary existence. Wishing for some inner-peace reminds me of the song "Don't Rock My Boat" by Bob Marley And The Wailers.
With all the failures in my life, ultimately I have only myself to blame. As I've blogged before, it was my decision or indecision that got me to this situation. Still, I can't live my dreams at the very least I just want to live quietly and peacefully. After all the hassles I've been through, I'll be lucky if a get stressed-free weekend which I haven't had in a long time. Too many problems and responsibilities keeping rocking me left and right for so long that I miss the good old days when the weekends were great and I just chilled quietly.
I fear that the sweet days are over and my boat has thrown to crashing waves. I bail as hard as I can and to make matters worse,leaks are starting to show which is the last thing I need right now. Still, I keep remembering Bergson's "Ship Wreck" theory that all this crap will end one day. I really hope that when that happens, my boat will still intact. It's taken a lot of hits but it's still there and I do hope they stop rocking my boat!
